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Yes, there are even more of these Real Housewives creatures now. Luckily, the Beverly Hills ladies do seem different enough from the Orange County ones to not seem completely superfluous, but, you know, all of these women are exactly the same in a lot of ways, no matter where they're from. As I always do, I'm sure I'll get more excited about this installment as the season goes on -- the fighting's not fun until you feel like you know them, and that takes a few episodes -- but for now, let's just go over our brand-new, hideously shallow and pathetically materialistic Real Housewives of Beverly Hills as we know them now.
Taylor
Taylor reminds me a lot of Lynn Curtin, and that's not great. She has the most surgically altered appearance out of her entire cast, and her sole storyline in the premiere was that she constantly butchers her body so her asshole husband won't leave her for a 20-year-old. And I bet by the second or third season, he will. Like Lynn, she doesn't seem to have much else to her than clinging to youth and suffering from crippling insecurity. She just made me sad, and that's no fun.
Lisa
I think we can all agree that Lisa is clearly the best one, right? She's a dead ringer for the smut novelist mother from Troop Beverly Hills, her house looks like a Russian madam's, and she's extremely quotable. I mean, there were a lot of them, but when Kim was being standoffish at the Kings game Lisa was just like, "Maybe she went back to Witch Mountain." That makes no sense! But it's awesome! I love her already.
Adrienne
The one married to a plastic surgeon, because of course there's one married to a plastic surgeon. Ehh, she didn't make much of an impression on me, but it seems her money is hers and not her husband's. So, that's cool. Her bickering with that husband of hers is going to get old fast, though, Vicki and Donn-style.
Kim
Kim is the other one who is just kind of sad, and not in a fun way. She actually said the words "I was quite famous" when of course she wasn't. And that whole story about how she was walking out of someplace with her niece, Paris Hilton, and someone called Kim an icon and Paris was really impressed? That was the most desperate story I've ever been told. I hate when they try so hard for our approval. And how she keeps having babies clearly because she needs something to love her so badly? Oof. Watching her segments did not feel good.
Kyle
Kyle is Kim's scrappy, dark-haired sister, and she's a powerful force of drunken inappropriateness. She's great casting, and she's even better when she's with Lisa. For example, Kyle: "Here's to hoping my boob doesn't fall out!" Lisa: "Here's to hoping for the opposite!" Aww, these gals! And luckily, Kyle's also quotable on her own. Don't know if you heard it, but here's a real thing she said in the premiere: "I thought I had a stroke, but really it was my fake eyelashes making one eye smaller than the other." Oh, marry me, Kyle!
Camille
She's probably the greatest gold digger of our time, so I suppose that is pretty impressive, but she has a terrible habit of describing her lifestyle and then really poorly pretending to be embarrassed about it, which is just about the worst trait a rich person can have. No one believes you, Camille. You have four nannies because you think you're entitled to it. You fly commercial sometimes only so people don't give you as much crap about your carbon footprint, but you clearly think you deserve to fly private every time. You have 17 acres because you think you require it. Just be upfront about it -- viewers like a brazenly gauche woman on these shows. And what's with the "sexy dancing" all the time? Sexy dancing by herself in a dark studio. Sexy dancing with a Kings mascot. Sexy dancing in the season previews. Club MTV is over, ya weirdo. Dance like a grown-up or don't dance at all.
Though they were out of line for hating Camille for using a surrogate -- what was that even all about? I hate when Real Housewives confuse me.
So that's the premiere! Kind of slow, but a couple of those girls have promise. Which is good, because they better start brawling big time if the beleaguered sixth (sixth!) Real Housewives franchise is going to stay on my must-watch radar.
Your thoughts on the premiere? Leave them in the comments, then see our list of the craziest D.C. moments so far!
Watch a preview of the second episode of RHOBH here:
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Doesn't anyone ever tell these freaks that the surgery and fillers don't make them look younger, just more pitiful? Taylor's mouth was stretched so far she looked like Caesar Romero as the Joker.
"Maybe she went back to Witch Mountain"...Kim Richards was the little girl in the original Witch Mountain movie. Research.
While Kim Richards does seem to be delusional, she is correct in that, for a while at least, she was quite famous. She was "the" girl in the Disney films, the kid Drew Barrymore-esque child star of her day. If you bothered to have knowledge of something that seems to predate you, you'd know that. Is she still famous? Nope. Is her Paris story sad? You betcha. But was she famous at some point? Absolutely. Whether or not you've heard of her. And it's weird that you didn't check that out.
Sheesh, no kidding...do your research. Shame on you considering that it only takes a few keystrokes in the 21st century.
While YOU may not consider it a big deal, Kim Richards was THE child actress of the 70s. I remember that I wanted to be her when I was little. Before she was the Disney sweetheart, Kim was Prudence on 'The Nanny and the Professor' with Juliet Mills and Richard Long...names you may not know either, but nonetheless, big names at one time. Kim Richards was THE child guest star requested for practically every TV show in the 70s.
How old are the people writing TWOP, now? Because I'm 36 and have no problem remembering Kim Richards. No matter how sad she is now, she was a big deal when I was a little girl! And how come no one does any research on here anymore? Or editing for that matter? A few months ago they did something on "Letters to Juliet" wherein they claimed that the star crossed lovers were from Florence! Even if you've never read "Romeo and Juliet" all it takes is a quick Google search to learn that they are from Verona!
Ever since Bravo bought TWOP it's been one quick slide down hill! I miss the happy days of "Mighty Big T.V."!! Come back Wing Chun and Sars!
Also, how about some relevant shows with forums, like, I don't know, BH Housewives??
Yes, I'll admit it - I watch this show. Not because I want to see how the "other half" lives, because I want to feel good about myself when it's over.
My take is this - and it's only my take so if you disagree or agree, that's all good.
LISA- love her! She's classy, family oriented, has a long term marriage and a successful business woman. She has a wicked sense of humor and after only a few episodes I only like her more!
KYLE - Goregeous! A true beauty and though she's admitted to having had botox, thankfully she hasn't gone overboard with it. Please don't! She's family oriented, has a hot hubby and doesn't come off as phony as a lot of the others I've seen on Housewives series. I think she speaks her mind and you can't fault a girl for that.
KIM- Perhaps she may have been a child star but those days are gone. She's far too thin, has enhanced her looks to the point they've suffered and she is obviously suffering from low self esteem. She needs to get out more, enjoy life and learn to live among others!
TAYLOR - Come on, those lips couldn't stretch much further. You look like Daffy Duck's stand in! Spending $50k on a four-year old's birthday party is just wrong in every sense of the word, especially in this economy. Couldn't you find a far more selfless act to spend hubby's money? And by the way - if I had to spend time worried if my unattrative/weird hubby were going to leave me for a 20 year old...I'd pack his bags myself! Talk about insecure love? No marriage will survive that. I predict this marriage will soon follow Kelsey and Camille's.
ADRIENNE - I like her attitude and the fact she can "throw down" a man of any size however it's truly a shame her beauty has been altered in such extreme ways. Can you imagine how she will look at 60? Yikes!
CAMILLE - Yes, then there's Camille. Poor, poor delusional Camille. What planet does she actually reside on? I'm guessing Kelsey actually saw a first season preview and realized what a true nut job he'd married and ran like hell. This is a train wreck most of us will enjoy watching for sure. Her voice, the way she walks, the constant "me, me, me"...just nauseates! She's so busy she needs four nannies, an assistant a house manager etc. She is a disgrace to any/all females! If she lived in the real world, she'd likely curl up in the fetal position and die. Walk a half mile in the shoes of a "normal woman" Camille and you'll begging anyone to put you out of your sad ass misery. Your bubble has already been busted; can't wait to see how quickly you fall back to earth...like a lead balloon.
Bravo should revise Camille's opening intro to be "ENOUGH ABOUT ME, LET'S TALK ABOUT ME."
Time to come out from your husband's shadow? By all means, PLEASE crawl under a rock now! The public can't take much of you.
Someone grab that rock and put Camille out of our misery. Personality-disordered much, Camille?
All of them make me sick - except Lisa. Yes, I watch the show- but I always love myself more after it's over!
I wonder if her medium friend saw Kelsey running around New York with another woman!!And what is going ong with the weird relationship with her "best friend" dude????
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