I don't know why I'm doing this to you, but I did it to myself first, so I guess I'm as much a masochist as I am a sadist, which is... better? I don't know, but the point is Spencer Pratt recorded a rap song called "I'm a Celebrity" under the pseudonym The Great White and you can listen to it here, thanks to who else? Ryan Seacrest. And after you're done, you can listen to a Heidi Montag song conveniently linked right below it! Ryanseacrest.com is literally the location of Hell.

Speaking of Ryan Seacrest, he and Jamie Oliver are going to go to America's most unhealthy cities (I think that reads "fattest," but the article didn't specify) and somehow make them healthy together for ABC. The entire city. Somehow. Say what you want about Seacrest, but he's nothing if not ambitious.

An Adam Lambert fan got so excited she took her shirt off and flashed him (well, she kept her bra on) at his Idol hometown visit the other day. Leaving that one alone...

Heroes is adding a knife-thrower, a "sexy tattoo girl" (sounds dumb, but whatever), an Eddie Izzard-type to play a smooth-talking carnie (hilarious), and an Ellen Page-type (super groan) to play Claire's college roommate next season. Knife-throwers are cool, but I maintain my position that this show does not need any more people on it. The writers have enough trouble keeping the existing storylines straight as it is. And so do I, actually. Less is more, Heroes!

E! is making a geeky spinoff of The Soup for sister network G4 cleverly titled Web Soup. It's going to be hosted by Attack of the Show! correspondent Chris Hardwick, who is actually pretty funny. Should be a good time. In an unrelated matter, does the guy who hosts Attack of the Show!, Kevin Pereira, remind anybody else of Justin from Brothers & Sisters for reasons you can't quite put your finger on? No? No one else? Moving on, then.

Man, when Kiefer head-butts someone, he really head-butts 'em.

And oh my God, apparently a lot of women are naming their babies Miley now. Unbelievable.