Jason and Molly got married last week, but like most things, it's not real until it's on television. So now they're married for real! Let's go over the best and worst moments of the two hour wedding special that I missed perfectly good new episodes of House and 24 to watch.
Worst: The Epic Love Story That Wasn't
From the moment the special began, we were treated to Molly insisting to us that "we decided to really take our time, and get to know each other." Yeah. Less than a year. Jason dumped Melissa in March 2009, and he married Molly in February 2010, just for reference. And everyone, from Jason and Molly to their family members to Chris "Chris Harrison" Harrison, himself, kept talking about how it's been "quite a road" and a "reeeeeeally long road" to their wedding. I understand that the press has had a field day with your romantic lives and that that's probably an excruciating experience, but you've been on an 11-month long road. Calm down. An "embarrassing road" or a "tabloid-infested road" or a "shame I've brought upon my family by going on a reality show road" would have been more appropriate.
Best: Not Moving the Ceremony Indoors
The wedding planner complained about not being allowed to have an indoor Plan B in case of rain, but it was a brilliant choice on behalf of the show. Watching Bachelor all-stars slowly turn into wet cats was gripping television.
Worst: Jake and Vienna Reenact Lady and the Tramp
I'm glad they're happy together, but I am not glad they did that spaghetti kiss thing on national television. I know this is said a lot, but the people who make and participate in this show have the weirdest, most juvenile concept of romance I've ever seen.
Best: The "Fairytale" Count Remained Shockingly Low
I only counted four times that adults referred to desiring a fairytale. That's only a couple times more than actual children do per day!
Worst: Jason's Marrying Molly -- Or Is He?
For whatever reason, it was Charlie O'Connell and his girlfriend Sarah's job to bring up the Melissa subject on camera, and when they asked Chris Harrison if she was coming, he said "The bride and groom aren't here yet! You never know!" Like the bride might actually be Melissa or something.
Best: Jason's Family and Friends
They really brought some levity to this otherwise overly sappy exercise. After his friend toasted "Of all the women Jason's proposed to, I think Molly's the best" at his Bachelor bachelor party, I thought it couldn't possibly get better than that. Then, at the rehearsal dinner, his brother pulled out a doll from Jason's childhood doll collection, and the sheer terror and panic on Jason's face topped it.
Worst: I Object!
Since this show is convinced it is still 1957 in every way imaginable, they did that "If anyone objects to this marriage" thing during the ceremony, which no one actually does anymore. That would have been fine except that during the wait for someone to object (me shouting through the TV screen doesn't count, apparently), there was, of course, a lengthy cut to DeAnna in the audience (and I think Kiptyn? Like why would Kiptyn care that Jason and Molly are getting married?), who, naturally, sat there politely because, as she has made clear already, she does not want Jason. I know this show can't help itself, but there's no need to manufacture fake drama when no one tuning in expected to see any.
Worst: Love Poems and Your Own Vows and Doves
How much poorly written romance do they think we can take?
Neither Here Nor There: Jason Castro and Gavin DeGraw
Jason Castro didn't bother me that much, actually. And though I seriously doubt that Gavin DeGraw is really anyone's very favorite recording artist, he was hardly offensive sitting there singing his one song. I had far worse things to worry about while watching, anyway. Like fricking doves flapping over Trista and Ryan's heads.
Relive the magic and demon dolls here:
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