BLOGS

TWoP 10: Recasting Jon & Kate Plus 8's Jon After witnessing the most depressing 73 minutes of television we've ever seen in our entire lives -- i.e. the Jon & Kate Plus 8 season premiere -- earlier this week, it became clear to us and the rest of the nation that Jon and Kate Gosselin's marriage is clearly over. A sad fact, but a true one nonetheless. But just because Kate has made it very clear that she'd like to continue the show and Jon has made it very clear that he'd rather be drowning is no reason the show should end. After all, those kids aren't just going to exploit themselves! If The Hills can recast LC then Jon & Kate can certainly recast Jon. Here are a few (gender-blind 'cause it's 2009!) reality star suggestions.

1. Zoila (Flipping Out)
Helpful, submissive, accustomed to working with a controlling crazy person. Not sure how well she'd do around the incessantly vomiting children (why do they vomit all the time???), but she's ideal in regard to everything else. This is probably Kate's best bet.

2. Chris Harrison (The Bachelor/Bachelorette)
He's used to dealing with whiny, broken people, and from what we've seen, the Gosselin kids are probably more mature than any of the Bachelors or Bachelorettes. And it's not like he has any dignity left for Kate to take away. This is a step up for him!

3. Bear Gyrlls (Man vs. Wild)
Self-explanatory. And almost as perfectly suited for taking on this family as Zoila is. Almost.

4. Mike Rowe (Dirty Jobs)
He rolls around in cockroaches for a living, so it's not like he's squeamish. He could jump in when Kate's too grossed out to deal with Leah, who can vomit on cue, and the rest of them, who usually have something disgusting all over them or coming out of them.

5. Jillian Michaels (The Biggest Loser)
They could team up to prepare healthy, organic meals for the kids. And all those issues with Jon being a lazy, out of shape mouth-breather who is reluctant to discipline? A thing of the past! Those kids would be like West Point grads after living in that house for a season.

6. Simon van Kempen (The Real Housewives of New York)
So what if he has a creepily possessive relationship with the wife he already has? If Kate's going to choose a life of fame whoring at the expense of her family, she might as well be taught by the master. Plus we'd love to see Maddy do a number on those feral van Kempen children. And Kate do a number on Kelly Bensimon as well, for that matter.

7. Judge Judy (Judge Judy)
We don't watch much of Judge Judy these days because it is no longer 1996 and the novelty has worn off a bit, but Hugh Jackman tells us she's still quite the ball-buster. Her robes might get dirty when they take the kids out to play, but at least Kate would have someone to fight with and the kids wouldn't get away with anything anymore.

8. Ashley (Rock of Love, Charm School)
First of all, she's a fantastic cook. So that would be helpful. Plus she's great with kids, comfortable with confrontation, and when Kate is being "Lame!" she'd helpfully let her know it. We all need a little Ashley in our lives, but Kate needs her the most.

9. Tabatha Coffey (Tabatha's Salon Takeover)
Pretty much just to strap Kate down and fix that damn hair.

10. Gordon Ramsay (Hell's Kitchen)
He can dish it out as well as he can take it, and he values proactivity as much as Kate does. As long as he reserved the yelling for Kate and didn't destroy the children's self esteem by calling them donkeys or donuts or something, this is a team that could run that household like the salmonella-free kitchen of Gordon's dreams. John Dory for every Gosselin! Except Jon, obviously!

Other Jon replacement suggestions? Anecdotes about how this show makes your heart cry? Pleas for new Kate hair? Leave 'em in the comments!

47 Comments

May 29, 2009 7:50 AM
amie
Reply

hey ilove your show

May 29, 2009 8:06 AM
ashley
Reply

This was a stupid article. Really...Are you that desperate for material?

May 29, 2009 8:32 AM
Ashley
Reply

Kate put the show on!!!All of your kids rock and I don't won't the show to stop:-(

May 29, 2009 8:58 AM
CeCe
Reply

Dina Lohan is jealous of what Kate has achieved.
She should be cast as the new Aunt Jodi.

May 29, 2009 9:09 AM
Chloe
Reply

Im very sad, i mean, the reason i watch the show is because of the kids...but without Jon&Kate together, how will the kids take it? How will the show go on, ?
Maybe KAte will keep the house?
I think Jon will move, the paparazzi is putting them both under pressure.
I hope they work things out.
Maybe get counciling?
:(

May 29, 2009 9:22 AM
kathleen
Reply

Lovers of this show are not seeing the show. They were money hungry grubbers, both equally guilty, treat their kids like crap, and have enough $ to live on through two lives. It has become a cheap soap opera and how good the kids will feel when they see all the footage when they get bigger. Giving them experiences my butt, they won't even remember most of where they have been and no average family can relate to this show. It's a big money bag gor the Gosslins,
the media, and TLC and no one is thinking of these kids, If u have the need to see a large dysfunctinal family have more kids yourself instead of trying to live your life through these weirdo's.Queen Kate and wandring Jon, he needs friends but only women ones. Kate needs more surgeries, more trips away from her kids to tell Churchgoers that pay to hear her tell how to be a mom. A mom with nannies, housekeepers,gardeners,security, and the worst hairdresser ever. And little kids that can't be go to the bathroom, cry or have a moment w/out a camera in their faces. And now all the bad rap is getting them and the other money grubbers more money because we buy into it. Might as well send them a check everyweek. God only knows she they need more $, and maybe a bigger house that she can't even find her kids in. Maybe that's her idea.Everyone is saying Octomom should work to support her kids not a reality show because it would exploit the kids, Kate hunted down a show with pics and vidios of the tups and saw $ when she knew she was having 6. She is a
RN and they make big big bucks, and maybe Jon could be a bartender since he can't do much else, and they could support their brood fine, and her kids will be in school too except for the taxes on the million dollar home, the ski home in Utah, all those trips the kids NEED to become good adults, all the most expensive toys,clothing and all. It's all for the KIDS that's right I forgot. Her kids are now calling her by the nannie's name. Way to go mom.I think you have milked the public and the sponsers as much as you need. Christan's yea. Have you ever heard them; say grace before eating? Say prayers before bed? This is supposed to be such a big part of kate's life, she even gets money from churchs to tell her story.Wonder what advice she has to give, moms out their you must be desperate if you need advice from this woman.These kids need to punch out on the time clock and let to be kids. And if it doesn't happen CPS needs to get involved to see that it does happen. Supposedly their marriage is in trouble, and all she can worry about is her make up getting messed up during that fake interview in season 5, Jon looks like he had the worst hangover ever, she did that party by damn all by herself in heels and a designer outfit, (with a few helpers in the park). The network and them sure know how to draw in the curious.
Good bad or ugly, she says it's all out their, but damn it the people and paps should leave them alone. But I will appear on every talk show I can, look perfect, and get all the pity I can get.And as for Jon, he never wanted more kids after the twins, but because he has no spine here he is with 8 kids. LOves them, but wants to be free, free to have fun and just maybe free from his captivity with Kate.Just like octomom craziness, this to will go away, we can only hope.

May 29, 2009 9:45 AM
judy
Reply

I was very sad & depressed after the last program of the 5th birthday party. How sad to bring 8 kids into the world and then not give them parents that are committed to one another with a possible divorce. The children will definitely suffer from all of this. I'm not excusing Jon for his behavior, but Kate has been very disrespectful & demeaning to him from day one. Now he has quit his job. A mans worth is found through his career. I think he should get back to a job. Jon & Kate should give up the whole program and the fame and get back to raising a normal family. The show, the tabloids, etc. have ruined a family that I believe love one another. I pray they get good Christian counseling and can reconcile their marriage for the childrens sake.

May 29, 2009 10:16 AM
Debra
Reply

A family falling apart. I love how America thinks Jon and Kate owe us their pain and suffering right now. It's so ridiculous to hang on every comment they make and run with it and turn it into something else. Something tells me they will stay together, mend their relationship and tell America to just go on to the next reality show. They both clearly love those children and those children love their Mom and Dad. That is worth fighting for and I think they will make the decision to turn America off and get on with raising their family.

May 29, 2009 10:21 AM
Jill
Reply

I strongly agree with you Judy. I cried when I saw Alexis talking with Jon about who she invited to the party. The way she hugged him and told him she didn't want him to leave anymore, ugh! I cried for days. I come from a divorced family and at 42 still have issues with it. I do think the fame has gone to Kate's head and she should remember what's important..her children! I know the show's edited but it didn't even look like they spent time playing with the kids at the party. They just walked around trying to avoid each other. Don't you think the kids notice Mommy and Daddy don't even talk to each other anymore. How sad. I do hope they get counseling. At the end when she said she was there if he wanted to work things out and he said "I'm here for my kids" that told it's own story. Obviously it doesn't look like he loves her anymore and to have his girlfriend at their house while Kate's not home. That's unforgivable!! Who suffer's??? THE KIDS!

May 29, 2009 10:26 AM
redrabbitj
Reply

I refuse to watch this show as I will not participate in the abuse and exploitation of these children. Jon and Kate are dispicable for whoring their children's private lives out for profit. The best thing that can happen is to immediately cancel the show and put those children in homes of relatives who actually love them (and pay for the therapy they'll need for years of emotional abuse) and lock Jon and Kate in a box and ship them to a desert island where they'll never hurt anyone ever again...except each other but who cares about them.

May 29, 2009 11:13 AM
Watcher
Reply

Does anyone care about the children in all of this mess?

May 29, 2009 11:39 AM
Lysa
Reply
replied to comment from Debra

People who love their children don't whore them out to TLC. Those poor kids never had a chance of growing up normal, whether or not their parents stay together.

May 29, 2009 12:46 PM
Sareh
Reply

Someone actually took that episode seriously? I didn't buy a minute of it - I thought the 'crying' was fake and Jon was...well, just Jon.

May 29, 2009 12:52 PM
michelle
Reply

enough of the reality shows, society needs to move on. Live your own life, worry about your own family. I do feel bad for the kids. If everyone stopped focusing on them then hopefully the show would be cancelled and all this fluff would go away

May 29, 2009 12:59 PM
A Man
Reply
replied to comment from judy

Judy, please don't buy into the stereotype "A mans [sic] worth is found through his career." That's utter caca.

I do agree with Sareh; I think there's some creative licensing going on there.

The two of them should have been in counseling starting from the time Kate found out she was preggers with 6. That kind of radical change in the family dynamic puts serious pressures on a relationship, and as fragile as it probably was before the 6 appeared on the scene...but hindsight is 20/20.

May 29, 2009 1:06 PM
Kitty Turner
Reply

The telling thing to me was Kate saying she'd been living with this for six months -- if that's true, why would she sign them up for another season on TV? Shouldn't working out their problems in privacy take priority? Also the digs about Jon had "help" when she was gone on her book/speaking tours and then endlessly whining about having to take the kids to the party store "all by myself!" I'll bet that the nanny is there basically full time and that if Kate was willing to admit that she's not doing it alone either, she'd have had plenty of help. Alexis just about broke my heart, and I understand Mady's attitude about the party, since the tups seem to get these huge birthday parties and the twins are pretty much ignored. And I'd love to see Tabatha do something with Kate's disgusting hair!!

May 29, 2009 1:42 PM
Julia
Reply

this show is just like some BIZARO reality show experiment and I think everyone should watch it just to see how it all plays out.

I mean them being on the show in the first place is what DESTROYED their marriage. (I think) he quit his job b/c of the TV show, and she wrote a book b/c of the TV show, so now she's out and about and he's the primary caregiver, in addition to the fact that he's getting followed around by paparazzi b/c of the show, and b/c of that pictures came out that looked VERY bad.

So it's like this crazy circular thing that they brought on themselves b/c of the show, but the show itself is like the THING that caused all this stuff that they...brought on themselves.

It's crazy and could not have happened at any other time in American History. HA! (at least not a time before reality TV)

Like this weird thing that happened to this family that they brought on themselves, is this weirdly unique bastardization of Reality TV and just...it's amazing.

Someone needs to write a paper on it. Or set up a college class about shows like this and The Hills and just how F**king WEIRD THEY ARE.

May 29, 2009 1:45 PM
kimbalaw
Reply

I think Kate is doing her best to make this cash cow work. All her martyrdom of "I'm in this alone" regarding the party...please lady! If you were half the organized control freak you portray yourself to be, all those decorations, invitations, cakes, goody bags would have been taken care at least a week in advance. But I just remembered...Kate was off self-promoting the week of her kids' real b-day. All the b-day preparation was made up drama by TLC. Kate even tried to come off as "happy-go-lucky" a few times to show us how nice she can be, but it just was so insincere. She wants to figure out an angle to be America's best loved single mom of multiples now that Jon burst the balloon on the family angle. Shame on both of them for creating this mess in the quest for money. I'm sure the 8 kids will be eternally grateful to them for recording the disaster for generations to see. Kate's got her wish and made lasting "memories" all right.

May 29, 2009 2:39 PM
Leah
Reply

I just have to say that Martha Stewart would be a perfectly "good thing" to play Kate's mother.

May 29, 2009 3:47 PM
Karen
Reply

While I disagree that "a man's worth is found through his career" - I think a job would do each of them well. Jon should get back into IT, and as soon as the kids go to kindergarten, Kate should find a part-time nursing job. They owe it to those kids to work back towards having a normal life even if it means giving up the designer sunglasses and free trips.

May 29, 2009 4:54 PM
Toni
Reply

If there ever was was a woman who took a mans balls, put them in a glass tube and wore them around her neck, it's Kate. I can honestly say that Jon took a lot of mental abuse from this chick(and I use that term loosely). How can anyone honestly say in their hearts that they would take the crap she has dished out to this man for as long as she has? I can't believe how she is just so flippant about the whole thing. She wants more money, Jon wants out. If Kate were sane, she would look at the mess this show has created and try to fix it. But someone who should be on lithium probably isn't thinking clearly.
It seemed the show started going downhill when Jon got those free hairplugs. I mean, before that, who would have given him a second glance? Kate was probably the one who pushed him to do it, and when it got done and he started to fix himself up, she didn't know she was hooking him up for the next female.
I don't see why she should have the majority of the airtime for her side of the story because she is just as much to blame as he is, and probably even moreso. If she weren't such a tyrant and verbally abusive, the man probably wouldn't have strayed. You can only kick a dog so many times before he completely refuses to come when you call him.

May 29, 2009 9:05 PM
Jaylene
Reply

Jon and Kate? Can you feel the hate!

May 29, 2009 11:21 PM
vanessa
Reply

omg i totally wanna see gordan ramsay and kate go at it!!! and it would be hilarious to see someone more ocd than kate with the kids!!!

May 29, 2009 11:37 PM
Kim
Reply

This whole situation makes me sick. I feel so bad for those poor children. At 51 I still remember all the heartache when my parents divorced in my teens. Someone said Khate should go back to nursing. She was an ob nurse. Would you really want that person taking care of any of your family? I think not! As for Jon, while I don't condone cheating, the poor guy just needed someone to give him back his testicles. He probably quit doing the public appearances because he could not look people in the eye anymore, tell them the family is poor and take their money.
Judge Judy would be an excellent substitute for Jon. Oh maybe Kate can just appear On Judge Judy. Kate would be put in her place real quick.

May 29, 2009 11:57 PM
Kitty
Reply

Kate would show herself to be the ultimate self-involved b***h if she allowed her kids to be involved with this show as her marriage completely disintegrates. She needs to stop living in a false reality, stop being filmed, and start dealing with all the emotional fallout that will affect these kids when their parents get divorced. Otherwise she would truly be practicing child abuse.

May 30, 2009 1:01 AM
Bonzai
Reply
replied to comment from judy

A man's worth is found through his career??? When did we time warp back to 1950? She quit her career and took care of the 8 kids for 3 years. He's off for 2 and he's upset about it? Please! He is just realizing that he'd rather run around with coeds than be a dad. No, she's not perfect, but cheating is wrong, period.

May 30, 2009 6:44 AM
Laura
Reply

You know, perhaps things might be better around here if it things WERE more like the 50s. For one thing, there wouldn't be reality tv shows where money-grubbing parents would be whoring out their kids for cash.
I do believe a man finds much of his SELF-worth through his job and career (just as any working woman would). That is not an antiquated idea! It is logical and healthy for the stability of the family.
Jon and Kate say they do what they do "for the kids". They need to take a long hard look at exactly what it is they are doing.

May 30, 2009 10:49 AM
Jeff From Jersey
Reply

Though I did not watch the show, nor will I in the future, the most depressing television program in recent years was Doctor Drew's series on Celebrity Addiction. As for the Gosselins and the rest of their extendend family, I wish them only the best in health and happiness once everthing in their lives have calmed down.

May 30, 2009 11:15 AM
Sinkwriter72
Reply

I usually find TwoP's telefile articles and blogs to be entertaining, but I think this one is in bad taste. It's one thing to write an article about the state of the Gosselins' marriage and what part reality TV may or may not have played in destroying it, but to make a joke list about who should replace Jon in the show, like he's simply a character to be written out and replaced... that's insensitive and tasteless.

May 30, 2009 11:52 AM
Mike
Reply

I live next door to these people and can't STAND them. They aren't "average" by any means. They are ignorant, star struck and think they are some A list actors. Watching her walk into a Starbucks, she thinks that all eyes should be on her. IRS is coming.

May 30, 2009 12:00 PM
GetReal
Reply

Cute article but I don't know that I hate anyone of your choices enough to stick them with Kate. If I'd have to choose a person that would work maybe Gordan as he seems to be able to know those with ego problems back into line. Run, Jon, run.
But I think Kate who has now transformed herself into a MILF maybe would prefer to be given a show where she gets to go on the prowl for a rich sugar daddy. With her new trashy mini shirts and hooker heels and wow, new perky boobs looks as if she'd prefer to get a new show about trapping a new dude to destroy and demean.

May 30, 2009 5:57 PM
TryScience
Reply

Those kids are constantly ralphing because of the turmoil their mother puts them through. Her narcissistic attitude and shrieking combined with the impending loss of their father makes for some very stressed wee ones.

May 30, 2009 6:37 PM
t hawkins
Reply

Dearest Jon & Kate,
Life is full of compexities. But you can survive this if you stop listening to all the jazzed up commentators and tabloids. When you started your hearts were in the right place. You two must get back to that place immediately. Let all other distractions fall to the way side. Listen again to your hearts. Both had a plan in mind now is the time to get back to those plans. We our with you and God is with.
Love,
The Hawkins

May 30, 2009 8:06 PM
Kristen
Reply

So, if you guys are going to write a front page article on the show, how about unlocking the show thread?

May 30, 2009 8:45 PM
Jessica
Reply
replied to comment from Kristen

I was thinking the same thing. Why was it locked in the first place?

May 31, 2009 2:08 AM
Sara
Reply

Dude, #8 is brilliant! Putting Ashley & Kate Gosselin together would make for possibly the awesomest television ever. My brain exploded a little bit just imagining it.

May 31, 2009 10:38 AM
Kristen
Reply
replied to comment from Jessica

Too much Off-Topic crap, I'm supposing. But, c'mon, TWoP: if you're gonna write the article, you gotta give people a place to discuss the show.

May 31, 2009 5:12 PM
Jolie
Reply

This is exactly why people should be forced to get a license to have babies. Obviously just like on the road prespective parents would need some sort of CDL for breeding like puppies. Maybe that Dog Whisperer would be a good replacement.

May 31, 2009 6:03 PM
phaedra
Reply

They need to quit the show and go into counseling. Call me an optimist, but I know that some good, intensive therapy and a little willingness on their parts could fix this mess.

If they can't work it out ... that's horribly sad for those kids.

May 31, 2009 10:26 PM
Deb A
Reply

Got another show idea—how about the Dog Whisperer?
Actually Cesar would be great at interpreting Kate's unspoken signals for Jon. I can just hear him—"Jon, you need to make sure she is in a totally submissive state before you try to approach her . . . "
Though I'm making a joke, on the other hand, there's really nothing funny about this pathetic situation. TLC should pull the plug on the show.

June 1, 2009 8:12 AM
aegeanbreeze
Reply

ROFL! I LOVED this article! Gives the show the credit it deserves. What a waste of time. I watched it for a season but couldn't stand the way either of the "adults" acted. Both parents need to grow up and do what is right for their children. Becoming a fame whore doesn't fit the bill....

June 1, 2009 12:48 PM
bluefield
Reply

"why do they vomit all the time???"

The same reason they still poop their pants or sit in a corner and rock back and forth - they're being mentally abused and neglected. That's what happens when you whore chidren out as commodities and don't give a rats ass about them. This show needs to be stopped. Now.

June 5, 2009 10:44 PM
Carolyn
Reply
replied to comment from judy

There is no going back. They can never go back. The haters and paparazzi will hunt them and follow them forever, no matter what they do. Jon was and is a loser. Kate had to tell him what to do because he couldn't put shoes on the children without being told. You could see the resentment for him in her attitude. I don't blame her. I'd be mad too.

June 5, 2009 10:49 PM
carolyn
Reply
replied to comment from Laura

Kate was on her book tour for like a month. If she is home for most of the year other than that then what is so bad abuot that? Most mothers work 40 hours per week. I just don't see what all the fuss is about. Are people upset she is working at all? Then they should be mad at all the working mothers. Let's have some level of fairness and thought in this discussion and not just jump on the party train for stupidity.

June 9, 2009 9:05 AM
AR
Reply

Didn't TWOP close the Jon and Kate forum to avoid harsh commentary on the family? I guess it's ok if it will generate page views and ad revenue. She's a shrew, and the kids are being exploited, but this is pure hypocrisy on TWoP's part.

June 23, 2009 7:14 PM
just sayin'
Reply

IMO the absolute best series finale for this show would be Jon taking Kate to court, getting full custody of the kids and letting the kids live their lives off of the TV screen. The end.

Wouldn't that be fantastic? It'd almost be like a happy ending.

This show and other similar shows exemplify what is wrong with western culture. People are seen as commodities to be used to make a profit, regardless of their age. It's like the exploitation of the Dionne quintuplets back in the 20's and 30's. From that through this to now that 'octo-mom' person, who as far as I can tell has specifically had children in order to use them to get a TV deal and exploit them for money.

This entire genre of television is reprehensible.

August 4, 2009 2:17 PM
The Duke of Deception
Reply

The Duke should replace Jon because he'd give her a good fuck.

Loading...

Add a comment

TWoP Toolbar

BLOG ARCHIVES

The Telefile

June 2010

54 Entries

May 2010

59 Entries

April 2010

57 Entries

March 2010

67 Entries

February 2010

53 Entries

January 2010

59 Entries

December 2009

32 Entries

November 2009

47 Entries

October 2009

65 Entries

September 2009

66 Entries

August 2009

58 Entries

July 2009

72 Entries

June 2009

71 Entries

May 2009

50 Entries

April 2009

57 Entries

March 2009

66 Entries

February 2009

52 Entries

January 2009

56 Entries

December 2008

51 Entries

November 2008

71 Entries

October 2008

88 Entries

September 2008

86 Entries

August 2008

120 Entries

July 2008

115 Entries

June 2008

90 Entries

May 2008

44 Entries

April 2008

30 Entries

March 2008

26 Entries

February 2008

30 Entries

January 2008

44 Entries

December 2007

31 Entries

November 2007

66 Entries

Blog Categories

Awards

40 Entries

Character Corner

90 Entries

Cool Stuff We Need

11 Entries

DVDs Unwrapped

4 Entries

Everybody Dance Now

28 Entries

Fall TV

7 Entries

Food for Thought

1 Entries

I Hate Procedurals

5 Entries

Irrational Exuberance

194 Entries

Judging Strangers

160 Entries

Let's Go to the Video

186 Entries

Notes and Comment

23 Entries

Olympics

31 Entries

Picks

7 Entries

Producers Speak Out

11 Entries

Raising the Dead

1 Entries

Show vs. Show

6 Entries

Soap Auditions

10 Entries

Stars Making News

69 Entries

That's F&*!ed Up

102 Entries

The Biz

148 Entries

The Forgotten

8 Entries

The TCAs

6 Entries

Today's TWoP News

325 Entries

Top of the TWoP

5 Entries

Tubey Awards

13 Entries

TV on DVD

44 Entries

TWoP 10

104 Entries

TWoP To The Rescue

23 Entries

Very Bad Things

43 Entries

WGA Strike

32 Entries