It's summer, and I have nothing else to talk about, which means it's time to pretend to be serious about Drop Dead Diva again. Don't get me wrong -- I actually adore the show, despite knowing how bad it is for me, it's just that... it seems silly to review a premiere like this. What am I going to say? The writing is still terrible? The acting is still bad? That it still has no right to be an hour long? That the courtroom scenes remain as ludicrous as Legally Blonde's? All those things were true last season, and they were true of last night's Season 2 premiere. You know, Drop Dead Diva just might be the most consistent show on television, when you think about it.

Kate Gosselin is back on TV and, for better or for worse, at least she's not dancing anymore. Last night was the series premiere of Kate Plus 8, which really did play out as the title suggests -- exactly like Jon & Kate Plus 8 minus Jon.

The MTV Movie Awards were a horror show of blatant corporate shills, awkward new stars shying away from the spotlight and sad, fading ones desperately grasping for it (J.Lo and Xtina -- you poor girls), but brush all that human tragedy aside and you get the real prize: the first ten minutes of Jersey Shore Season 2! Now, please, stop pretending you hate Jersey Shore. No one believes you. With that said, let's review the cast's finest quotes and hope they didn't blow all the good stuff on the preview.

Dance Your Ass Off. You won't admit that you watch it, but you do. I can admit it. I have that luxury because I've been published saying I watch The Bachelor and Police Women of Memphis so clearly I have no shame. So yay! Dance Your Ass Off Season 2! Because I'm obviously excited about the show's premiere tonight, I got on a conference call with its new and better host Mel B to get her answers to some riveting questions like "Are they going to dance to Spice Girls songs?" Just some really hard-hitting journalism. Get ready to have your mind blown and click through for highlights.

I've got some good news for people who hate Brothers and Sisters!

Congratulations, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt -- you've managed to get yet another article written about you. It's sad that it had to be about you pretending to break up, but congrats on getting people (and People) to report on the break-up like it was real. (And saying it was over "fake bad press"? So meta!) Hopefully, this revelation won't affect your ability to get onto a show about single girls, Heidi, or your ability to dress like a hobo, Spencer, but if you're running out of fake scandals to milk, here are some headlines we came up with that we're pretty sure the more gullible celebrity rags will go for. Use them whenever you feel the warming glow of flashbulbs fading away and the cold winter of anonymity approaching. We've even suggested handy follow-up projects!

Lots of new today, so let's get crackin'!

I'm trying not to get too personal or gossipy in today's TWoP news. Let's see how long that lasts.

Jillian Michaels is a polarizing figure when she's just a supporting character on The Biggest Loser, so I imagine people are simply exploding with opinions over her starring turn in Losing It with Jillian. I'm not particularly interested in breaking down in detail what's healthy and what's bullshit about her training approach (this isn't a fitness blog), but there is a lot to say about the show. The premiere was interesting, at least, and it's rare that I can say that about a summer show.

I know what you're thinking: Another show about New Jersey? For reals? Before I watched a screener of the series premiere, I was right there with you, but I'm pleased to report that the only things Jersey about this show are its name and setting, which are barely addressed, at least in the pilot episode.