More Celebrity Apprentice casting news leaked today, and I can see why they held it, because it is hilarious. Crunk Juice purveyor Lil' Jon will be in the mix, as will Kenny Powers himself, Jose Canseco, and noted tax evader Richard Hatch. Nice job, NBC. I couldn't have come up with a grosser lineup (especially when you take into consideration that Star Jones is also attached) in a mean-spirited blog post I might have written solely to make fun of how ridiculous you are. It's nice when the networks outdo me.

ABC is letting Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke direct a pilot adaptation of Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet. Sure, that's a universal story that's been reinterpreted many different ways successfully over the years. Might work! Except that it's going to be set in Renaissance-era Verona. On ABC. Did they have upper middle class cul-de-sacs in Renaissance-era Verona? Because I'm worried ABC might have approved this thinking they did.

Because Shonda Rhimes didn't traumatize us all enough with that (surprisingly great) Grey's mass-murder finale last season, Private Practice will be devoting two episodes this fall to the brutal rape of one of their doctors. And it gets worse: the rapist is Xander from Buffy. I am not joking. I'm too horrified by this entire news story to even formulate one snarky thing to say about it, so let's move on.

E! is getting in the Real Housewives game with Married to Rock, a docuseries about a bunch of craggy former rock stars' old ladies. Perry Farrell's hilarious wife Etty Farrell will be on the show (of course), but the rest of the women aren't famous yet. Hopefully that means they were cast for their crazy.

The CW is developing a show with universally liked famous guy Samuel L. Jackson, about an amateur detective who believes he's a descendant of Sherlock Holmes, and CBS is developing a show with other universally liked famous guy Craig Ferguson about a single woman supporting her extended family. Good thing those people are universally liked famous guys, 'cause otherwise I would not have paid any attention to either one at this point.

Because they want to cancel a bunch of their new shows, ABC is bringing in a special January edition of Wipeout for next year, with winter-themed versions of people breaking their necks for laughs. Again: Why do networks bother with scripted programming anymore?

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