In a surprising move the other day, Chris Lambton, this season's final dumpee on The Bachelorette, turned down the offer to become the next Bachelor. We're pretty relieved because now we won't have to hear about how his dead mother is guiding his choice to find true love ad nauseam. Also, we might not be totally bored to tears. Since the show seems hell-bent on picking through their recycled wannabes instead of going after some fresh personalities, we've scanned through the recent couple of seasons to see who might actually make the next season of The Bachelor watchable. Well, more watchable than Jake, at the very least.
10. Kiptyn Locke
He's your prototype Bachelor: he's conventionally handsome, girls seem to swoon in his presence, he seems well-mannered and put-together and there doesn't seem to be any edge to him whatsoever. We can already see him sitting next to Chris Harrison chummily discussing the perfect Stepford wife.
9. Frank Neuschaefer
Sure, he wouldn't show up for the finale of his season. Sure, he's supposedly found true love with his ex-girlfriend. But given the median length of any Bachelor-related relationship, he should be single shortly and then desperate to get 15 more minutes of fame by trying to demonstrate that he's not just the jerk that made Ali cry. And in the big twist ending, he can decide not to propose to anyone and go back to his ex-girlfriend again.
8. Tanner Pope
His 25 lovely ladies will be selected solely based on their footwear. In fact, when the limo rolls up, The Bachelorette's favorite food fetishist can dole out roses based solely on their shoes, nail polish and general appeal. He'll be kissing feet and giving out foot massages in no time.
7. Justin "Rated R" Rego
We're worried about the plant life in foreign countries by suggesting him, as he does seem to have a blatant disregard for vegetation, especially when he's trying to storm away. But this could be a chance for him to redeem himself, and he's already got plenty of experience with dating multiple women, so having a host of women throw themselves at him should be no problem. But can we make sure Jessie Suldis is around to call him out on any questionable behavior?
6. Reid Rosenthal
Last we knew, he was dating some sort of pageant chick, but we'd love to see this semi-nerdy fella back on TV. Not only do we like his unconventional choice in footwear, but he's also very approachable and the girls would probably just eat him up. It would be the closest to Beauty and the Geek that we'll ever get on this show.
5. Wes Hayden
Would he be there for the right reasons? Probably not, but does that really matter on this show? The subtitle writes itself: The Bachelor: Love Don't Come Easy. Also, on Bachelor Pad so far, Wes somehow doesn't seem as hateful anymore... or maybe he just looks less scummy in comparison to Rated R.
4. Kasey Kahl
He'd fall in love instantly with all 25 girls. Then he'll get an entire sleeve of tattoos where he can show each and every girl how much he wants to guard and protect their hearts. And he'll probably have the decency to at least leave his eliminated ladies in a comfortable place - i.e. not on a frozen glacier.
3. Jesse Kovacs
Its not so much that we think that Jesse has any more personality than Kiptyn or any of those other bland, chiseled fellas, it's that we want to save him from crazy Elizabeth. We've got a feeling that she'll somehow manipulate and stalk him on Bachelor Pad's reunion cruises and though the pages of Us Weekly magazine for years to come.
2. Ed Swiderski
Admittedly, we just put him on the list to see how the show would deal with the fantasy suite situation. If he had erectile dysfunction issues with Jillian, just imagine the trouble he'll have with back-to-back ladies.
1. Craig McKinnon
The cheesiest contestant ever on what is basically the cheesiest show ever? That's pretty much perfect. And if the Weatherman could somehow act as his adviser and they could just bicker all the time, we'd love it even more. Basically, it would be the Odd Couple version of The Bachelor, with some girls thrown in to keep up the pretense that this is a "dating" show.
Who would you like to see be the new Bachelor? Let us know below!
What are the ten saddest reality shows on TV? Find out.
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