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The Telefile
If a Reunion Happens On A Show No One Watches… Did It Really Happen?

I haven't seen the ratings yet, so I can't say for sure that no one watched the Project Runway reunion last night, but given that they ran it as an episode of Models of the Runway, I've got a hunch that the viewer turnout didn't break any new records. I mean, I watched Models of the Runway, but I'm not proud of that fact. It was by far the most pointless program that I regularly checked out, and that's saying quite a bit as I watch a lot of highly irrelevant television.

My point is, why bill this big reunion as an episode of that utterly lame series? Why not rename it something else so people don't feel so guilty about possibly wanting to see the after-show? Anyway, since I'm guessing that the vast portion of the population tuned out after Seth Aaron's win, here's what you missed. I have to share because, otherwise, it was 30 minutes of my life that I can't get back.

Seth Aaron told Nina and Tim that his win hasn't sunk in yet. While he was talking, Emilio just sat in the corner looking pissed off/depressed.

Speaking of Emilio, he was shocked that the judges loved his collection, so he didn't understand why it didn't win. Nina Garcia was on hand to explain the difference between a line and a collection and innovation and sell-able clothing. He tried hard to swallow this bitter pill, but mostly came off as an annoying straight-A student asking his teacher why he didn't get an A+. Emilio, I'd like to find a way to introduce you to Li'l Russell from Survivor.

When asked who gets recognized a lot now, Anthony pipes up, called Nina his girlfriend, made Tim Gunn laugh and explained how he got stopped at a gas station by a sassy lady.

Christina, a.k.a. Seth Aaron's model, said that someone spotted her as well and told her that she looked just like that girl on Project Runway. Not surprising that the woman didn't know her name. Ping gets confused when people call out her name in the fabric store. She also forgot that she was ever on this show.

Tim talked about model loyalty as if anyone actually cares about that. Clips from Models of the Runway were shown, since again, I'm probably in the minority of people who actually saw this "drama" as it unfolded originally. The designers defended their choices, and the models were asked about wearing some of the wilder fashions. What a waste of time.

Tim asked the designers which challenges were their favorites. Jay and Mila agreed that the hardware task was their favorite. Jay and Mila agreeing? Times have really changed. That quitter Maya threw some stones at Jay, saying he shouldn't have won because he took the easy way out by using trash bags. Nina said that they were awesome pants and basically told Maya that she doesn't know shit about fashion... in a polite sort of way. Jay got in a little jab, saying that he wanted his model in that challenge to look bitchy like Mila and Maya. Nice one, Jay.

The models then babbled about the outfits that they most wanted to wear. Snooze.

Tim showed people trash talking in their one-on-ones to find out how people reacted when they saw the show. Mila and Anthony apologized in a "lady-like" manner for their bitchy comments (especially Anthony's to the NY Post) and decided to end their hard feelings there before Anthony had to give up a kidney. Yeah. Moving on.

Tim wanted to know what people thought of Emilio's "critiques." Anthony claimed that Emilio was like an African-American version of Tim. Tim doesn't think he trash-talks. Then Emilio took offense to the implication that he trash-talks (he totally does, and Tim calls him on it). And then some designer who I've totally forgotten at this point said that Tim does talk a lot of smack in his blog, but he said that is just telling "truth about [their] work." Tense!

In a total non-sequitur, Jay went back to a comment that Cerri (one of the models) made about him only being able to design for tanned California blondes. She explained that she just basically didn't like his style. My sweet little Jay bitched back to the pale Irish gal, "That's why I never would hire models with bad teeth and thick legs." Whoa. There's catty (which I love) and just plain old being an ass. I think Jay crossed that line. Stunned silence from the crowd. Even Nina thought he was just mean. Jay started to well up (shocker) and said that he was hurt because he never got to work with her and she was down on him, so it didn't make sense in his mind. Nina forced him to apologize.

Ping (who, it should be noted, wore a knit hat that looked like it belonged on an anime character) was also on the verge of tears when asked about working with Jesse. She cried/mumbled something about shining like gold, then out came the tissues. Apparently she did remember some things about being on this show. Tim gave Jesse a chance to explain his actions, which were basically, "I don't understand Ping's crap, I just wanted to win the challenge." Then she talked about how he called her a bitch, and he had to apologize. There was a lot of that going around, apparently. Tim told Ping she's a wild nutjob with crazy ideas and that Jesse was just trying to steer the ship in order to get something down the runway. She cried more.

On to the seemingly juicy topic of Maya's exit. I can't properly describe the sourpuss look on Maya's face when she heard that this was the next item up for discussion. You know how Tyra always tells the Top Model girls to stop making a face like they "smell dookie"? It was sort of that same expression mixed with boredom and a little bit of "bitch, please." She stood by her story about having to grow up more, and figure out what her direction is. She wants to be in Bryant Park on her own terms. Good luck with that ever happening. She claimed to wonder if she made the wrong decision, but her speech lacked sincerity. There was also a model that left in that same "episode" (well, the same week, on a different show). Seth Aaron's model, to be specific. She basically took a job with money instead of gambling. That's a decision I can get behind.

Nina ended by telling all the designers how talented they are. And then Jonathan kissed her ass for a while. Tim admitted that he makes mistakes, but he only wanted the best for all of them. How sickly sweet. At least they had the decency to run the clip package of Tim giving comments and explaining to Anthony what viscera was. But why bring Amy and some other favorites back if you aren't going to give them a chance to ever say anything? Irksome.

See the worst moments of the season. A hair shirt, anyone? How come no one brought that up at the reunion?

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