Fox has captured Alcatraz, the new show that re-teams J.J. Abrams with fellow former Lost creators and will investigate mysteries and secrets on the famous island prison. Among the mysteries: Why can't the inhabitants leave? Who are the men guarding them? And why are they all wearing matching jumpsuits?

ABC will be the home of the new Darren Star dramedy that adapts the book Good Christian Bitches, and has been called a Dallas-based Desperate Housewives. Jeez, are they gonna have one of those in every city now? Catty housewives are everywhere!

Former Real World, Big Brother, I Love New York and Flavor of Love cast members will appear on a new Playboy TV show called Foursome, in which they bring new meaning to the word "showmance" and make Big Brother After Dark look like Yo Gabba Gabba.

Following in the steps of timely movie-to-TV adaptations Parenthood and True Lies, there will also be a new show based on The Prince of Tides, although it will supposedly stay closer to the book. Yes, and so will next year's yet-to-be-announced TV show based on Bonfire of the Vanities.

Hulk Hogan will body-slam justice -- and, hopefully, children -- in a new kids' game show called Hogan's Court. The show, in which Hogan makes rulings between bickering siblings, sounds more like People's Court but we're hoping the kids then get in the ring with trashcans and ladders to settle things properly.

In news that can only be described as "awesome," the fantasy-documentary series Deadliest Warrior will be made into a movie. Considering that the show mainly consists of pitting historical soldiers of different fighting styles against each other, we're assuming the movie will be more of the same, with whatever plot element is required to have a group of ninjas come into direct combat with a legion of Roman centurions.

In rapid-fire casting news, the following people have been cast in one-time or recurring guest roles this fall: Victor Garber and French Stewart on Stargate: Universe; Norm MacDonald as Mike's brother on The Middle; Lou Diamond Phillips on the Jamie-Lynn Sigler cop show; Dylan Baker on Burn Notice; John Larroquette on CSI N.Y.; and Matthew Lillard, Amy Irving, Jennifer Grey, Dylan Baker (again) and Candice Bergen (as Cuddy's mom) on House Phew! Not making a guest appearance? The original Dr. Frank N. Furter on Glee's Rocky Horror episode. What, now Tim Curry has standards?

In dystopic future news, a new competition show called Bridalplasty will pit brides-to-be against each other to win plastic surgery procedures. It's official, we're living in Brazil.

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