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The Naughty Kitchen: Door Whores and More

They keep hyping this new Oxygen show The Naughty Kitchen as being from the people who made Ace of Cakes, but aside from the fact that they both involve food and plus-size chefs, I don't really see all that many similarities. Duff's a big old softie who likes to goof around with his employees and make sugary confections and play with power tools. Blythe Beck on the other hand is a gravelly voiced executive chef who rules with an iron fist and likes to drink a lot and make raunchy comments. Both have their merits, but there's not a lot of common ground.

For Beck, she's a driven young chef, who is obsessed with the color pink, is foul mouthed and really, really hates her wait staff (excepting Calvin, who she refers to as a "ginormous mansicle). She's fully devoted to making her restaurant, Central 214 (which is inside the Hotel Palomar in Dallas, TX), a big success, and throughout the course of the first episode she stresses because of an impending review from the Dallas Morning News. She's not just worried about her career (though she is) but she's also worried that if the restaurant flops, the 60 staffers who work for her will also be out of jobs.

Blythe's cooking is very down home comfort style, or as she likes to call it "Sexy New American Cuisine." Favored ingredients are beer, cheese, cream and bacon, and there appears to be a whole lot of frying going on. She says it's a little bit naughty, and totally plays up this fact when she's schmoozing with the customers in double entendre-filled (or often more blatant) conversations.

She seems like a fun/terrifying boss to have. She screams at her sous chef Eric (who she's dubbed "Monkey"), makes fun of the "door whores" (aka host and hostess) because they are really dumb, and threatens one waiter that if he messes up with the food critic, she'll wear his balls as earrings. She sort of reminds me of Gordon Ramsay a bit, in a mostly good way, though I can't imagine Gordon Ramsay ever saying that he's opposed to ass-kissing at a cocktail party, but is OK with fluffing.

The main staffers are the aforementioned monkey of a sous chef Eric, manscicle waiter Calvin and tweedle dee and tweedle dum at the door Curtis and Emily. There's also Megan, the general manager, who has a fondness for heels (Blythe of course hates the click-clack noise), Kerri the party planner, Terry (aka Boomtown) the drowsy waiter who they once found sleeping in a closet and Sam the cocktail server, who likes that his job is to get people drunk.

My favorite moments of the premiere actually happened outside of the restaurant, with Blythe getting her first foot massage, and with her indulging in some "vodka therapy" after the dreaded review finally comes in, and at the snooty monthly wine tasting she goes to. She was surrounded by Texas' elite wine snobs, who don't take too fondly to her saying one wine smelled like a dirty barnyard. She comes off as uncouth and socially awkward, but normal and totally relatable. I've been there before, trying to use the word bouquet and swilling "earthy" wines to make myself not look like an idiot. She just handles all these situations as herself, which is kind of refreshing... for a reality TV star.

The biggest problems I had with this show were getting past Blythe's really gravelly voice. She seems like a totally cool person, (in the preview Oxygen was showing earlier this month she is obsessed with Nick Lachey in a strange way and I find that hysterical), and normal. She's awkward in massages, calls her mom when she's upset and worries what people are saying behind her back. The other issue I had was that there wasn't enough focus on the food. Aside from the newspaper photographer taking some food porn pictures, I wanted to see more of how she comes up with new and different decadent items, as well as what the items on the menu are. It's all kind of a blur. I could do without the focus on some of the staff, if it meant that I got to drool longingly at those little fried puffs of goodness (which she made for the cocktail party) for five more minutes. Seriously.

Otherwise, she's naughty, she's nice, she's fun. The show's not perfect, but I can live with that... so long as I can stare at the mac and cheese on a weekly basis.

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A friend of mine from college created the show, so I'm pulling for it. Good luck, Brandy!

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That show is crap. A fake chef who cooks fatty food for untasteless costumers. What's happening with yoou, americans? Naughty?!?!?! Come on!!!

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