Adam Jasinski, winner of Big Brother 9, has confessed that he used his prize money to buy prescription pills and resell them, so he's probably going to jail for a bit. Guys, if you win Big Brother-sized money please try to buy something wholesome, like a dozen hot tubs filled with tequila or something.

Everybody's favorite terrifying fitness bulldog Jillian Michaels is getting her own spin-off on NBC called Losing It with Jillian, in which she will travel the country reforming fatties. That's fine with me if and only if she still stays on The Biggest Loser as well. Bob is the sweetest man alive but if I'm going to watch two hours of that show a week I need a drill sergeant to entertain me.

Oh no, being Balki made Bronson Pinchot spiral into depression kind of! You know, the more I cobble together these news round-ups, the more I'm of the opinion that being on television is no good for anybody.

Vic Mizzy, writer of the Green Acres and The Addams Family theme songs, has passed away at the age of 93. Maybe this will inspire some network fathead to bring theme songs back again. Because they rule.

Speaking of legendary theme songs, you gotta hear the jingles the Balloon Boy's dad wrote for his dream reality shows. He may be a criminal, but at least he had the decency to be not only stupid and careless enough to be caught easily, but a hilariously bad songwriter as well.