BLOGS

The Telefile
Why Stop With Charlie Sheen? We Suggest New Showrunners for <i>Two and a Half Men</i>

Before CBS officially fired Charlie Sheen this week, there had been some talk that maybe Chuck Lorre could step away from day-to-day production of Two and a Half Men as a way of keeping the peace if Charlie were to come back. We here at TWoP still think the idea of getting rid of Lorre is pretty good, even if Sheen is already gone, and we have some suggestions about who should replace both of them.

Removing Lorre as showrunner would give Men and its fans a chance to remember Charlie Sheen for those eight years he turned tin cans to gold, while making sure that, by the time the new season starts, everything about Sheen's crazy behavior will be so deep in the show's Wikipedia article that no one bothers to vandalize it. Besides, Men is going on nine years now, and, honestly, Lorre has been scratching the sides of the idea barrel since the middle of the second season. A new showrunner would have fresh ideas and be more willing to change things up, by doing things like actually making an effort to realize that the Half-Man can almost be rounded up at this point. This shake-up would also probably force some of the show's characters away from only ever making creepy vaguely misogynistic jokes toward actually acting something like real people, causing any of us who had written off the show before to take note.

Joss Whedon
It would be surprising how close Whedon would follow the show's original formula, at first. He would bring in his old Buffy/Angel cast member Alexis Denisof to replace Charlie as a character very similar to Denisof's on How I Met Your Mother (but not bald). However, as the show went on, we would find out that Denisof has actually been sent to protect the Half-Man from the government, who wants to use his hidden superpowers for evil.

David Simon
Malibu isn't all jingle writing and loose women. There is a dark and gritty side to it all that the men find out about as they try to help former dealer Andre "Bubbles" Royo clean up and fight the system after the loss of his biggest client, Charlie, causes him to fall on hard times.

Seth MacFarlane
Playing the long-lost other brother of the men, MacFarlane would spend the whole episode remembering the '80s. All of his stories would be complete with cuts to Sheen's old movies with MacFarlane and Jon Cryer edited in.

Aaron Sorkin
Sorkin could easily cast Bradley Whitford as Charlie's former writing partner who split off from Charlie because he wanted to be taken more seriously. We should then all be prepared for discussions of class relations with the housekeeper.

Dan Harmon
Seeing that the show isn't self-aware enough, Harmon would slowly allow the remaining men to begin to see how constructed their world is. Cast Dino Stamatopoulos (a.k.a. Star-burns) as the Half-Man's new music instructor who seems oddly okay with the way the world is falling apart and suddenly the most awesome absurdist drama is complete.

Shonda Rhimes
Bringing in Rhimes would turn the show around a full 180 degrees. Now the lead, played by Jason George, would spend each episode looking for that one special love while trying to gain perspective and strength from his character failings. The Half-Man would also be forced to suffer numerous exotic illnesses, including one that keeps him from ever being able to grow up.

Ryan Murphy
Murphy would mix things up by casting Leslie Grossman, Mary Cherry on Popular, to be the second "man." Murphy would be proud to point to her sleeping around and general Charlie-like behavior as some kind of moral statement for all the kids who watch the show.

J.J. Abrams
Suddenly, everyone would have daddy issues, and Greg Grunberg would be cast so he would quit asking Abrams for a part in the next Star Trek movie.

Kevin Williamson
Williamson would move the show to The CW (where his soul is bound) and cast James Van Der Beek as a womanizer who just can't seem to find the one. Also, he can see ghosts.

Who do you think should take over the show or replace Sheen? Let us know what you think below.

What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

MOST RECENT POSTS

BLOG ARCHIVES

The Telefile

March 2014

25 ENTRIES

February 2014

24 ENTRIES

January 2014

43 ENTRIES

December 2013

15 ENTRIES

November 2013

28 ENTRIES

October 2013

40 ENTRIES

September 2013

37 ENTRIES

August 2013

16 ENTRIES

July 2013

15 ENTRIES

June 2013

26 ENTRIES

May 2013

38 ENTRIES

April 2013

43 ENTRIES

March 2013

35 ENTRIES

February 2013

58 ENTRIES

January 2013

62 ENTRIES

December 2012

48 ENTRIES

November 2012

60 ENTRIES

October 2012

71 ENTRIES

September 2012

67 ENTRIES

August 2012

66 ENTRIES

July 2012

51 ENTRIES

June 2012

60 ENTRIES

May 2012

70 ENTRIES

April 2012

73 ENTRIES

March 2012

72 ENTRIES

February 2012

64 ENTRIES

January 2012

80 ENTRIES

The Latest Activity On TwOP