A lot of that has to do with the fact that the show keeps desperately trying to be Twin Peaks by throwing in quirky characters who are unnecessarily creepy: a sheriff who is crazed and possessed and cuts off his own hand; a creepy landlady who just issues vague threats about a mysterious room upstairs; a dapper business owner who impractically runs a movie memorabilia shop and refuses to leave town, etc. But the thing about Twin Peaks was that it was messed up and weird in the most awesome kinds of ways (well, at least when it started). Here, the weirdness just comes across as trying too hard, with extended shots that exist only to say, "You know this person is weird, right? Be suspicious as we try and throw you off the scent of the real murderer, or who knows -- he or she may actually be the real murderer," or "This is a clue, or we want you to think it is. Pay very close attention here." It's like when The Vampire Diaries shows you people walking across the threshold. I get it, I get it. I've seen TV shows before.

In fact, the not-so-happy town's whole atmosphere feels forced. Instead of having that Men in Trees/Northern Exposure natural group of oddballs, here they are all obsessed with missing people and the bread factory and a big thaw and keeping rich kids away from poor kids. The town even has Abraham Benrubi (who was also on Men in Trees) running what is apparently the only place in town to eat (much like his gig on Trees). Except here, they have him making leading comments so that you might think he's "mysterious" or a suspect.

The whole thing comes across more like the recent Harper's Island than anything else, with a series of gruesome deaths and a serial killer who has returned after a hiatus. I grew tired of that show rather quickly, though I know it had its fans and the death scenes were indeed awesomely creative. But the murder-of-the-week thing is hard to sustain if there is just a lot of weird clues that don't amount to anything.

But the thing that really put me off here, especially in the first episode -- aside from the sheriff weirdly babbling about Chloe and Henley being a rather unmemorable lead -- was the dialogue. The scene with Henley and Mr. Grieves talking about classic film came off as pretentious when it didn't need to be. And Mr. Grieves opening up a shop called "The House of Usher" seems a little too on the nose. Yes, let's give his shop an Edgar Allen Poe name, just so we seem more dark and people will go read that story and look for clues. And the conversation with the seemingly simple small-town sheriff, who out of nowhere starts explaining to his grown son about his major by reciting what sounds like the generic dictionary definition, just seemed unnatural, out-of-character and was generally off-putting.

And that's not even to get into the nitpicky annoying stuff that irks me. Like: why would the landlady leave the door to the upstairs wide open if she didn't want anyone to go up there? Why does Tommy have a babysitter walk his daughter to school when he's supposed to have a day off? Is he just lazy? Why do they spend so much time trying to make me think that Sam Neill is sexy? Why does the rich teenage boy talk about love like he's on Dawson's Creek? Why is Amy Acker in this? Was this why she wasn't on Dollhouse for a while? Because, really, while that show had problems, too, at least she played a cool character. Here she's so far just an ordinary housewife.

Anyway, I doubt that Hot Topic will be having a big run on "Who is the Magic Man?" t-shirts any time soon. And the only way this show could surprise me if it turns out that the secret ingredient in that delicious smelling bread that is all over town was people. Oh, please let it be people! That might keep me watching... well, at least until the show's inevitable cancellation.