Anyway, this was my first time ever watching the Teen Choice Awards and there are some things I don't understand about the show: Are Jason Mraz and Ellen DeGeneres really teen people? Are the 35-year-old moms influencing the kids, or is it the other way around? That was unexpected. Secondly, they have a favorite gay guy award? No one has a problem with this? Neither the gay community nor the conservative community has a problem with singling out teens' favorite stereotypical homos? That was also weird. And I'm sure high schoolers watch True Blood, but aren't high school kids too old to be into any of this? Aren't the kids watching the Teen Choice Awards like 11? They probably shouldn't be watching True Blood enough to nominate it for things. Also, Dane Cook was there. To honor the "Choice Hotties." I know they attempted to de-gross that by trying to say it was really about how hot their careers are (good save!), but in actuality it was Dane Cook honoring barely legals, which... yikes. And Joe Jonas. He's too young to be aware that Mike Tyson bit someone's ear off one time, right? Maybe he should have had more information.

Overall, I felt like I was chaperoning this thing from my living room. And the entire time, I just couldn't stop thinking about how right then, at that instant, on paper I was technically no better than all the thousands of pedophiles watching. I am 97 years old! I shouldn't be watching Miley Cyrus attempt to pole dance on an ice cream stand! Thank god for the frequent and lengthy commercial breaks. Best part of the show.

You favorite moments, dare we ask? Leave them below.