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The Real Housewives of New Jersey's Danielle Staub might run for Congress, everybody! That is such a good idea! Though it is kind of bittersweet, because it looks like all her dirt has already been dug up. So backwards -- that's supposed to happen once you're already in office, lady! But no matter. She's going to be a fantastic representative of fine politics for me to poop on. Let's take a gander at all the urgent things she will promise to take care of for the citizens of New Jersey when she runs.
Healthcare Providers Will Cover Botox
Because when you're a 48-year-old woman without an income outside of your reality show paycheck, two kids to feed, and an ex-husband who keeps claiming your divorce settlement check is in the mail when it is most certainly not, you can't afford certain essentials like face poison. Congress must ease this hardship on American women now.
Public Lewdness in Bathrooms is a God-Given Right
Much like the Americans with Disabilities Act required businesses to have a handicapped stall for the good of Americans, so will the Americans You Can't Effing Take Anywhere Act require an additional stall for sexual activities to be added to the bathrooms of all New Jersey fine dining establishments.
Table-Flipping Will Be Added to all Hate Crime Legislation
Citizens, this is an imminent threat to all former prostitution whores. Clearly, they need special protection under the law, and Danielle Staub is the PW for the job.
All Deadbeat Dads and/or Alimony-Withholding Ex-Husbands Will Be Sentenced to Work Release with the Manzo Family
Where they will be subjected to an endless variety of deserved chores: Washing Dina's hairless cat, getting waxed by Caroline's daughter, being lent out to Teresa's husband to bury dead bodies in their odd-smelling basement, etc., etc.
Phone Sex Subsidies for Wireless Carriers
For too long we have been paying exorbitant prices to have phone sex with purported Gucci models, and that is not what the Framers had in mind.
In a Related Issue, Abstinence Education in Schools Will be Replaced by Phone Sex Education
It is the safest kind of sex, and our children need to know this.
Improve New Jersey's Relations with Colombia(n Cartels)
They have been tenuous/non-existent at best under the current administration, and largely relegated to the underground world of organized crime. Danielle Staub knows this world intimately, and will work to bridge the gap between the nation's most misjudged businessmen and Jersey's figurative Main Street.
Library Funding Slashed!
A vote for Danielle Staub is a vote for keeping out-of-print books about you being a prostitution whore out of gossipers' hands.
And Finally, Prostitution Whore Licenses for All Who Work for Them
No longer will these indispensable members of society be treated like second class citizens who kidnap and threaten people when their coke deals get botched. The licenses will be like a badge of honor, and a daunting shield in the minds of would-be table tossers and library frequenters.
I could do this all day. Can't wait to wear my "Vote Staub!" button with pride. On election day I'm going to be front and center in her district, basically reenacting that scene from Gangs of New York where they make everybody they find on the street vote, then get a haircut, then vote again, then put a different hat on, then vote again, then put an Indian headdress on, then vote again, then I'm going to dig up every dead body in the area, drag each one up to the voting booth to vote, give it a haircut, drag it up to vote again... you get it. I really want her in Congress.
Because when you're a 48-year-old woman without an income outside of your reality show paycheck, two kids to feed, and an ex-husband who keeps claiming your divorce settlement check is in the mail when it is most certainly not, you can't afford certain essentials like face poison. Congress must ease this hardship on American women now.
Public Lewdness in Bathrooms is a God-Given Right
Much like the Americans with Disabilities Act required businesses to have a handicapped stall for the good of Americans, so will the Americans You Can't Effing Take Anywhere Act require an additional stall for sexual activities to be added to the bathrooms of all New Jersey fine dining establishments.
Table-Flipping Will Be Added to all Hate Crime Legislation
Citizens, this is an imminent threat to all former prostitution whores. Clearly, they need special protection under the law, and Danielle Staub is the PW for the job.
All Deadbeat Dads and/or Alimony-Withholding Ex-Husbands Will Be Sentenced to Work Release with the Manzo Family
Where they will be subjected to an endless variety of deserved chores: Washing Dina's hairless cat, getting waxed by Caroline's daughter, being lent out to Teresa's husband to bury dead bodies in their odd-smelling basement, etc., etc.
Phone Sex Subsidies for Wireless Carriers
For too long we have been paying exorbitant prices to have phone sex with purported Gucci models, and that is not what the Framers had in mind.
In a Related Issue, Abstinence Education in Schools Will be Replaced by Phone Sex Education
It is the safest kind of sex, and our children need to know this.
Improve New Jersey's Relations with Colombia(n Cartels)
They have been tenuous/non-existent at best under the current administration, and largely relegated to the underground world of organized crime. Danielle Staub knows this world intimately, and will work to bridge the gap between the nation's most misjudged businessmen and Jersey's figurative Main Street.
Library Funding Slashed!
A vote for Danielle Staub is a vote for keeping out-of-print books about you being a prostitution whore out of gossipers' hands.
And Finally, Prostitution Whore Licenses for All Who Work for Them
No longer will these indispensable members of society be treated like second class citizens who kidnap and threaten people when their coke deals get botched. The licenses will be like a badge of honor, and a daunting shield in the minds of would-be table tossers and library frequenters.
I could do this all day. Can't wait to wear my "Vote Staub!" button with pride. On election day I'm going to be front and center in her district, basically reenacting that scene from Gangs of New York where they make everybody they find on the street vote, then get a haircut, then vote again, then put a different hat on, then vote again, then put an Indian headdress on, then vote again, then I'm going to dig up every dead body in the area, drag each one up to the voting booth to vote, give it a haircut, drag it up to vote again... you get it. I really want her in Congress.
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She'd probably actually pass some pretty strict laws prohibiting people saying "That's so gay."
The campaign pins should read "Get Staubed!"
Hooray! Prostitution Whore For Congress!!! Maybe they should sell "My Grandma was kidnapped by a Prostitution Whore's coked up ex-boyfriend in New Jersey and all I got was this stupid T-shirt."
I'd vote for her!!!
I think all New Jersey State colleges should offer Associate, Bachelor, and Master's degree in Prostitution Whore
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Hands down, Apple's app store wins by a mile. It's a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I'm not sure I'd want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.
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Hands down, Apple's app store wins by a mile. It's a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I'm not sure I'd want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.
Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass' favor.
Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass' favor.
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This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like 'Mixview' that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you're listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of "neighbors" will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune "Social" is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.
This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like 'Mixview' that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you're listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of "neighbors" will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune "Social" is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.
Hands down, Apple's app store wins by a mile. It's a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I'm not sure I'd want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.
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I'll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)
Between me and my husband we've owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I've settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.
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Thanks for your write-up. What I want to comment on is that when evaluating a good on the net electronics store, look for a web site with total information on important factors such as the personal privacy statement, safety measures details, any payment options, and various terms and also policies. Usually take time to investigate the help and FAQ sections to get a far better idea of what sort of shop will work, what they are able to do for you, and exactly how you can make best use of the features.
The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod's. It works well, but isn't as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that's not an issue, but if you're planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod's larger screen and better browser may be important.
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