Before Charlie Sheen introduced the concept to us via a series of confusing and ill-advised interviews, we had no way to rate the quality of "winning." But now we know that Sheen apparently is "winning," thanks to his tiger blood (i.e. ferocity), Adonis DNA (i.e. attractiveness), ability to defeat earthworms with words (i.e. articulateness), ability to convert tin cans into gold (i.e. improve shows/films by his mere presence) and "bitchin' life" (i.e. substance abuse, promiscuity, violence or other illegal activity, none of which we condone or endorse). Rating each category on a scale of 1 to 10, we thought we'd determine the "winning" level of some of the biggest, most outrageous celebrities out there. If you, too, can come close to Sheen's winningness (he scores 10s across the board), he may want to party with you. Or follow you on Twitter.
Tiger Blood: 6.5. No couch -- or libelous media outlet -- is safe from this cat's claws.
Adonis DNA: 5.9. Cruise doesn't seem to age as mortals do.
Ability to Defeat Earthworms With Words: 7.2. Don't dare be glib around the Cruise, nor properly research your topic of discussion.
Ability to Convert Tin Cans Into Gold: 6.1. Although it did so-so in the States, the lackluster Knight & Day did big box office overseas.
"Bitchin' Life": 9.0. Supposedly has an alien living inside him.
"Winning" Score: 6.94
Tiger Blood: 4.9. He will eviscerate your singing, but he will remain sitting down while doing it.
Adonis DNA: 4.2. Still rocking the V-neck T-shirts at 51.
Ability to Defeat Earthworms With Words: 8.7. After one of his critiques, you will consider ending it all.
Ability to Convert Tin Cans Into Gold: 9.4. Has become a zillionaire by criticizing talentless people.
"Bitchin' Life": 2.0. Has admitted to using Botox.
"Winning" Score: 5.84
Tiger Blood: 9.2. Fights like a tiger, drives like a tiger with a trunk full of illegal fireworks.
Adonis DNA: 5.3. Former model, still ruggedly handsome, dates supermodels, has believable love scenes with supermodels.
Ability to Defeat Earthworms With Words: 2.2. A man of few words, Statham would rather use his fire-breathing fists.
Ability to Convert Tin Cans Into Gold: 3.4. Not even Statham could get people to see an Uwe Boll film.
"Bitchin' Life": 3.6. Enjoys watching mixed-martial arts matches.
"Winning" Score: 4.74
Tiger Blood: 1.7. Watching Bieber act ferocious is adorable.
Adonis DNA: 7.3. Can make tween-age girls fall in love with him at the drop of a hat.
Ability to Defeat Earthworms With Words: 6.9. His song lyrics aren't Shakespeare, but they certainly get the job done.
Ability to Convert Tin Cans Into Gold: 8.2. Started on YouTube; currently the star of one of the top-grossing documentaries of all time.
"Bitchin' Life": 1.0. Christian. Has his own line of nail varnishes.
"Winning" Score: 5.02
Tiger Blood: 8.7. Old, drunk tigers are the most ferocious of all.
Adonis DNA: 1.3. The last 30 years have not been kind to Martin Riggs.
Ability to Defeat Earthworms With Words: 7.8. If only words could defeat handcuffs.
Ability to Convert Tin Cans Into Gold: 3.3. His big comeback in Edge of Darkness was a massive failure.
"Bitchin' Life": 9.0. Drinks. Drives. Threatens to bury girlfriend under rose bush.
"Winning" Score: 6.02
Tiger Blood: 3.2. His hair is the most ferocious thing about him.
Adonis DNA: 6.4. Our grandmoms and little sisters seem to like his look.
Ability to Defeat Earthworms With Words: 2.2. Defeats more people with his eyes.
Ability to Convert Tin Cans Into Gold: 5.1. Not even R-Pattz could get people to see Remember Me.
"Bitchin' Life": 4.0. Was rumored to have a drinking problem, but never confirmed.
"Winning" Score: 4.18
Tiger Blood: 5.2. Will fight frivolous lawsuits tooth and nail, and leave a hit TV show on a whim.
Adonis DNA: 4.4. Has aged much better than Charlie Sheen.
Ability to Defeat Earthworms With Words: 6.3. It helps when you speak really fast, and your words are penned by Aaron Sorkin.
Ability to Convert Tin Cans Into Gold: 3.9. The Lyon's Den and Dr. Vegas would beg to differ.
"Bitchin' Life": 9.0. Near-constant infidelity, accusations of nanny impropriety and at least one sex tape with an underage girl.
"Winning" Score: 5.76
Ronnie from Jersey Shore
Tiger Blood: 8.2. Post-break-up, will trash a bedroom within an inch of its life.
Adonis DNA: 5.6. A fine specimen of the gorilla-juicehead variety.
Ability to Defeat Earthworms With Words: 0.0. Says nothing, unless goaded into being verbally abusive.
Ability to Convert Tin Cans Into Gold: 4.9. Is currently one of the highest-paid T-shirt store employees in America.
"Bitchin' Life": 7.0. Once punched a guy in the back of the head. May yet do time.
"Winning" Score: 5.14
Tiger Blood: 3.7. Willing to take on any hot-button topic... with her laid-back comedy stylings.
Adonis DNA: 4.1. Bears a passing resemblance to Elizabeth Banks. Still enough to earn her a Playboy spread.
Ability to Defeat Earthworms With Words: 6.9. Has two #1 books, and the perfect comeback, usually filthy, to any statement.
Ability to Convert Tin Cans Into Gold: 7.1. Turned a talk show with a little person into a media empire.
"Bitchin' Life": 5.5. Has one DUI, briefly dated 50 Cent.
"Winning" Score: 5.46
Tiger Blood: 2.0. Has lost all remaining ferocity since splitting with Rebecca Romijn.
Adonis DNA: 7.3. For three episodes, was sexiest character on Glee.
Ability to Defeat Earthworms With Words: 7.2. For three episodes, was one of the best singers on Glee.
Ability to Convert Tin Cans Into Gold: 8.4. Still receiving royalties from Full House.
"Bitchin' Life": 1.4. Was roastmaster for Bob Saget.
"Winning" Score: 5.26
See more "winning" celebrity tallies here!
Check out Charlie Sheen quotes as spoken by crazy movie characters.
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!
MOST RECENT POSTS
Warning: file(http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?app=core&module=global§ion=rss&type=forums&id=101) [function.file]: failed to open stream: HTTP request failed! in /var/www/mte41/mt41-blogs.televisionwithoutpity.com/telefile/2011/03/charlie-sheens-celebrity-winni.php on line 488
Warning: implode() [function.implode]: Invalid arguments passed in /var/www/mte41/mt41-blogs.televisionwithoutpity.com/telefile/2011/03/charlie-sheens-celebrity-winni.php on line 488
Warning: DOMDocument::loadXML() [function.DOMDocument-loadXML]: Empty string supplied as input in /var/www/mte41/mt41-blogs.televisionwithoutpity.com/telefile/2011/03/charlie-sheens-celebrity-winni.php on line 490