The Voicemail Decency Act
In addition to making the broadcasting of private voice mail messages a federal crime, this act would make mandatory new cell phone technology that would only allow voicemail messages to be heard by their intended recipient. It would also fund research into technology that would prevent people from leaving overly vindictive messages, using such markers as excessive shouting and the use of danger words like "pig" and "ungrateful."

Declare TMZ a Terrorist Organization
For crimes against celebrities, harassment, filming without a permit and just being nosy little bitches.

The Award-Winning Custody Statute
In the event of a divorce between two actors, the custody of the child will be determined by the number of acting awards each parent has won. In the case of a tie, victory will go to the one with the most Emmys.

The Baldwin Medal of Honor
A council composed of himself, Stephen Baldwin, Billy Baldwin, Daniel Baldwin and Adam Baldwin (not related, but a heckuva guy) will convene once a year in the top of the Washington monument to decide which Americans best exemplify the spiritual and moral superiority of the Baldwin name. Five will be chosen to receive medals each year, and the medals will be hand-delivered to their homes by the Baldwins themselves. The recipient will then have to invite that Baldwin in for dinner.

Meat is Murder
Until now, it's just been a slogan, but under Alec Baldwin's reign, meat will actually be murder, a felony punishable by imprisonment. However, bacon lobbyists will later get bacon reduced to a misdemeanor.

Declare the Philippines Off-Limits
Hey, if he's not allowed to go there (for making a "Filipino mail-order-bride" joke on Letterman) then nobody else can, either.