This season on Gossip Girl, Blair, Vanessa, and Dan began their college careers at New York University. But from the very moment Queen Waldorf stepped into her dorm room, something felt a little off. As a seasoned (and current) student of the behemoth private school, I like to think that I know a little more about NYU than the average bear, or television producer. Let's review the truth behind the gossip:
You Already Know Who Your Roommates Are Before Move-In Day
It would be completely impossible for Blair to not have known that psycho Georgina would be moving in with her. I knew who my roommates were two months ahead of time, but I only contacted one of them before move-in day -- a big mistake. If I had known that the one from Spokane was going to get mayonnaise on everything and that the other one was a cokehead, I would have asked for a switch ASAP.
The Dorm Rooms Are Quite Small and Decorated With Hospital-Type Furniture That You Are Forbidden to Remove
You're not allowed to take out any furniture already in your room. More importantly, you are not allowed to bring anything in -- unless you smuggle it in pieces. That's how we brought a TV stand into my room sophomore year, though I doubt that Blair's furniture is the kind that has to be assembled. And rarely have I seen a dorm room at NYU in which your bed is more than a few feet away from that of your roommate.
You're Not Allowed on the Roof of Any NYU Building
One episode featured a roof party at an NYU dorm where Dan ingratiated himself with his new classmates, much to Blair's chagrin. This could never be possible because the doors to the roofs in all buildings are sealed shut. Students have to save the rooftop parties for when they go to a friend's place on the Lower East Side.
What Every College Student Would Never Do
The November 9 episode featured a side plot in which Vanessa and Dan helped movie star Olivia (Hilary Duff) get some "real" college experience. After Dan magically pulled out a newspaper article featuring a list of "The 15 Things Every College Student Must Do Before Graduating," the trio embarked on a set of mini-adventures. Since they did not name all fifteen of those things, I'll just go ahead and dissect what was actually mentioned:
Get Sick After a Beer Pong Tournament at Bar None
Are you kidding? Bar None is one of the least appealing places in the East Village. The only people that go there are either way beyond college age and/or British tourists, and fights break out there nearly every night. Also, aren't these kids (or at least Olivia and Dan) supposed to be kinda rich? This is almost as bad as when I heard that Justin Timberlake was hanging out at the Village Pourhouse. And beer pong? Is this tenth grade?
Have Sex with Someone You Never Want to See Again
Okay, sure. If you can find sex at NYU, then go for it. Unfortunately, the only people having sex at NYU are those with significant others outside of NYU. And if you do somehow manage to hook up with a fellow NYU student, be aware that even at a university of 50,000-plus students, you will still see that person again.
Go to a Frat Party
You should never go to a frat party at NYU. There are only two frats to begin with, and all of the people in them are business majors. Do you like talking stocks and bonds? If so, then suit yourself -- both literally and figuratively, because rarely do I see a business major outside of a perfectly pressed Brooks Brothers suit.
Eat a Falafel at Mamoun's
Admittedly, the falafel is good there, but don't go too late or everyone in the place will be drunk. Also keep in mind that it's only $2.50 for a falafel, so Dan, Olivia and even Vanessa are too well-off to eat there, though I do like to think of Mamoun's as the great equalizer.
Do Some Fountain Yoga
Oh, I get it: NYU students are a bunch of hippy-dippy vegan yoga-heads, right? Anyone who would ever attempt contorting his or her body into yoga poses in the stagnant water of the Washington Square Park fountain may need a mental evaluation. Little kids pee in that thing all the time. Don't ever step in it.
And, finally,...wait for it...
Have a Threesome
Realistically, you should be happy if you can even get yourself in a twosome at NYU. The out-of-whack women-to-men ratio at the school leaves too many girls with too few guys to choose from. This leads to NYU women having to date around the city. Don't be surprised if you hear an NYU girl talking about "checking up on the market at the New York Stock Exchange." She's picking up dudes. Older dudes with cash.
Perhaps we will never know what other stupid things Olivia, Dan, and Vanessa partook in as they went down that list of 15, but chances are they were all just as silly. Stick with what (and where) you know best, Gossip Girl. There are already too many poseurs downtown as it is. XOXO.
For more about the reality behind the college fiction, check out the Gossip Girl coverage at All Things Fangirl.
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