David Caruso -- Acting Coach
Removing your sunglasses a lot is not all that is required, sir.
Kim Zolciak -- Delusion Coach
Because for some reason she refuses to listen to the truth bombs Nene drops on her, and she really does need to know. And don't worry -- having someone else around who blatant tells her she can't sing, has polyester hair and looks 45 won't deter her at all from acting a fool on television like we like, and those scenes would be amazing to watch.
PC (NYC Prep) -- Anger Management Coach
Leaving PC's probable sexuality issues and subsequent frustration related to them out of it, this kid tends to overreact to really stupid things. If you're already losing it and calling your friends fat c-words for seating you in the second row of a fashion show at 18, it's time to reexamine your life. At 18. Seriously, somebody save PC.
Ben Linus -- Answering a Straightforward Question in a Straightforward, Truthful Manner Coach
He probably also needs a "being covered in something other than blood" coach, but this matter is much more pressing. The answer to "what is the monster" is not "I don't know," and when you tell someone you've been instructed to "move the island," you wanna elaborate a bit, you cryptic bastard?
Serena van der Woodsen -- Having More Than One Facial Expression Coach
I sort of secretly love Serena and think she's outright wonderful, but I can't recall any other TV character who was ever so gorgeous yet so boring to look at. She just makes that one face! No matter what! You know the one.
Michael Westen (Burn Notice) -- Simply Accepting Money for Your Work Like a Normal Person Coach
It started out as a way to show us what a great guy Michael is, and has now become a sort of inside joke between the show and its viewers, but it's time Michael started accepting payment for risking his and his friends' asses for his clients. We'll still consider Michael a saint, show, don't worry.
Claire Bennet (Heroes) -- Stupid Coach
OK, so yes, a lot of people on this show could use a stupid coach to help them be less stupid. But Claire continues to disobey HRG over and over again, with some tragedy always befalling her as a consequence, and every time expects a different result from this behavior. With few exceptions, HRG knows everything, Claire. Deal with it.
Maryann Forrester (True Blood) -- Being a Half-Decent Houseguest 101 Coach
Seriously, Maryann, how would you like it if someone invited the whole town over to have orgies and human sacrifices at your house every night, and then bitched about coffee and water heaters all morning before getting bunny blood all over the nice furniture in the afternoon?
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