Let's start off with the big Hills news. Obviously, we have all heard that Lauren Conrad is reportedly leaving the series after Season 5, whether we care or not. But now Audrina Patridge is also leaving the series -- because she's getting her own show from Mark Burnett Productions. So, to sum up... Good News: MTV can't confirm there will be a Season 6 of The Hills. Bad News: America can continue to follow the personal and professional life of a personality so vapid that she makes Lauren Conrad look like a scintillating conversationalist. In related news, the producers of A Shot at Love have agreed to make three more shows for MTV. Oh, joy.

In a move that many are calling "hopelessly behind the times," the cast of One Tree Hill will be portrayed as video game avatars The Sims in the next episode of the show. I would tell you when the show will air, but I do not know, nor do I care.

On the opposite end of the Neilsen ratings, Alex O'Loughlin, dreamy Australian star of the vampire drama Moonlight, is in talks to star in CBS' Three Rivers, about organ transplant surgeons, donors and recipients. O'Loughlin's character, the "workaholic" Dr. Andy Yablonski, would head up the organ transplant team, and live in a motel because he's separated from his wife. Also, HE'S A VAMPIRE. ...Not really, but wouldn't that be awesome? The L Word's Katherine Moennig and X-Men Origins: Wolverine's Daniel Henney will also play transplant surgeons. ...And vampires.

In other casting news, Cloverfield and 90210 star Jessica Lucas will join the new cast of Melrose Place, and 24 and Lost star Reiko Aylesworth has joined Jerry Bruckheimer's untitled mystery show, about amateur detectives led by a former cop who take on John Doe cases. So can we expect her to get capped by the Others on Lost soon, then?

Also, I just found out that Felicia Day will be on a future episode of Dollhouse. Squeeeee!

In these troubling times, people love comedy. Will Ferrell's HBO special You're Welcome America: A Final Night With George W Bush did really well, earning the highest comedy special ratings on the channel since a 2004 Chris Rock concert, and The Daily Show viewership has gone up since Jon Stewart had his face-off with Mad Money's Jim Cramer. Astoundingly, Comedy Central's roast of Larry the Cable Guy also did well, becoming the channel's third most-watched roast ever, behind Jeff Foxworthy's and Pamela Anderson's. To paraphrase Mr. Foxworthy, if you're the one watching Comedy Central's roasts, you might be a redneck.

When my mom was little, she would fling her baseball cards at walls and put them in the spokes of her bike, thereby rendering most of her 1960 Topps series worthless. Somehow, I doubt that devaluation be much of an issue with Upper Deck's new line of American Idol trading cards, which cover all eight seasons. Hmm... I wonder how much a Danny Gokey rookie card will be worth...