Dancing with the Stars has offered Paula Abdul a million dollars to appear on the show, though its unclear exactly what she'd be doing there. This contract would still allow Abdul to judge on X-Factor if she does in fact decide to. Jeez, can you imagine her and Bruno Tonioli together? That would seriously be CrazyPersonfest 2010.

Broadway veteran Brian Stokes Mitchell will be joining the cast of Ugly Betty for a multi-episode story arc later this season. Did you know that Mitchell was a voice actor for the California Raisins? Get out of here, you totally didn't know that.

Banoodles!: So You Think You Can Dance fans will be happy to hear that Mia Michaels will return as a judge for the NYC auditions. Obviously she'll have some insane new haircut, but there's no word yet if she'll mysteriously come back and be a judge all season. Don't toy with our hearts, Mia, we already mourned once because of you.

Great news for CBS fans as the network renewed Survivor, The Amazing Race, and How I Met Your Mother. If CBS was smart enough to bring back the short-lived 2003 classic My Big Fat Greek Life, they'd be golden!

Recently announced Spider-Man director Marc Webb (whose tricks we know pretty well by now) has been asked to helm a drama pilot just picked up by FOX. The show's about a polygamist, and I am personally begging Webb not to cast Zooey Deschanel. The last thing we need is a manic pixie dreamgirl sister-mother.

The TV gods must be very happy with me: My So-Called Life creator Winnie Holzman and her daughter may have an hour-long drama coming to ABC Family. Huge (based on a young adult novel) is set in a weight-loss camp and focuses on two girls who fall for the same guy. Here's hoping it's not Petey from Fat Camp.

Mama bird ABC has continued to sign impossibly more pilots today, giving them a grand total of 10 billion greenlit projects.

To the twelve people on Internet message boards who like Jay Leno: The Tonight Show returns March 1. Leno's first guest will be none other than Conan O'Brien! Just kidding, it's too soon, even for me.