It's nearly Valentine's Day and while we could delight in recalling the romantic TV couples that made us swoon in the past, or list the cute almost-couples we want to have hook up now, we've opted instead to focus on current pairings who just have no business at all being together. Perhaps we've just got cold black hearts, but we'd love to see these folks split up for everyone's sake, especially viewers like us.
10. Patrick and Theresa (Lights Out)
These two have what you would call communication issues. He doesn't tell her that they are massively in debt or that he has pugilistic dementia or that his brother has put him in a predicament with some creepy boxing promoter or that he's generally resentful that she took away his one purpose in life. And she's oblivious to clues like her car getting impounded and her credit card getting declined and instead lets her girls go shopping and makes extremely generous donations to their church. And when a portion of this hidden information leaks out? She kicks Patrick out. Way to talk about your feelings, guys. Also, she has an accent that is constantly changing, so we're thinking there are some secrets hiding in her past.
9. Tina and Mike (Glee)
Sure, they have things in common. They are both in Glee Club. He likes to work on his abs; she likes to stare at them. But that's about where the similarities end. And while opposites attract, something just didn't seem right about her devolving into a pool of wet tears while singing "My Funny Valentine" and then desperately professing her love to him. There are clearly some co-dependency issues here that have yet to be addressed, and it would be nice for them to work that out (perhaps in song) before she has a complete psychotic break and starts boiling bunnies.
8. Margie and Luke (The Amazing Race)
True, they are not a romantically involved couple, but their names are forever intertwined and their genes are linked, so we're including them. They don't have issues with each other as much as with the world around them, always presuming that everyone is out to destroy them or judge them because Luke is deaf. So they go on the defense almost immediately in tag-team fashion and become quite hateful. Together, they are far worse than they'd ever be apart. We're hoping that Zev finds a way to "lose" Margie's passport, so we don't have to deal with them for too long on Amazing Race this spring.
7. Vince and Dana (The Cape)
For starters, she thinks he's dead. And he's not. That's kind of problematic. Also an issue? He's working with a hot chick named Orwell to solve cases and, well, he's shirtless around her and the two of them have amazing chemistry. That doesn't seem to bode well for a happy reunion when he comes back from the dead to surprise his wife. On the plus side, the show will probably be cancelled long before that ever happens.
6. Teddy and Henry (Grey's Anatomy)
It was a remarkably nice thing that Dr. Altman did in marrying Henry jut so that he could get health insurance and not die in, like, a week. We're not denying her gesture. But she really doesn't know a thing about him, what his wishes are, if he really has family and what his hopes and dreams for the future are, and it doesn't seem like he knows all that much about her, either. Marriage made in heaven, right?
5. Gabe and Erin (The Office)
We see why Gabe would like Erin... for five minutes. She's pretty and she's got a positive outlook on life the majority of the time. But he's a fairly intelligent man with a love of horror movies, and she's a dim-witted receptionist who doesn't understand puzzles and/or how to play Scrabble and didn't even know that there was a Shrek 2. (Wait until she finds out there's two more installments after that). It's like dating a puppy and we really can't see why they've lasted this long.
4. Brad and his entire harem (The Bachelor)
Who he will pick is really irrelevant since stories are popping up that he allegedly proposed to someone right before going on the show, not to mention The Bachelor's terrible track record for lasting relationships. Any "engagement" that comes out of this season (be it with Chantal, Shawntel, Emily and her sob story, or Crazy Michelle) is surely doomed.
3. House and Cuddy (House)
How many times have we complained about these two? Far too many to recall. But the powers that be continue to force them to stay together, so now they have relationship stuff to do involving him meeting her mother and ridiculous crap like that. And they have to talk about feelings. God, the last thing we ever wanted to hear about was House's feelings.
2. Ronnie and Sammi (Jersey Shore)
They fight. They make up. They fight. They break up. He makes out with two other girls. She forgives him. She gets jealous. He tells her she's the worst. She's a bitch to everyone around her and a miserable human being. All they do is bicker and quibble and hate each other. We hope that their latest break-up actually sticks because these two are a destructive mess. If they get back together, like grenades, it is only a matter of time before they explode. Again.
1. Aria and Ezra (Pretty Little Liars)
It's actually hard to get past the fact that he's her English teacher and that their relationship is a statutory rape case waiting to happen before we can weigh their relative merits as a couple. But those are kind of big factors to ignore, especially since that whether or not their relationship is a good idea and how they can keep things secret tends to monopolize the majority of their conversations. And the fact that he dresses like a relatively sane person and she dresses like an inmate from an asylum whose first stop was Forever 21, where she put on every single item of clothing and accessory at the same time, makes us question their common ground even more. If Aria was hooking up with Jenny Humphrey, it would make much more sense - and better television.
Watch TWoP's editors discuss TV's worst couples in this segment airing on the New York Nonstop cable channel:
View more videos at: http://www.nbcnewyork.com.
Unlike us, are you a real romantic? Then check out this mashup of TV's most memorable kisses.
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