While we're of course interested in what happens to Chuck Bass, what the fallout is from the Grey's Anatomy shooter and what Mama Bartowski's story is on Chuck, what we're really looking forward to this fall is what reality TV has in store for us -- or at least what we hope it does. Here are the moments that we wish will come true in the coming months:
10. Seeing Gordon Ramsay pass out during dinner service from exhaustion on Hell's Kitchen
Look, the guy has about 15 Fox shows airing simultaneously, not to mention the fact that he still has shows in the UK and, oh yeah, those restaurants that he owns. We predict that somewhere around October, Ramsay cracks and falls head first into some risotto after yelling half-heartedly at someone for not cooking it properly.
9. Seeing who namedrops the most on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
This season was filmed before Camille and Kelsey Grammer split, so we're guessing that she'll feel the need to mention her famous husband ad nauseum, but will it be more often than Kyle or Kim Richards, who are the aunts of Paris Hilton, mention their infamous relation? And how many times will Kim casually drop into conversation that she was a child star? Given that this show is all about self-promotion, the fame game will likely play a major part.
8. Finding out if Tony Danza's teaching style is more like Mr. Cooper or Mr. Kotter
Tony Danza has gone back to school for his new reality series, and while we applaud that he's getting a show for doing something other than exposing his love life on TV, we're mostly curious to see if he'll play basketball with the kids or let a bunch of them randomly come to his house, talk back to him and interfere in his personal life.
7. Seeing if one of the older folks on Survivor breaks a hip.
The way that they are hyping this season, you'd think that the older players were straight out of a senior center, when in fact most are in their 40s, not their 90s. Still, after a certain age, the bones do start to deteriorate if you aren't taking Boniva. We learned that from Sally Field.
6. Watching the sister wives turn on their new addition on Sister Wives
We're pretty excited to see Sister Wives in general, but the early plotline apparently centers around the ladies meeting their husband's latest addition to the clan. We can only hope they turn on her and really go wild.
5. Seeing if that QVC host who gets hit with a watermelon on The Amazing Race recovers from her concussion
Earlier this week, footage of the new season of TAR was leaked and it looks brutal. We saw a watermelon-slinging game that really, really backfires on a player who gets hit full-force in the face with a melon. She seems to recover quickly, but we're sure that there will be some lingering consequences.
4. When an employee finally uses Google to look up a new employee and realizes it is a bigwig on Undercover Boss
These executives don't really disguise themselves all that well, and while they may take down their photos from internal sites, once something's on the open Web, it's hard to get remove. If you have a suspiciously dopey new co-worker who asks a lot of questions about who is in charge and how productive you are, we recommend looking them up on Facebook before you get duped like an idiot on national TV.
3. Seeing Bob finally crack because he can't stand that Jillian is more successful than him on The Biggest Loser
They already had to reformat the show to have Bob and Jill work in teams so that she wouldn't continue to beat him constantly. And now Jillian has her own show, lines of products, commercials, books and whatnot. Bob has some side stuff going on, too, but he's not quite the presence (for better or worse) that Jillian is, so we're expecting a meltdown/hissyfit/jealous rage any season now.
2. Watching Jeff Probst fawn all over Jimmy Johnson.
Now that Russell isn't around for him to devote all his attention to, Probst is going to need someone to focus on and that will likely be the show's first bona fide celebrity. Jeff will probably start hyperbolically calling the former NFL coach the best player of all time. Or a legend among us. God forbid Jimmy actually wins a challenge -- Probst's head will explode.
1. Watching Audrina try to cry when she gets kicked out first on Dancing With the Stars
She has no acting range and she's always seemed very stiff to us, so we can't even imagine her dancing. And we're not sure what kind of fan base she amassed as the most boring member of The Hills, so she should be off DWTS quickly. Normally tears would ensue, but her face doesn't seem capable of showing expression, so we're interested to see how she fakes it for live TV.
See what Jimmy Johnson had to say about being a Survivor castaway.
Watch TWoP's editors discuss this fall's best returning TV shows in this segment airing on the New York Nonstop cable news channel:
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