[EXTERIOR: The Island. Hurley and Ben are sitting on the beach.]

HURLEY: The new candidates should be here any minute now. Do you have the list of who's going to be coming?

BEN: Yes, right here.

HURLEY: Great. Number them, then cross out everyone's name except numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23 and 42.

BEN: Of course, the numbers! And one of those six will be the new protector? Why? How do you know?

HURLEY: Funny story! Turns out, those are holy numbers of Taweret, Egyptian goddess of fertility and the patron saint of this island. That's why they're written everywhere, and how I won the lottery. Turns out humans weren't meant to use the lucky numbers of the gods, though. That's why my luck stank for so long.

BEN: Wait, how did an Egyptian goddess become the patron saint of an island in the South Pacific?

HURLEY: An expedition of Egyptians came here in, like, 2500 BC, and set up a colony. They built a temple and everything. In order to ensure that the colony would flourish, they built the statue of Taweret and asked for her blessing. Taweret granted it at first, but eventually the population turned away from the old gods, and began to worship dark forces in a cave underneath the island. Kinda like the Kali cult in Temple of Doom.

BEN: Is this the glowing cave? With the waterfall?

HURLEY: You got it. So the high priest accidentally unleashed these dark forces from their crack in the cave floor, and they turned him into the first smoke monster. When Taweret found out, she was pissed, so she destroyed the smoke monster, sealed up the crack, hid the cave and cursed the island, so that nobody could ever conceive and give birth to a child here ever again.

BEN: Well, that explains that. But how does the donkey wheel fit in?

HURLEY: Ah, some guy had a crazy idea to harness the energy in the cave, so he built that thing. It wouldn't have worked, but Taweret made it so that if anyone tried to use it, they'd get zapped to the other side of the planet, and the island would move to a new location. It's like a Viper Security System for the-- whoops, here they come!

[Futuristic plane crashes on beach. It does not explode, and survivors stumble from the wreckage. An old man looks around and raises his fists in triumph.]

OLD MAN: Yes! After a lifetime of searching, I've found it!

HURLEY: Uh, who are you, dude?

OLD MAN: I'm Aaron! Aaron Littleton! My mother was trapped on this island for years, and now I'm back to seize its power for my own! MUAH-HA-HA!

HURLEY: [To Ben] What number is he?

BEN: [Checks list.] 14.

HURLEY: Uh-oh. Look, Aaron, you're never gonna find the cave of power. And your mom and I were friends, but if you don't give up your quest, I'm gonna have to unleash the giant bird Jacob trained to say my name and the polar bears the DHARMA Initiative trained to give people hugs.

AARON: I'm afraid not, Hurley -- for I have [opens suitcase] an electromagnetism detector and a gun! [Removes both.]

HURLEY: Damn! He's got us there.

AARON: I've also got [pulls key out of pocket] the key to Jacob's magic cabin! My mom swiped it when she was hanging out with the Man in Black, and she told me I could use it to summon the cabin to take me wherever I want to go on the island, as long as I know where I'm going.

[The cabin suddenly appears.]

HURLEY: So it's like the TARDIS? Jacob never mentioned that. I thought it was just a prison he kept the Man in Black in.

AARON: Ha! What a dumb theory! Well, I'm off to find the magic cave and steal all the island's power for my--- WHAT THE--

[A big box of DHARMA Initiative food, lowered by parachute, squashes Aaron.]

HURLEY: Yes! The food's here! [To Ben.] Did you ask for the stuff I wanted?

BEN: Uh-huh! Right before the last fake status report went out from that automated computer terminal, the one that I've been using for years to fool the Dharma Initiative into thinking everyone is still alive, I tacked on your latest menu requests. There should be plenty of freeze-dried fried chicken.

HURLEY: [Raises box aloft.] Yes! Prepare for deliciousness, candidates!

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