Media calls with television talent are often an overly-coached exercise in futility, and though yesterday's ABC call with Ali Fedotowsky, Roberto and Chris L. wasn't quite as pointless as an American Idol call, it was pretty goddamn close. So I just decided to post the real questions and answers with a helpful little translation of what these Bachelorette-ites really mean with their scripted answers. Enjoy, and feel free to play along in the comments.
What made you take the leap of faith that Roberto would propose?
Ali: You know, [him not proposing] was definitely a fear of mine, but, my relationship with Roberto is so strong, that I felt I had faith. I have faith that he feels the same way about me and you always have a fear, but I think what's so great about me, sort of overcoming that fear, is I overcame it in the best possible way. I didn't have two guys at the end, I just had that one. So, I feel really good.
Translation: "Sure, it's only natural to be concerned about rejection, but I'm no dummy -- I chose the less sincere guy on purpose. Roberto wasn't going to risk a negative People cover by not proposing to me after five dates like a normal person would."
When did you know your final decision?
Ali: I knew for sure, with a 100 percent that it was Roberto, during our last date together. On my date with Roberto, [I was] focused on Chris, but I couldn't focus on Chris. I just want to spend more time with Roberto. So, that's when I knew for sure. But in retrospect, looking sort of back to the first night, that feeling that I [had] when I saw him was like nothing I've ever experienced. So, I don't know. I kind of think I fell in love at first sight.
Translation: "When I looked at his face and noticed that Roberto was a hot person, I realized that despite all my assertions that I love unique people, I just really wanted to make out with the obvious handsome guy for a while."
What were your family's reactions to finding out that you were engaged?
Ali: They're so happy for me and they just love this guy and they're like 'When can we come out and be with you two and get to know Robert better?' And I'm like, 'Oh, as soon as we can. You know, we have a lot of going on right now.'
Translation: "As soon as we figure out when to announce our break-up."
What's next for you, Ali?
Ali: My reason for being The Bachelorette was 100 percent, you know? I don't care what anyone says, my reason was to find love and with being The Bachelorette, there's also this media frenzy, and all this publicity that has brought a lot of good things into my life and given me opportunities to do things in charity that I'm so grateful for.
So, I don't think I'll be going back to Facebook, but who knows? I definitely have some people that are advising me right now and helping represent me so I can figure out what's the best move. I want to do this right, I want to do this right for Roberto, for me and just make the best of this blessing that we've been given to I guess just do good in the world and I want to do more of that.
Translation: "Where am I going to wear all my new free dresses? To my entry-level job at Facebook? Hell no. I'm a glamorous philanthropist full-time now, like Brooke Astor or Camille Grammer or some shit."
So, what did you learn going in this relationship with Ali that you're going to take to your next relationship?
Chris L.: I think I just learned to be open and to kind of just try to give as much as you can in a relationship.
Translation: "I learned that it would be better if I were handsomer, preferably a former athlete. Also, I should be suspiciously comfortable with writing generic love poems over showing genuine emotion to a girl I'm dating."
So, the big question is would you want to be the next Bachelor if you were given the opportunity?
Chris L.: Honestly, it's something that I'll have to think long and hard about because it was hard watching, you know, so much of my personal life and intimate details of like dating and love on TV. It's hard to share that kind of thing with many millions of people who watch the show. It's definitely something that I'll have to really, really think about. I'm not really sure if I want to share all that again.
Translation: "I think my poor dead mother's memory has been abused enough on national television, thanks."
Your translations? General finale reactions? Leave them below, and then check out our list of this season's finest moments!
Check out five reasons why Chris should be the next Bachelor.
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