Those of you who read our Survivor: Tocantins recaps are familiar with contestant Ben Wade, whom we refer to affectionately as Douche. Today comes news that further supports our summation of his character. It seems Douche, who prior to his Survivor involvement, worked as a women's soccer coach at Southwest Baptist University, failed to mention to his boss that he was taking off the rest of the season to be on a reality show. "He said he was going to be gone for a week," said SBU's athletic director. Wade's not sweating it. "I'm going to be the next big thing on the big screen," he told reporters of his career aspirations. Not with that hideous half-ponytail you're not, dude.

Poor Tracy Morgan's house burned down. No! Apparently the cause was a "faulty fish tank." Well of course it was. Luckily no one was hurt, not even Tracy's pet shark!

Apparently no one but me and Mindy care about this, but us two are really excited that the Michael Ian Black-Michael Showalter project Michael and Michael Have Issues finally secured an airdate on Comedy Central. It'll debut in July, so put that in your DVR and smoke it, me and Mindy!

Preliminary Nielsen ratings reports are in and I'm sure you'll all be shocked to know that American Idol rules the entire universe (thank you, Tatiana Del Crazy) with 24.4 million viewers. Lost is doing pretty damned well too.

Jimmy Fallon's gearing up to take over for Conan March 2, and the folks at NBC have revealed the lineup of guests for his maiden week on Late Night. Day One is Bobby De Niro and Van Morrison, and the rest of the week'll be chockablock with these heavyweights: Tina Fey, Drew Barrymore, Serena Williams, Donald Trump and Jon Bon Jovi. How hip, fresh and irreverent! Check back for Zach's interview with Fallon next week.

Some dude named Reality Steve is leaking The Bachelor spoilers regarding the outcome of this season. Don't click if you want to maintain your innocence!