Our poor, dumb little guilty pleasure show The Event is going on a break until February 28, during which time the show is expected to retool and become something that not only more people will want to watch, but also something that fewer people will want to laugh at. It's got a long way to go to becoming a legit drama (and frankly, we kind of love it as the absurd throwaway that it is right now), but here are my bids for where they should start, at least.
Put Some Actual Thought Into the Timeline Once in a While
Sean can drive between Arizona and Texas within a commercial break. Isabel can shoot herself in the kneecap one night, and then be up and around for high tea the very next morning. Simon and Sean have both dramatically recovered from serious injuries within the span of hours, and yet, a) the Vice President can't, and b) despite all this fastforwarding, we then get an episode in which the U.S. military can't get to a Middle Eastern desert in under two hours. Where is this far-off desert, anyway? The earth's core? Which brings me to...
This is the big one, and honestly, I don't even know where to being. There was the time Leila's kidnappers decided to stage her escape so they could catch her again at the nearby police station they infiltrated so she would call Sean instead of just holding a gun to her head and having her do it right there in that basement. There's the fact that Leila never noticed her own father not aging in 25+ years. There's the issue of Simon being forbidden to start a family for fear that his cul de sac would notice he never aged, when we found out last episode that none of the other aliens want to return home because they love the earthling families they've created so much. There was that whole isotope-in-the-coffee-creamer ridiculousness that didn't add up for a million different reasons, including the insanity of Simon getting away with it all scott-free. And then there's the fact that Hal Holbrook is kidnapping half-alien children and doing experiments on them, yet none of these alien parents are looping in Thomas or Simon for help on this issue? And nobody brought up the traitor who's terrorizing their offspring at the big alien all-hands conference this week? I could list these illogicalities for pages and pages, and we're only on episode 10. I mean, it took 24 at least 16 or 17 episodes to get even half this ridiculous.
We Don't Know Their Motivations
Why did the aliens come here in the first place? If their home planet is such a shithole, why is Sophia so hellbent on going back there? What is Hal Holbrook's problem, anyway? Why isn't he afraid of Sophia, when the rest of the aliens clearly are? Why isn't she kicking his ass for trying to kill her? I still don't see how these two major storylines tie together, if at all. And you know why? Because I don't think the writers do, either.
I've Had Enough of Sean and Leila
I'm good on watching him lead her around like a scared kitten all series for now, thanks. (Except for when she sometimes randomly gets awesome? Like when Sean got shot?) Can they find Sam immediately next episode and just end these junior spy capers? They just serve to detract from what seem to be the real storylines, and I'd much rather see more of the aliens than Leila screaming about finding
But mostly, stop introducing twists just for the sake of introducing twists -- especially when they undermine things that happened directly before them -- and put some damn thought into things. Not a lot, just a little would do. And it would be significantly more thought than you're putting in now.
Your favorite Event ridiculousness? Have some fun with them in the comments! And then see our gallery of why the show is a fine guilty pleasure just the way it is.
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