Despite a surprisingly (and perhaps less than sincerely) conciliatory end to the otherwise contentious two-part RHONJ reunion, Bravo confirmed last night that Danielle Staub will not be returning to the show for its third season. "The reunion was Danielle's last appearance," Andy Cohen told BravoTV.com. "We thought the hugs were a great way to end two seasons of bitterness between the women."
While that's no doubt a relief to the rest of the cast, as viewers, we're worried that without Danielle, the show will be boring. Heck, we're still reeling because we lost Dina this season. Without Danielle, that just leaves us with Caroline, Teresa and Jacqueline. That's a pretty slim and motley crew, and the drama level might be practically non-existent. We don't watch these shows to see people have family dinners together. We watch for the table-flipping and to see the claws come out. Without Danielle, the Manzo/Guidice families actually seem to get along, so the action will just be all about them spending money and dealing with their self-inflicted phony problems. Who needs that? Not us. Here are the reasons we think a season without Danielle will bore us to tears:
Who will expose family secrets?
Without Danielle there to stir the pot, how will we ever know anything about why Dina left the show or that Teresa has a mysterious "nephew"? There are definitely some skeletons in the Manzo/Guidice family closets and Danielle seems to have the dirt on them and knows exactly what buttons to push to get the ladies to spin into fits of rage. And let's face it, someone needs to call Teresa out on the fact that she's got money issues and that there's something sad about the fact that she dresses her children like mini-versions of herself instead of in age-appropriate outfits.
What will become of Danielle's daughters?
On the one hand, fading into obscurity and not having to watch their mother embarrass herself on national television might be the best thing to ever happen to Danielle's kids. On the other hand, Christine landing a modeling job or Jillian getting a music deal might be their only avenue to get away from their mother. This show is nothing if not free promotion.
What will Ashley do with her life?
The annoying teen's entire life seemed to center around getting into fighting matches with Danielle. She may be a brat to her own mother, but she's not going to pull out Jacqueline's hair or start posting nasty things about her on Facebook. And there's nothing we as viewers want to see less than Ashley rebelling against her parents by dating and missing curfew. Yawn.
Will we have to see more of Albie's law school quest?
They are going to have to fill an hour somehow, and since they already spent a lot of time this season padding out the show with Albie's futile quest to become a lawyer, we imagine that his shattered dream will become even more of a centerpiece. Even Chris' ridiculous car wash/strip club obsession is more entertaining (and more likely to come to fruition).
Will the Kims get promoted?
You can't just have a show about three housewives and since they really pushed hard to make Kim G. and Kim D. into major personalities these season, it seems somewhat inevitable that one or both of them will land a coveted spot in the opening credits in Danielle's absence (based on the second part of the reunion, we're guessing G.). We can barely look at the melting harpy that is Kim G. and Kim D. seems more focused on real business than the fake reality TV kind. Neither of these ladies are good options... unless they have a secret stripper past, have been arrested or have had a book written about their wild exploits.
What will Jacqueline do with her life?
Jacqueline has always been the most boring of the Jersey personalities, and while she tells Ashley not to get all caught up in Danielle's drama, her screaming at her frenemy is all she's got going for her. Otherwise she's totally and completely dull. At least Dina had Grandma Wrinkles and could make entertaining comments. Jacqueline isn't funny and is just a self-involved bore, as evidenced by the scene where she played with her iPhone for like twenty minutes in the car this year. That's time we just can't get back.
Does that mean no more Danny?
Danielle is pretty over-the-top on her own, but this year she added her own personal entourage and the least threatening looking bodyguard ever in the form of Danny. He talks big and has managed to survive as Danielle's sounding board, but he's a weird dude. We feel like we've just seen the tip of the iceberg with this guy and that there's a whole lot more crazy that we wish would've surfaced.
Are we going to have to watch more vacations?
Let's watch people we don't really like go argue, complain about costs and look like idiots while discussing other cultures. That sounds like fun. Actually, we'd rather poke a sharp stick straight into our eyes than see Teresa and Joe and their daughters on another ridiculously expensive vacation. Caroline would be fine, but this isn't The Amazing Race and unless Caroline and Albert put on matching shirts and hang out with Phil, we don't want to see it.
How will we survive not knowing what is happening in Danielle's life?
She just started to get interesting and, like a train wreck, we can't stop looking away as she becomes a terrifying Dina Lohan clone to her children, creates "music" with her possible girlfriend and brings random legal charges against everyone she meets. And how will we know when she is able to finally get her square boob issue repaired? She's a nightmare, but she makes for fascinating TV and reading about her in Page Six once in a while just isn't going to cut it.
Do you love to hate Danielle too? Will you miss her presence on RHONJ or are you glad to see her go? Sound off below.
Look back at the ten most memorable moments from the second season of RHONJ here:
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