On the serious side, it seems Shawn Johnson has danced her way into the heart of a stalker. And a batshit crazy one at that: this dude was caught breaking into the Dancing with the Stars set to "meet her" -- with a loaded shotgun, duct tape and zip ties in his unmarked van. Because you know, that's what most people bring along when they're trying to get an autograph. I mean, I do.

Oh my God, you guys, the American Idol group numbers use prerecorded vocals! I totally had no idea -- I thought all those moments when they put down their mikes yet the final note continues to ring out were accomplished by a little dose of Idol magic! You know, that thing that made Sanjaya's hair so glorious and keeps Paula conscious every week! I just don't know what to believe anymore.

Joel Surnow, co-creator of 24 and friend of Rush Limbaugh, is executive-producing a ten-hour miniseries about the Kennedys. From the description -- "'The Kennedys' takes an inside look behind the secret doors of the White House, (and) the soiled and crooked steps it took to get there" -- it seems like this thing should be about as fair and balanced as your average Bill O'Reilly telecast. Good work, Repubs -- this should take the sting out of that power-vacuum-and-complete-lack-of-credibility thing you've got going on, huh?

Isaiah Washington is having a busy week -- it seems he's planning to star in a biopic about Lou Rawls. Can he sing? I don't know, but he sure can possibly get evicted! Wait... what? Apparently, he's $100,000 behind on his rent, because once you lose that Grey's Anatomy paycheck, life just starts to suck. Katherine Heigl: you're on notice.

Know how the SciFi Channel changed its name to SyFy? Yeah, that was stupid. But perhaps Cartoon Network should consider a similar name change, though preferably not involving Polish profanity, since they've picked up six live-action series for their fall lineup. However, one proposed series stars the hilariously foul-mouthed Bobb'e J. Thompson, a.k.a. the kid from Role Models, a.k.a. Tracy's son on 30 Rock last week. So that's kind of awesome.

Donald Sutherland and Ian Somerhalder have been cast in pilots! Sutherland will reprise all his roles from the last ten years as a wealthy patriarch on CBS' The Eastmans, about a dysfunctional family of doctors. And Somerhalder steps into The CW's Vampire Diaries to play yet another devastatingly attractive representative of the undead -- because if you wanted to watch something that wasn't about vampires sometime during the year 2009, you were just acting crazy.

Hey, RuPaul's Drag Race got picked up for a second season! Good job, LOGO.

And now what you've all been waiting for... I hope you've got snacks handy, because Padma's new Carl's Jr./Hardee's Bacon Western Thickburger commercial is going to make you hungry. Or turned on, if you enjoy the sight of a barely-clad woman hiking up her dress while spilling barbecue sauce on herself. Or just confused, because really, why does this exist? Just don't say I didn't warn you: click if you dare.