I've got a young kid, so the TV often stays stuck on the Disney Channel, which means I've suffered through more episodes of iCarly and The Suite Life of Zach and Cody than I care to remember, but even those shows are better than Hellcats. And I never felt bad for Tisdale on Suite Life (or even in the third High School Musical) like I do here. She's the best thing about Hellcats, and possibly the only reason to actually tune in, ever, to this weak Bring It On clone. She does her best to embody the über-perky, cheer-obsessed spirit that Kirstin Dunst had in the first film, but due to the lame dialogue, she often just comes off as a vacant, oblivious cheer captain.

But still, she's still better than the show's "lead," Michalka, who is pretty much a horrible and unconvincing actress. By comparison, Eliza Dushku turned in an Oscar-worthy performance for playing basically the same role in Bring It On. And that's keeping in mind that Dushku, while undeniably attractive, doesn't exactly have the most versatile acting range in the world. The only time that Michalka is remotely believable is when she has scenes with Lewis (Robbie Jones), a fellow cheerleader who has a bit of a crush on her. Their flirting is actually somewhat endearing, but I think that's because he's so charming, judging by the fact that her scenes with her townie best friend Dan (Matt Barr) are so irksome by comparison.

It's not just the acting that's bad here. Having watched the pilto twice (the things I do for my job), there are so many things that don't make sense, and it's just frustrating to watch. I'd honestly rather sit through a marathon of the first season of the new 90210 again, because that show at least occasionally attempts to follow some linear train of thought. Hellcats contradicts itself several times in the pilot alone. Marti doesn't know what a step out is, but did gymnastics up until high school? Was she in one of those Lost sort of accidents like Sun, where she hit her head and doesn't know the words but her muscle memory still works?

Pilots of new shows are supposed to falsely lure us in by being good, but considering that this premiere just follows the formula of a movie I not-so-secretly adore, it's amazing how bad so much of it is. Not to mention the amount of talent it wastes -- not only Tisdale, but also O'Grady (who is stuck as the drunk mom), Aaron Douglas (formerly of Battlestar Galactica, now playing an afterthought athletic director-type) and D.B. Woodside (who was once president of the United States on 24 and is now Sharon Leal's boyfriend). They're all grossly underused on this show, and it's really depressing. I can only hope that they give them more to do in subsequent episodes, but I'm not sure that I have the strength to watch another hour of this painful show to find out.

Find out which shows we actually think are worthy of your time with our complete fall preview and viewing guide.

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