Embroiled in yet another disappointing fall season, with both new and old shows performing abysmally in the ratings, NBC has taken a unique approach to repairing its situation, and is really knocking it out of the park with terrible new show ideas right now. There's that Munsters remake. And that Survivor/Bachelor hybrid. And that show about Kristin Davis Eat, Pray, Love-ing through NYC. All bad ideas that no one will watch, sure, but today they topped themselves and announced the king of bad ideas -- Tommy's Little Girl, a show Jamie Foxx came up with about Selma Blair playing a lawyer by day, deadly assassin by night, co-starring Paulie Walnuts, described as La Femme Nikita meets The Sopranos. I mean, honestly. I couldn't come up with a more risible idea for a show if I tried, which is why I'm imploring NBC to make this trainwreck happen.
It just sounds like the most awesomely bad show in the history of the world. Like if someone mixed V.I.P. with Legally Blonde with Jersey Shore and then made it stupider. It would be Hellcats with guns. It would be Hellcats with Paulie Walnuts. If NBC is looking for a new brand identity, stealing The CW's "Destination for Stupid" is as good as any, and if we're keeping The Event and Undercovers around long-term then we're already well on our way, 30 Rock and Community notwithstanding. But let's go over all the supporting guilty pleasure evidence step by step here, shall we?
-- This is the plot synopsis: "Based on Foxx's idea, [Tommy's Little] Girl centers on a young girl (Blair) raised in a mafia family who is hidden away in an orphanage after her family is murdered by a competing mafia crime boss. She grows up to become an attorney by day, and a deadly, well trained killer by night, as she avenges her family's murder and attempts to locate her last living relative." That is hilarious. Besides the obvious things, who taught her to be a well-trained killer? The orphanage? Because last I checked, the mob wasn't exactly CIA-slick and tidy with their killings. Ditto for law schools.
-- This show came from the mind of Jamie Foxx, who not only co-wrote and co-directed the trailer used to sell the show to NBC, but will be staying on as an executive producer of the show, should it ever come to air. Foxx, as you know, is the auteur behind LaWanda, "Blame It (On the Alcohol)" and wearing fedoras at awards shows only slightly more embarrassingly than Justin Timberlake. Hiring Tim Kring again would have been less regrettable.
-- It stars Selma Blair, who shouldn't have even been a series lead in Kath & Kim, let alone an action series about assassin attorneys in the mafia (what?!). I can't even decide what's going to be more laughable -- her reciting legal jargon in a convincing way, her trying to convey "vengeance," or her doing Nikita-style kung fu on Paul Sorvino (oh yeah -- Paul Sorvino is attached to this mess too). No matter what, I need all of it.
I also hope this show happens for the added bonus that its potential success could launch similarly absurd outings, and lord knows we need more of those. Pierce Brosnan executive produces Tara Reid as a railroad conductor by day, Pai Gow dealer by night, who must team up with her spirit animal (Ziggy Sobotka from The Wire) to avenge the great caboose abuse of 1798, or whatever. Crap like that. It might be stupid, but at least it's not boring. You know you'd rather watch that than Chase.
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