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The Telefile
In <i>Shaq Vs.</i> His Own Ego, Roethlisberger, Ego Triumphant Despite my undying love of Shaq('s Twitter), I missed Tuesday's premiere of Shaq Vs., because I was out (on the town!), so apologies if this post doesn't seem timely. But really, Shaq is timeless. He was forged by Greek gods, according to the show's voiceover! He is not ruled by time and space. Or something. Anyway, the first 45 minutes of this show were actually quite enjoyable, by summer standards. It was certainly better than that Superstars crap we endured last month.

First of all, Ben Roethlisberger is very likeable, as it turns out. So that was a big help. Inevitably, Shaq will face off against someone with less of a personality one week, and it's not going to be so entertaining. Michael Phelps week, for example, will probably be slightly less of a laugh riot. But aside from the actual football game they played (which looked nothing like any actual football game I've ever seen, and was such a pointless farce it's not even worth discussing in detail), watching Shaq and Big Ben good-naturedly trash talk each other while playing HORSE, good-naturedly trash talk each other at a press conference, Shaq attempt and miserably fail an NFL draft test, Roethlisberger hilariously imitate Shaq's ogre run, and Shaq giggling about the prospect of winning Ben's Super Bowl ring for a week was pretty great television. (For summer, I mean. Obviously this wouldn't fly with me during the real TV season. Clarifications!)

But in the game of amazing quotes, Shaq vs. Ben is a much closer game:

"Do you really think you can win at any of these things you're going to do?" -- Ben Roethlisberger, playing the role of Hurley tonight.

"Me and my Donald Trump negotiation skills." -- Shaq (context irrelevant).

Verdict: Shaq, for the very narrow win.

Watch it again! There is literally nothing else to watch:

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