Larsa
For the first half of the episode, I had Larsa pegged as the second coming of Camille Grammer, what with her ostentatious posturing about how she and Scottie Pippen moved to Ft. Lauderdale solely because other locales simply couldn't accommodate their desire to keep a yacht in their backyard, along with her insistence that she's simply worn out from being a full-time trophy wife and her tick of saying things like "I'm normally good at everything I do" and "I look good in anything." But as the episode went on she kind of seemed sort of... likable? And maybe smart, a little bit? Since she maturely didn't feel like fueling Adriana and Cristy's drunken dance party and she was significantly less catty than Cristy was about Adriana's dumb catwalk stunt (I didn't say I was less catty), combined with the fact that she wisely manages her husband's finances, I'm almost convinced the rest of her stuff was an act for the show. She might actually pull it out and become this show's Adrienne.

Cristy
Cristy is a Cuban-American Miami lifer who is very divorced. She's probably the most divorced of all of these girls, I'd say. Also, she believes in psychics. Other than that, I got nothing but a strong case of the borings coming off of her. I mean, I don't think it's possible for anybody to be as boring as Atlanta's Kandi -- I'm not going that far -- but Cristy was really gunning for her last night. Let's hope that bit in the season trailer about her coming to an event without buying a ticket isn't the most scandalous thing she does all season.

Adriana
Being the bride of Pippen, Larsa was the big casting coup of this show, but Adriana is the one who's ultimately going to just swallow the entire thing and be at the center of every fight. She's a man-crazy mess with a tragic backstory, low self-esteem that manifests itself in strange ways and a swarthy boyfriend who looks like a guy who would steal Ben Stiller's girlfriend in a bad rom-com. Anybody over the age of 22 who says they're "all about having fun" is trouble, and this girl is like the supernova of whatever it is that makes crazy, immature people say that.

Marysol
Well, Marysol wins the Taylor Armstrong award for most grotesque plastic surgery of all the girls, despite insisting she's completely anti-plastic surgery. She seems nice enough, but her mother is such an awesomely drunk Gila monster that Marysol could basically do nothing at all and still be worth having in the cast.

Alexia
I hate -- hate! -- the Housewives who make their boring, spoiled, lazy mumble-mouthed kids the center of their storylines. It's one of the biggest reasons I'll never fully love the New Jersey show, and the number one reason I was thrilled to have Jeana Keough off the O.C. one. Alexia is particularly egregious in this offense, and her finest attempt at humor last night was something like "I don't see myself as a beauty queen, I'm more of a Miss Universe [uproarious laughter at how 'bad' I am!]." That's just embarrassing. Can Lisa Vanderpump parachute in for punch-up this season?

Lea
Lea seems a lot older than the rest of the women, but she could just be less vain and aging more reasonably. I like that she and her husband were brought together by a murder and that her party-hosting plan B is "if all else fails, I just get them drunk," but her Jesus complex about "saving" Adriana during her divorce is what's really going to bring out the crazy in her when Adriana inevitably crosses her in some way. I think Lea's scrappy enough to really throw down, and that Adri's enraging enough to really bring out the worst in her. Can't wait!

The only nagging thing about this cast is that there seems to be no, to use a beaten-to-death phrase for this franchise, "Greek chorus" here. There's no Lisa Vanderpump, Bethenny or Nene to crack wise and keep everyone in check, and that's a huge problem. I mean, an entire reunion with no one bringing up the cruel jokes made in one person's interview segments? Perish the thought.

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