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TWoP 10: Worst-Sounding New Pilots

by Angel Cohn March 19, 2010 6:00 AM
TWoP 10: Worst-Sounding New Pilots

We love TV network pilot season because it's filled with such potential. So many shows in their infancy (a.k.a. script form), casting announcements flying around, the anticipation of something new from our favorite showrunners... But while many of the announced pilots already have us praying for full-season pick-ups, there are plenty of others that we hate based only on what little we know about them. Here are the potential shows that we hope don't make it to the fall lineup.

10. Kindreds (NBC)
A grouchy patent lawyer and a group of oddball associates work at a quirky law practice. Yeah, we like Kathy Bates, Ben Chaplin and Brittany Snow (even when she's not playing a white supremacist) but this seems like the most predictable David E. Kelley show yet. We can do without another Ally McBeal, thanks.

9. Body of Evidence (ABC)
Speaking of overcrowded genres, this series -- starring Dana Delany and Jeri Ryan -- is about a neurosurgeon/medical examiner who butts heads with her bosses. Because, you know, there aren't approximately 12 million surgeons, CSIs and MEs on TV already.

8. Who Gets the Parents? (ABC)
The plot of this one pains us. Literally. It's a sitcom about grown adults having a hard time adjusting to their parents' divorce. We don't care that it stars Adam Arkin (he'd be better off sticking with Sons of Anarchy) and Jane Kaczmarek, it just sounds awkwardly stupid. Of course, since it co-stars showkiller Lindsay Price, it's likely to only last about six episodes if it does get picked up.

7. Cutthroat (ABC)
So take a dash of Alias and a heaping helping of Weeds and stir them in a pot and you get this mess of a show. Mia Maestro (who we hated on the aforementioned Alias) is starring as a single mother running a drug cartel out of her suburban Beverly Hills house. Please, ABC, don't pick up this show just because she's pretty and co-star Jon Seda is attractive.

6. This Little Piggy (NBC)
Warning: Vanessa Minnillo is trying to act. Worse, she's trying to be funny in a contrived-sounding sitcom about siblings who move into the house they inherited from their parents. Did we mention the show has Vanessa Minnillo in it? We're not even going to pretend like we understand (or care) what that title is all about.

5. Untitled Wyoming Project (CW)
Speaking of family sagas involving people moving into their deceased parents' house... here's the latest offering from Gilmore Girls guru Amy Sherman-Palladino. It's about a guy who moves to a ranch in Wyoming and has to take care of his three little sisters. Since we did watch every single episode of Gilmore (even when it got totally ridiculous), we should be optimistic, right? No. Because we also saw The Return of Jezebel James.

4. Defenders (CBS)
Jerry O'Connell and Jim Belushi star as "fiery Las Vegas defense attorneys." Doesn't sound so bad... until you realize that it isn't a sitcom. Not sure we want to see (or would buy) either of these guys as hard-hitting lawyers.

3. Shit My Dad Says (CBS)
Show about a cranky dad who yells at his son? Great. We love those, but there have been a slew of them already. And this one seems problematic from the get-go, given that it's based on a Twitter account, has a title that will likely need to be changed and sounds pretty formulaic. Even casting William Shatner doesn't convince us that this show should live long and prosper.

2. Hawaii Five-O (CBS)
No matter how many big names from shows we loved are cast in this thing, remaking Hawaii Five-O still sounds like a dull, uninspired idea to us. The show's cast is a geek smorgasbord that includes Lost's Daniel Dae Kim, Moonlight's Alex O'Loughlin, Battlestar Galactica's Grace Park and Buffy's James Marsters. Yet we really dread hearing O'Moonlight say "Book 'em, Danno" to Scott Caan. Especially after Alex's last DOA series.

1. Wright vs. Wrong (ABC)
This does that annoying cutesy thing where the title makes a bad pun out of a character's name, and that's enough to make us hate it sight unseen. Debra Messing stars as a Republican pundit named Evelyn Wright (get it? get it?) whose personal life is put under the microscope because of her public image. It sounds like a cringeworthy Linda Bloodworth-Thomason or Diane English show from the '80s, and besides, we're not sure Messing has the chops to pull off conservative and funny. Just one of those might be taxing enough for her.

See more 2010 pilots we're concerned about and a few we're actually looking forward to here/

71 Comments

March 19, 2010 8:42 AM
Bianca33
Reply

No offense, but I think that you are dead wrong on Hawaii Five-O. It has an amazing cast, director and writers. The buzz for it has been extremely positive almost everywhere. Mark my words. This show will be a huge hit and the super talented Alex O'Loughlin will rise to unprecedented levels.

March 19, 2010 8:48 AM
Brandon
Reply


Body of Evidence, besides being in over crowded genre, sounds like a rip-off of "Crossing Jordan."

March 19, 2010 9:49 AM
Susan
Reply

Was going to consider watching Hawaii Five-0 until I heard that Scott Caan is Danno. Sorry, that's a deal breaker.

March 19, 2010 10:01 AM
Craig
Reply

How many shows do we need about law firms, really? Lawyers are not quirky and fun.

March 19, 2010 10:03 AM
Elle
Reply

Ah hell. I might have to check out Hawaii Five-O cos I really do enjoy Marsters. I'll be curious to see if the regretfully fake Brit accent comes into play and, if not, to see if he's nearly as captivating without it.

March 19, 2010 10:28 AM
Sara
Reply

While I really hope Debra Messing pulls it off, I agree about Wright vs Wrong. I want to like it because I like her, but I don't have high hopes.

March 19, 2010 10:28 AM
Shaun
Reply

The Debra Messing thing sounds awful. I don't have any problem with her playing conservative, but it would be hard to see how that kind of character could be sympathetic, since so much of American conservatism is about screwing over your neighbour and looking out for number one, to hell with everyone else.

March 19, 2010 10:29 AM
Ruthie
Reply

I was looking forward to Hawaii Five-0 (like you, Susan), especially after James Marsters signed on, but WTF are they doing to it?! Danno as a Jersey cop with a kid?! Ugh.

March 19, 2010 10:36 AM
kitty
Reply

Ugh! I think David E. Kelley should give it a rest already! EVERY SINGLE ONE of his shows is the same!

March 19, 2010 10:55 AM
rick
Reply

Body of Evidence only has Jeri Ryan going for it. Although couldn't they do a show where the ME, DA or whoever actually has a good working relationship with their boss. Must they always "butt heads"?
I would look forward to the Debra Messing show but frankly how many political sitcoms have ever been remotely funny?

March 19, 2010 11:30 AM
Pinky
Reply

Jerry O'Connell and Jim Belushi star as "fiery Las Vegas defense attorneys?" That sounds awful as a drama, sitcom, musical, reality show, commercial...

March 19, 2010 11:34 AM
The Mad Maple
Reply

I was actually kinda looking forward to Hawaii Five-O and Shit My Dad Says (Shatner's entertaining enough, but as a cranky sitcom dad? That's comedy gold!), and Body of Evidence was on my "check-out-the-pilot-first" list, but I'll give you the rest.

But seriously, there's a pilot out there about a group of twentysomethings who work part-time for the CIA to finance their backpacking trip across Europe, and that didn't make your list? For shame!

March 19, 2010 11:38 AM
12916studios
Reply

Instead of basing your opinions on the descriptions online, why don't you read the scripts first. Believe me, they are all out there on the net if you know where to look. I read CUTTHROAT weeks ago, and it was easily the best pilot checked out from the upcoming season. I love WEEDS and all, but CUTTHROAT goes where WEEDS does not, despite the fact that the latter is on pay cable and could get away with a whole lot more.

SHIT MY DAD SAYS was also, believe it or not, laugh out loud funny.

March 19, 2010 11:48 AM
cracar
Reply

Shaun, not that this is the forum for expressing political views, but where do you get your view of conservatives? That is like saying liberals only want to kill as many unborn babies as possible, destroy the conventional family and expand government into a massive nanny state that takes us deep down the road to socialism.... yeeesh! knock it off!

March 19, 2010 12:10 PM
The Mad Maple
Reply
replied to comment from 12916studios

Can't speak for the author of the piece, but I'm judging the pilots based on the blurbs because that's everyone's first impression of these shows is gonna be, and that's what needs to hook them. If the blurb doesn't pique their interest, then most people get the impression that the show is gonna follow suit, and they're not even gonna bother looking up the pilot scripts, especially not in the pilot stage. (For instance, I'm much more likely to watch a show like "disgraced ex-cop fights crime in a mask to clear his name" or "married spies kick bad guy butt" than one described as "adult siblings deal with their divorced parents" or (at the risk of repeating myself) "twentysomething backpackers work part-time for the CIA to finance their backpacking trip across Europe".)

Besides, this is just the pilot stage. Wait 'til the shows actually get picked up. Then we'll start obsessing about pilot scripts and released footage and the like. Trust me.

March 19, 2010 12:14 PM
Kate
Reply

Well, I agree in some.Most of them actually.The worst of the worst I would say Hawaii Five-0 and Body of Evidence.A remake of and old cop show, with a very weak cast and a show about a Neurosurgeon, really fun!.Duh!.Hope you write an article about the bestsounding new pilots, because there are lots of those this season .

March 19, 2010 12:15 PM
Nick
Reply

I might give "Hawaii Five-0" a chance still 'cause its providing work for 'Lost' and 'Battlestar' alumni. Most of these look pretty awful but what about the updated "Rockford Files"!? Sure, it has Alan Tudyk but it's Dermot Mulrooney - the least charismatic actor in Hollywood - whose replacing the, frankly, irreplacable James Garner.

March 19, 2010 12:23 PM
jamano
Reply
replied to comment from 12916studios

you waste your time reading pilot scripts? you know most of them dont get picked up, right?

March 19, 2010 12:44 PM
SueB
Reply

The only two I have heard of are Shit my Day and Hawaii 5-0. So far 5-0 sounds the best. And if you want to get tons of comments from O'Loughlin fans, this a good ploy. The cast for 5-0 has at least some acting chops and skills. I plan on watching if it gets picked up and I plan on continuing to turn off all reality shows. So over people looking for their 15 minutes of fame and ready for serious actors.

March 19, 2010 1:46 PM
annie
Reply

I am not looking forward to too many new pilots. But I agree about Hawaii Five-0. Why can't anyone come up with an original idea these days. They are remaking everything. These shows had their day in the sun and should stay in the past in our memories. Maybe as a feature film would be okay. Sit back and relax in air conditioning for two hours, but on a weekly basis is too much. I can't seem to recall one remake that was on tv recently that was successful and still airing. The past is the past and that is where it should be left.

March 19, 2010 1:48 PM
Maureen
Reply

Obviously CBS believes that Hawaii Five-O is going to be a new hit crime drama because of the seriousness in which this prime time network went full steam in casting all the talented young actors, writers, producers and director from well known and successful television shows and big films. I, my family and many of my friends are excited and anxiously looking forward to watching Hawaii Five-O for the 2010-2011 television season on CBS. Hawaii Five-O is going to be CBS's next new crime drama series.

March 19, 2010 1:50 PM
Tori
Reply

Oh come on, Dana Delany can pull off anything. Maybe this will surprise you. Either way, the Delany movement will move with her.

March 19, 2010 1:57 PM
CandyMaize
Reply

I will be checking out Hawaii Five-0. I'll admit, I'm not fond of remake idea .. but casting alone is enough to get me to try it. Then it's up to the "show" (writing, directing/editing, production values etc etc) to prove itself worthy of getting me to keep watching.

March 19, 2010 2:08 PM
Marie
Reply

The only one of the above that might be interesting is the one with William Shatner in it. I find him very funny. I will give that a shot just for him. All the others don't sound too good. How many more cop shows can we possibly have on tv? This year alone the new pilot season has 21 new cop dramas. There is one (though not mentioned here-thankfully) that sounds good. The one with Tom Selleck. Other than that, the Hawaii remake may pull some in for the cast, but it needs to be great to keep them coming back for more. Many people are tired of all the remakes. Everytime we turn around they are remaking something. Laverne&Shirley, Overboard, Arthur, Terminator, KnightRider. Remakes never do well. It is a proven fact. Where are all the remakes from previous seasons? Exactly. No disrespect to anyone or the cast, but a 30 year old cop drama just doesn't cut it in the 21st century.

March 19, 2010 2:08 PM
Becca
Reply

What the heck does "worst sounding" mean? A good pilot or show with a bad title?? Arrgh, misleading article!

March 19, 2010 2:14 PM
HoneyBee
Reply

can they really put "shit" on the title (CBS)? won't they censor it?

March 19, 2010 2:27 PM
Ada
Reply

If Jerry O'Connell has a new show, that means no Rex is Not Your Lawyer. Which means no David Tennant weekly on my screen. Which is bad. But just as well, because Jerry O'Donnell is the new Ted McGinley.

March 19, 2010 2:56 PM
Kristi
Reply

I really don't think you're on the right track with Hawaii 5-0. It sounds promising to me. Alex O'Loughlin is a very likable actor and that's probably why they keep trying to create a hit show for him. I also think the fact that Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci (Star Trek) are involved is a huge positive.

March 19, 2010 3:12 PM
Tyrone
Reply

You know, if anyone of these shows, with the exact same premise and the exact same cast was being produced by Joss Whedon or JJ Abrams, TWOP would already harping about how awesome it will be.

March 19, 2010 3:34 PM
Eli
Reply

Shouldn't it be Shat my Dad Says?

Yep, I went there.

March 19, 2010 4:39 PM
Ebbie
Reply

You are so wrong about Hawaii 5-0. I have such a good feeling about this show, great actors and really good writers which is a lot more than can be said about some of the dross on TV these days. I am looking forward to H5-0 having a long and successful run.

March 19, 2010 4:40 PM
Amber
Reply

Wright vs wrong, seriously? You couldnt Come up with à name for your lamé show so you had to steal it from à videogamE

March 19, 2010 4:53 PM
CGH
Reply

And "this little piggy" ran all the way home...

March 19, 2010 6:43 PM
Amy
Reply

Was so-so on Hawaii 5-0, then was going to check it out for an episode because of James Martsers, and now I'm scared that Orci and Kurtzman are invloved. They should stick to movies and not write for TV- Star Trek vs. several bad Alias episodes.

March 19, 2010 7:52 PM
Nightmarish Logic
Reply

Body of Evidence (ABC) has a maybe for me depending on timeslot. Hey it has Dana Delany AND Jeri Ryan so MAYBE. (I don't care about plot...female eyecandy...i'll turn the volume off if I have to.)

March 19, 2010 7:54 PM
Nightmarish Logic
Reply

Body of Evidence (ABC) has a maybe for me depending on time slot. Hey it has Dana Delany AND Jeri Ryan so MAYBE. (I don't care about plot...female eye candy...i'll turn the volume off if I have to.)

March 19, 2010 8:20 PM
Niamhgall
Reply

If Hawaii Five-0 gets picked up I will definately be watching it (if it comes to Ireland) for no other reason than James Masters is in it he is amazing

March 19, 2010 8:45 PM
Kelly
Reply

I read the Hawaii Five O script and it was fantastic. I'm definitely going to watch if its on the fall schedule. I don't care if it is a remake. The original has been off the air for over 20 years. Many viewers age 38 and under likely never even saw the original.

March 19, 2010 9:11 PM
ThePowersBackOn
Reply

Reading these pilot descriptions makes me feel better about shows I like that are currently on the air. If these are the potential replacements, current shows have nothing to worry about.

March 19, 2010 9:47 PM
12916studios
Reply
replied to comment from jamano

I'm studying to be a television screenwriter, ergo it would behoove me to read every single TV script I can, especially pilots.

Also, SHIT MY DAD SAYS has been censored in the script as S#!% MY DAD SAYS, so it's assumed that's how they'll title the show.

March 19, 2010 10:30 PM
Connie
Reply

I think H5O will be great! The cast is amazing and Alex is a very talented actor. Give it a chance before you write it off.

March 19, 2010 10:47 PM
jj
Reply

Can you even say "shit" on CBS?

March 20, 2010 6:43 AM
Marisa
Reply

I think that it is too early to say that a project is not going to work and I believe that in this case they are wrong, we must give him a real opportunity to demonstrate that with a team of scriptwriters, direction and production as the one that has Hawaii 5.0, we can expect the result it be a great series.
But also, all actors of the cast so far are of the best we've seen and with the talent of Alex O'Loughlin as a lead player, this will be one of the big successes of the next season.

March 20, 2010 7:09 AM
Sydney
Reply

Is there anything wrong with Vanessa Minillo like every other adult human being, including yourself with you acid writing, trying to make a living? Not every actress who is successful today was a success early in her career.

March 20, 2010 7:44 AM
Toni
Reply

The casting is the reason I WON'T be watching Hawaii5-0. Where are they getting these people? Terrible casting!

March 20, 2010 9:43 AM
Caro
Reply

I truly feel that you are completely wrong about Hawaii 5-0. The premise of the updated show is excellent, the cast has a wide range of appeal....and Alex O'Loughlin is a very talented and likable actor that brings out the best in his co-stars. The demographic that the # crunchers cater to are perfect for this newer version....that generation never saw the original so they have nothing to compare it to and are more open to something new & fresh.

March 20, 2010 9:56 AM
Moonlightaddicted
Reply

I don't know the desire of some critics demolish some projects before seeing anything.This new version of Hawaii 5.0 has everything to be a great success.Great writers, producers, some great actors, and as head of Alex O'Loughlin,that he is the best possible actor for this role.It only requires to be put in a good time slot and I'm sure it will be the next big hit of the season.So please do not judge prematurely.

March 20, 2010 12:53 PM
Lord Seth
Reply

What's the point of making a list based on the worst-SOUNDING pilots? You haven't even seen any of them. It kind of goes too far when you're asking the companies to not pick up a pilot based entirely on what you've heard about it, rather than based on the actual pilot. Heck, I'm not even a fan of judging a show based on the pilot, because plenty of shows improve quite a bit after it.

March 20, 2010 1:03 PM
binthere
Reply

I didn't watch Five-O the first time around, so they can cast whoever they want, no matter to me. For sure, I'm not going to watch The Rockford Files without Jim Garner.

March 20, 2010 1:30 PM
MsFeasance
Reply

I humbly submit that they should call @ShitMyDadSays "Shat My Dad Says." In light of the casting.

March 20, 2010 2:08 PM
Whisperia
Reply

Daniel Dae Kim and Grace Park have me sold on Hawaii Five-0. I'm a big fan of both Lost and BSG, and I love them both.

I'll be checking out Untitled Wyoming Project if it gets picked up. I agree that The Return of Jezebel James was terrible, but Amy Sherman-Palladino hasn't quite used up the cred she earned with me from the first few seasons of Gilmore Girls. Although if this show sucks, that'll just about burn off any goodwill I have towards her.

March 20, 2010 3:11 PM
Jeramy
Reply

As far as I know, Amy Sherman is only producing that series not writing for it.

She still has a deal with HBO.

March 20, 2010 4:05 PM
Moonlightaddicted
Reply

I don't know the desire of some critics demolish some projects before seeing anything.This new version of Hawaii 5.0 has everything to be a great success.Great writers, producers, some great actors, and as head of Alex O'Loughlin,that he is the best possible actor for this role.It only requires to be put in a good time slot and I'm sure it will be the next big hit of the season.So please do not judge prematurely.

March 20, 2010 5:41 PM
Wendy
Reply

Hawaii Five-O with a star studded cast (especially Alex O'Loughlin, Daniel Dae Kim, Grace Park, Scott Caan, Jean Smart, Taryn Manning, James Marsters), and a superb team of writers, producers and director will become CBS's next new procedural crime drama. The current generation has not even seen the original Hawaii Five-O, which aired during 1968-1980. You are too premature to be critical any of new pilots before they even are approved and aired on prime time television. Based on the current excellent team of cast and crew, my family and I am very excited about watching the new Hawaii Five-O.

March 21, 2010 12:06 AM
Lee
Reply

I see there are some O'Loughlin (I like O'Moonlight better) squealing groupies here - with saccharin-sweet praise for every aspect of H5O just because he's in it. They're drooling over him like a piece of meat...Les Moonves of CBS included. For those who don't remember his words this past winter: "If I weren't a man, well..." Huh???? Shame on this un-savvy, out of touch head of CBS!

H5O doesn't sounds like another dud...as has been said, remakes never do well. H5O won't fly, little girls.

March 21, 2010 12:08 AM
Lee
Reply

Correction: H5O DOES sound like another dud.

March 21, 2010 2:05 AM
Carol Seaver
Reply

Hawaii 5-0 was a great show (seasons 1-6 anyway) and does need to be remade. However, I would support remaking the TGIF lineup - lets remake Full House, Growing Pains, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Brotherly Love and how about Goodnight Beantown?

March 21, 2010 8:33 AM
Denise
Reply

I don't decide whether or not to watch a show based on a blurb. If I did I would have missed that show about a Texas HS football coach. I tuned in because Kyle Chandler was in it (opps, does that make me a squealing fangirl?) and am glad I did. When reviews and promos start coming out it will give a better sense of what a show is about. Its also hard for me to take this list seriously as Bravo owned TWOP conveniently includes Bravo reality spinoffs as what they would watch and includes a show on the "won't watch" list because its a remake but not another that is also a remake.

March 21, 2010 10:22 AM
Cerri
Reply
replied to comment from Maureen

I agree with you Maureen.

March 21, 2010 2:04 PM
Thufir
Reply

I saw Jim Belushi in a small role in Ghostwriter as the American editor. Shaved head, cynical, blunt, I actaully thought he was kind of great. I'll give him a shot in a legal drama.

March 21, 2010 10:20 PM
Saeward
Reply
replied to comment from Shaun

Virtually every time a show tries to portray a (politically) conservative character, they softpedal the politics so the character can remain sympathetic. Because real conservatives--at least the ones we see publicly--aren't sympathetic at all. They can't be patriotic without casting aspersions; they can't be religious without demonizing others, and they can't exalt "family values" without attacking nontraditional lifestyles. So we get conservatives who aren't very conservative. I would rather have a real conservative who might not be sympathetic but is genuinely funny, and let someone else generate the sympathy.

March 22, 2010 1:49 AM
Emma
Reply

~I see there are some O'Loughlin (I like O'Moonlight better) squealing groupies here - with saccharin-sweet praise for every aspect of H5O just because he's in it.~

Groupie, yes. Praise, no. I hate remakes, and if it bombs, maybe CBS will finally be convinced he's a showkiller and he can go get better gig on TNT or something.

March 28, 2010 3:23 AM
Trixie
Reply

ITS SOOOOOOOOOOO EASY to sit on your a$$ and judge someone else's art, isn't it you talentless f's - but before you go writing off Wright vs. Wrong just on its title, at least know this: its written by the EXTREMELY talented and brilliant Stephnie Weir - so at least watch it before you decide that you hate it, you stupid dumba$$es! You have no concept of what it takes to get a pilot sold in this town. Rent the movie 'TV Set' and educate yourself, and maybe stand up and go outside and get a life while you're at it.

March 30, 2010 12:44 AM
cj wills
Reply

This whole discussion is total bullshit! Let's wait until we see, or the "powers that be" see, the pilots and make a decision based on actual film. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. But, of course, morons are not familiar with Shakespeare, are they?
CJ

May 4, 2010 5:32 PM
Jay Dees
Reply

Isn't it amazing how someone can trash a perspective series just because of the title or the story line? Makes me glad I don't work with, near or around these negative thinkers.


September 21, 2010 3:46 PM
Captain Curmudgeon
Reply

Stopped watching Hawaii 50 at 13m55s. Too much BS.

o I got out of the Navy in '67 but I don't believe that even now officers can habitually run around with a fashionable two-day stubble. Beard (which wasn't possible in my day) or clean-shaven or get the hell out.

o I've lived in HI long enough to know that the governor won't speak of Oahu as "my island."

o How can your superiors rate you as "the best ever" when your prisoner escort convoy gets its ass kicked by one helicopter and three ninjas because you don't have the sense to maintain radio silence?

June 2, 2011 8:36 PM
www.televisionwithoutpity.com
Reply

Twop 10 worst sounding pilots.. Huh, really? :)

June 3, 2011 1:30 AM
www.televisionwithoutpity.com
Reply

Twop 10 worst sounding pilots.. Awesome :)

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