Poor Jessica Simpson. First everyone calls her fat and stupid, and now VH1 is having her star in a new reality show that will have her exploring "true beauty" in various cultures and inevitably saying something stupid. You keep being a role model, Jessica. I'm on your side, even if you are dumb and have a normal body type.

Fingers crossed that Jessica's new show takes her to Dubai where Paris Hilton can teach her a thing or two about the local fashions. In response to rumors that she boldly donned a bikini after the My New BFF producers had banned her from doing so, Paris tweeted that the rumors were false and "the dress code isn't as strict as one might think." MTV Spring Break: Dubai, we're ready for you!

In case you haven't heard -- in which case you might want to climb out from under that rock - Jon and Kate Gosselin are officially getting a divorce. But as they say, the show must go on. But really, must it?

Speaking of people without hearts, Simon Cowell may have just purchased one on the black market. In a positively epic and candid open letter, he discussed his regrets about making children cry and allowing Susan Boyle to go crazy. Oh Simon, you big softie.

I don't watch Heroes, but I hear it's pretty awful right now, so maybe the (second) exit of consulting producer Bryan Fuller will rectify the problem. That, or the show just lost its last hope.

And now for the sad news of the day: Ed McMahon died at age 86 after being treated for pneumonia for the past several weeks. If you're (embarrassingly) young like myself and have only seen him in cameos on shows like Sabrina the Teenage Witch and Scrubs, McMahon was a huge deal on late night TV as well as a former Marine. Keep tissues nearby during late night tonight because the tributes are sure to get you emotional.