If you woke up this morning wondering what you missed while you were watching Cartman get anally probed, today's the day for you, my friend. All that and more is in today's news, including a very special guest BSG rant from TwoP's very own Angel Cohn.

Somebody in Hollywood has been eating brains. That was our first thought when we heard that Robert Kirkman's epic "surviving a zombie apocalypse" comic book series The Walking Dead was close to being developed as a television series by AMC. Add that to the fact that the Vertigo title Fables, about storybook characters living in New York, is in development at ABC, and it almost kinda looks like a trend. We started thinking about other comic book series that we'd like to see on the small screen, and were able to come up with ten off the top of our heads that barely even touch on the tights-and-capes crowd.

Little has been revealed about the third season of Mad Men, except that it kicks off in 1963, an incredibly tumultuous year in American history, not to mention American pop culture. We dusted off our history books to see which events occurred that year that might make for interesting storylines on the show. Disclaimer: We're sure that the JFK assassination will play a big role, as well as Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech, so forgive us if we just take those for granted. These significant events are more on the frivolous side, but hey, couldn't this serious show use a little frivolity?

So the much buzzed-about America's Next Top Model season of the shorties is almost upon us, but after seeing the press release with the bios and photos of these vertically challenged girls, we think that "short" might be a bit of an overstatement. Sure, they aren't traditional runway height, but the smallest girl measures up at 5'3", which is at the taller end of the petite spectrum in most retail stores. And that's not the only thing that has me worried about Cycle 13: between the absence of judge Paulina Porizkova, a revolving door of guest judges and Tyra's ever-expanding ego, this season could be the biggest letdown yet.

MTV recently announced that it will be shutting down its Times Square studio since, now that there's no TRL, the space is usually vacant. Guess those poor "woo-hoo" girls will have to find a new place to stand and scream. The network also announced that it will launch five more scripted shows this fall. Both of these developments seem to be signifying the end of an era... an era when this music television network was solely focused on a lot of mediocre (yet addictive) reality programming. But what the network really needs to do is return to its roots. Here are my suggestions of what they should bring back to their airwaves.

Ugly Betty seems to be taking over today, but a few gems managed to shine through, like an awesomely new graphic-novel-turned-series about zombies as well as the greenlight for lots of scripted shows from an unexpected network.

Fox hogs the news today with the good (pseudo-Arrested Development reunion!), the bad (Octomom special), the overdone (another cop show?!) and some other stuff, too. Gossip Girl launches its new "WTF?" ad campaign, and Paula Abdul continues to be tossed around like the oh-so-desired commodity she is.

The Jonas Brothers may have hosted the show, but I swear Miley Cyrus was on stage more than anybody, even Robert Pattinson. Accepting awards, lightly pole dancing, "honoring" her "hero" Britney, lip-synching to somebody's plugged-in iPod (how is it possible to sound so bad while lip-synching? My vocal cords hurt for her), blessing us like the teen pope she is, talking to that mop-headed micromachine fast-talking guy, selling us Max Azria for Wal-Mart and on and on and on. Why bother even having somebody else host it? They should have just made Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Zac Efron, Chace Crawford and the JoBros line up on stage while Miley went down the row and sang, "Look at this guy!" over and over at them for two hours. It would have been much more efficient, yet still exactly the same show.

It's damn near the middle of August, which only means one thing: it's almost time for real television to come back! And to get us all super psyched about our favorite returning shows and our potential favorite new shows, NBC forced the amazing Joel McHale to star in their fall preview videos. Watch as he picks up trash, tortures Jay Leno and makes jokes about all the new medical shows while introducing the fall NBC trailers. As far as network marketing goes, it's no ABC House, but Joel McHale is never not awesome, even when he's talking to Jay Leno.

A much-anticipated show is moving up to a closer date, former stars get their jobs back, and a head honcho disses a famous star. That's the dish on the real-world TV news, but in the teeny-bopper realm, it's about Twilight, Twilight and more Twilight. Gag.