Bad news for lawbreakers: Chuck Norris is now a real (honorary) Texas Ranger. Someone is getting kicked in the face tonight.

Even though quitting Survivor is essentially treason a violation of contract, says Jeff Probst, precedent forced the show to allow the quitters to join the jury. This is all based on the age-old Law of Reality Television, of course, which also makes it illegal to use immunity idols in public schools.

This just in: Having declared herself a "Gleek," Katie Couric will definitely guest-star on Glee. In other news, Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak is so gonna Slushee her the next time she interviews him.

Steve Carell will continue to work with NBC after he leaves the office, writing another workplace comedy about a post office, based on his own job experience. At least he's sticking with the "jobs related to paper products" theme.

Apparently, while Simon "SiCo" Cowell heads up the U.S. version of The X-Factor, David Hasselhoff may replace him on the U.K. version. This would be shocking, if I hadn't been too busy watching Hasselhoff dressed like Captain Hook.

IFC continues its commitment to great comedy with their new nightly '90s programming block: back-to-back episodes of The Larry Sanders Show, The Ben Stiller Show and Mr. Show with Bob and David. My suggestion for the name of the block: "Your Show of Shows."

Former Gary Unmarried actress Paula Marshall will play Cuddy's sister on an upcoming episode of House. It was the logical next step, after starring in a medical drama (Out of Practice), playing a doctor on a non-medical drama (Cupid) and playing an actress with an unusual medical disorder who plays a doctor on a medical drama within a medical drama (Nip/Tuck).

Reuniting with Daniel Dae Kim for the third time -- they both also have 24 and Lost on their resumes -- Reiko Aylesworth will appear on Hawaii 5-0. You know it's only a matter of time before Hurley shows up...

Finally, Bieber, Katy Perry, Eminem and the Glee gang are all up for Grammy Awards, which means the median age of the viewers watching them on CBS just dropped by about 30 years.