When news broke last week that Jo Frost, Supernanny extraordinaire, had quit her show so she could go on dates and one day make her own hyperactive brood of kids to rehabilitate, we wondered: who could possibly replace her as the leading TV child therapist? After thinking long and hard on it, the following people are the highly appropriate and extremely qualified candidates we came up with.
Her approach would be based around talking to children like they're adults; not talking down to them, and really involving them in the family's discussions about Brooke Shields' drunk mother and what an bastard Ryan Seacrest is. Once the kid learned the value of gossip, they'd stop throwing tantrums and quietly eavesdrop for the juicy details.
Sure, the kids on Supernanny are usually accustomed to being screamed at and have built up an immunity to it. But are they accustomed to being called a "donut" and having their gummy risotto thrown in the trash? That crap wounds your pride, even if you are a sociopathic toddler.
Gemma Teller (Sons of Anarchy)
What kids really need is structure. And for a middle-aged organized crime matriarch to scare the hell out of them with threats of blackmail and skateboards. Even if they didn't learn how to behave, they would learn the dangers of sweet butts and the value of loyalty in the face of a federal investigation -- now that's parenting.
Arnold Rothstein (Boardwalk Empire)
Frustrated parents would probably be a lot more successful with their unruly children if they had a story about tricking a man into choking to death on a cue ball in their back pocket. We have seen the boogy man, and his name is Arnold Rothstein.
She sets sloppy piles of heroin-addicted sex slaves on the path to righteousness all the time -- think what she could do with ordinary spoiled brats. Little well-behaved kindergarten-aged Rambos who pick up their rooms without being reminded, all of them.
And, yes, of course Sue Sylvester. Har har.
Your ideas? Leave them in the comments!
Check out these suggestions for new gigs for stars fleeing cancelled shows.
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