The folks over at ABC have decided to pick up the pilot for another Shonda Rhimes series. That'll be three on the network, if you're counting. And guess which genre it falls into? You'll never figure it out. Oh, wait, you just did: it's a medical drama. Yes, she's just that predictable. This one is called Off the Map and it's reportedly about three doctors who are fed up with their lives and decide to go work in a clinic on a tropical island. Sounds really original and inspired, doesn't it? It definitely does not remind us of when Grey's Anatomy's Addison was fed up with life in Seattle and decided to work at a Private Practice in warm, sunny Los Angeles. Since life is short and DVR space is sadly not infinite, we've decided to do potential viewers a service by revealing what you're likely to see on Rhimes' new show well in advance. Thank us later.
Drunken Airport Hookup
Heading off for their local, two of the doctors will meet in an airport lounge, drink too much and then hook up either in a bathroom on the ground or in the air during their flight. Then when they turn up at the clinic for their first day at work, awkwardness will ensue as they discover that they are actually colleagues. (Depending on last-minute reshoots, a hotel bar may be substituted for the lounge.)
Three doctors, one island. It's bound to happen. We're guessing by episode four at the latest. Sooner if they're all roommates.
One of the doctors will have a secret past, either involving a child given up for adoption or a pornography career or a poor background (in fact, it could be all three). One of the other doctors (who hates that he or she has a crush on the doctor with the past) will expose the secret in the most public and embarrassing way possible.
It doesn't matter that this takes place at a tropical island clinic, this is a Shonda Rhimes show, so there needs to be some sort of elevator somewhere that the doctors can use to have exchanges/hookups/screaming matches.
A Brilliant Doctor
One of the lead doctors will be a surgeon, desperate to escape a cheating husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend who has fallen in love with someone else because watching them together is too painful. And this surgeon will be brilliant. We're talking top of their field and no one can possibly match them. And so naturally they will find themselves stuck working at a clinic in the middle of nowhere.
A Rival Clinic
One of the doctors will eventually leave the clinic in a fury over a relationship gone wrong or something equally stupid and then he or she will start a rival clinic right next door on the island and all of the staff from the now-competing clinics will quit and change places no fewer than eight times per season.
A Doctor Will Become a Patient
One of the doctors will either almost drown, suffer from some strange and nearly incurable form of cancer (or tropical disease) or be attacked by a crazy patient and will then end up in the operating room under the care of their colleagues. Much nail-biting will ensue.
Meredith and McDreamy will finally decide to take a honeymoon and, coincidentally, it will be on this particular remote island, where they'll get called in to the local clinic to help with a patient with some odd brain tumor that only McDreamy can remove. Later in the season (depending on the ratings), Addison and Sam will decide that a tropical retreat will be the place for their inevitable hookup/chance for Addison to get her groove back, and they will be called in by the local clinic to treat a pregnant woman with a rare disorder that only Addison can cure.
After being on the island for a few weeks, the doctors will start noticing that pregnant patients just go missing, and they'll eventually discover a tribe of locals (aka "the Others") who have trouble keeping babies alive. Okay, wrong show, but you know that ABC is going to be desperate for some sort of Lost substitute, right?
They See Dead People
No, not another Lost reference. There really will be some sort of odd supernatural happenings that lead the various doctors to see their dead parents, patients or lovers. Depending on the island, some sort of local religion and/or hallucinogenic substance may be involved.
Inept, But Hot, Intern Will Sleep With Boss/Mentor
It's a way for these young kids to learn, don't you see? And sleeping their way to better gigs that they don't necessarily deserve will be totally acceptable because they will be in love. We're not talking trashy, dirty sex in the on-call room here, people.
Disapproving Parents, Likely With a Stupid Nickname
Just when the young, sassy female doctor feels like she's settling in, her demanding father will arrive on the island in order to tell her that she's wasting her life. Father will go by some ridiculous moniker like "Big Daddy" or "The Captain" and will also disapprove of whatever sexual partner his daughter has recently picked up. Don't worry, it will all work out for the daughter as she stands up to her father and proves she can be independent.
Seattle Grace's Loss is Island Clinic's Gain?
It hasn't been announced whether or not Off the Map will be a spinoff of Grey's Anatomy, like Private Practice, or a completely separate concept. But let's just say that we wouldn't be surprised to see one of Seattle Grace's finest be given a very special departure episode to serve as a backdoor pilot for the new show. If that happens, you can bet it will feel awkward, forced and out of character for whoever's involved.
Are you excited about the possibility of Shonda's new show and all the inappropriate workplace behavior that will come with it? Or you dreading it after seeing how Private Practice turned out.
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