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Mob Wives: An Offer You Can Definitely Refuse

They could've called this The Real Housewives of Staten Island, but despite all appearances to a similar franchise on another network, this is VH1, and I guess Mob Wives is a catchier title. Then again, Renee Graziano (clearly the star of this hot mess) tries to deny the existence of the mob, but then speaks at length about the code of the "underworld" and how her father always got her gifts that fell off the back of a truck. There's some careful parsing of language here, but besides that and learning about hating "rats," the first episode didn't have a lot to offer.

The show begins with three women who all live on the Isle of Staten and rule like Mafia princesses should: having spray tanners to come to their house, shopping for high-end furs and getting their nails done. They grew up together with a fourth women, but her father, a charming underboss by the name of Sammy the Bull, snitched on the mob and took down the Gambino crime family. The daughter was ostracized and has been living in Arizona for a decade because the other bitches won't be her friends any more. But then she comes back and that's the impetus for this show. Some of the ladies are more accepting than others, and if the previews are to be believed, there is some hair-pulling to be had. It's not table flipping, but maybe that's being saved to surprise us.

Karen Graveno is the gal trying to move back to Staten Island. Her reasoning isn't just to stir shit up, but instead to work on her book about her life growing up in the mob. She leaves her daughter in Arizona with some other family members... just in case Staten Island isn't safe. She's been living in Phoenix and regaling the ladies there with wild tales of bad behavior, and you can tell that they all get a thrill from her gangster stories. But she was forced to move because of her dad's actions and even she admits that she was confused by his tattle-tale ways. Also, she makes me sad because she said her dad was her best friend and now says her 11-year-old is her best friend. She sounds lonely.

Back on Statan Island, Carla's soon-to-be ex husband Joseph is currently in jail, or "away" as this show likes to call it, for charges of stock fraud. She doesn't tell her twins that their dad is in jail, and instead just tells them that he's away for work. For years. She is tediously boring to watch.

Drita D'Avanzo's got some potential. Her husband is locked up for robbing a bank, but calls nearly every day so that he can put in his order for cold cuts. I was going to make a crude joke about fresh meat in prison, but you can fill in the blanks yourself. She likes going to visit her husband because it's like social hour, since everyone she knows is there saying hi to a loved one in prison. She's also a boxer and likes to fight any bitch that crosses her. And she is a makeup artist in her spare time. Perhaps she's good at covering up black eyes after she doles them out? Her bank-robbing husband is also Karen's ex, but they're over that and she seems to be the most welcoming of Karen back into the fold as far as the whole holding-the-sins-of-the-father-against-the-child thing goes.

The same can not be said for the most awesome Renee Graziano. Her father told her she'd be cut off if she talked to the daughter of the snitch, and there's no way that she is willing to lose her (allegedly illegal) income. Her father Anthony is currently in prison, and she's the single mom to a 16-year-old. She is very into the whole Mafia scene and only likes to date guys that are somehow involved and have been to jail. During a dinner, Carla and Drita tell her she should join Match.com and then started brainstorming her profile. It was the highlight of the episode. I would definitely watch a show called Who Wants to Date a Mafia Princess? But that, unfortunately, is not this series.

The premiere episode left off with Renee and Karen finally coming face to face at Carla's birthday party. It looked like sparks were about to fly and I sure hope they do in the second week, because otherwise this show will be pretty boring and generic. Hardly a tune-in offer we can't refuse.

If this show takes off, will VH1 tackle Serial Killer Wives next? Find out in this is exclusive TWoP video:

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8 Comments

June 1, 2011 1:15 AM
LYNDAMILITO
Reply

cry karen like sammy made all the children cry he didnt care why should we , i dont. ill enjoy it. you beklong back in arizona out of sight out of mine sammy shot louie twicw in the head everyone of his friend told me mario warned me abouut him he was slating to kill my kids.....told by mario and eleanor....so cry karen cry....you are just like him they say like father like daughter you could have stopped it why louis and deena what did they do to you you are

June 1, 2011 12:15 PM
mike viggiano
Reply

Karen you're a moron. Renee you married a Puerto Rican (enough said) Drid- your husband is a thug who probably beats your ass in if you dont suck him off. as for Carla. Your husband got greedy and you're pating for it. Or shall I say getting paid for it. Will you guys donate your money to the families your husbands robbed from... except Junior- he just sold some weed....He's alright. You're all a bunch of gold digging tramps///

June 11, 2011 5:43 PM
Lyzcatcat
Reply

Blood money shame on you you women will go to hell like the criminals you help gisgusting.

September 9, 2011 1:18 PM
fishers
Reply

es comprendido De dos maneras como esto
http://www.shampes.com/

carley

February 28, 2012 10:19 PM
Elizabeth
Reply

In the fight at the party. I have watched this over and over. I think Ramona and Karen are all big talk. Just like the snitch her father is. The only reason they got to hit DRita was because she was being held down. That's yellow to attack someone two at a time and while she is being held down. Ramona & Karen are all talk. They to scarred to meet drita. Karen shut up you are a punk like your father.

February 28, 2012 10:22 PM
Elizabeth
Reply

I just watched the fight in slow motion. Thats yellow how Drita was attached by two women & while she was being held down. Chicken Shit.

May 15, 2012 1:14 AM
Irina
Reply

Alan moved seamlessly from cmotepitor, to official, chairman of the Racing Committee and ultimately Chairman of British Water Ski. In that latter capacity I worked closely with him for 4 years and I can say honestly that his commitment and business brain helped move the Federation forward a great deal. He was a joy to deal with and even some of the most difficult problems were solved in a positive and harmonious way. He was a truly great man, successful in business, successful within water skiing and such great fun. His Jethro impersonations will stay with me for ever, as will his long term sparring with (the also much missed) Reg King and Matthew Northover (or Luke Southunder as he was known to us)! I think Alan probably made me laugh more than any other person I have ever met. It is with dread that I realise we shall never see him again. It makes me glad that I was able to have a good chat with him earlier in his illness, but saddened that he has gone from our lives much too soon. Royston joins me in passing on our sincere sympathy to all those who will miss him most Jeremy, Jane and family. Our thoughts and prayers are with them all.

May 17, 2012 3:59 AM
Lucas
Reply

Oh, and don't forget your shot glass. It's more fun to doecrate with a buzz. LOL! And are they called spachulaers? Have I been saying it incorrect all these years? Anyway, This is a very informative video. I'm just being silly.

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