After the recent lackluster Comedy Awards on Comedy Central, I thought I needed a break before the TV Land Awards air Sunday. But as I was watching RuPaul's Drag Race, I saw footage from the red carpet at the NewNowNext Awards and just couldn't help checking it out. And I'm glad I did, because while the actual awards part was entirely pointless (it wasn't like they were handing out Oscars, after all), the telecast was filled with over-the-top insanity and so many things I personally adore. Plus, 30 Rock and Lady Antebellum didn't win anything! Oh, and did I mention that this whole thing came in under an hour and a half? Or that James Van Der Beek was the host? Yeah, it had it all. Here are the highlights:
Backstreet Girls/New Queens on the Block
It was a terrible parody, of course, of the upcoming NKOTBSB tour that will be hitting the nation this summer, but it was filled with alums from this season of Drag Race. The choreography was a mess, but my girl Shangela was working it out! And to top it off, we saw Joey McIntyre in the audience seemingly leaning over to ask Jonathan Knight if they were all guys dressed in drag.
Carmen Carrera Showcasing Her Banging Body
I was so rooting for Jersey girl Carmen to take home the top prize on Drag Race because she's just got the sickest body in the world. So it made sense that she was the trophy girl for the evening's festivities. While she did keep her clothes on, at least there were plenty over wardrobe changes over the course of the night.
The Music Was Rocking
Instead of the Black Eyed Peas or Diddy Dirty Money or someone else that we'd have seen a million times on Idol, we got performances from Panic! At the Disco (which was great, aside from Kara DioGuardi and Pete Wentz talking about them like they were super underground), Oh Land, Wynter Gordon and Guest DJ Neon Hitch. The headliner of the night was Robyn, who was wearing a ridiculous quilted lime green jacket, but made it all better with a kickin' dance beat. The entire audience was up and into it, like it was one big old party.
The Presenters Were Gung Ho
Real Housewives stars Gretchen Rossi and Lisa VanderPump played around with Giggy. Aubrey O'Day and Kim Coles gave a girl smooch. The Beekman Boys were fashion coordinated and happy to be off the farm. Sara Rue and Ross Matthews were fangirls about reality shows and Busy Phillips playfully fought with Shangela (and Dawson) over a killer pair of sparkly shoes. Comedienne Lisa Lampenelli, known for her cutting wit at the Comedy Central roasts, skewered the show ("Where am I? Anderson Cooper's rumpus room?") and, in particular, Carrie Fisher, who was up for an award for her tweeting habit. "For you young people, Carrie used to be a movie star a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Carrie's followers are gay men and Star Wars fans... two groups that never get pussy."
James Van Der Beek Poked Fun At Himself... A Lot
The host for the night went under a little pre-taped Queer Eye of sorts where he ended up on RuPaul's Drag U learning how to walk in eight-inch heels and how to sass a catchphrase (making fun of his famed Varsity Blues quote in the process), then got a wardrobe makeover from Johnny Weir (it involved Dawson in bondage gear) while Perez Hilton advised him on the ways of pop culture. Then he was carried out on stage in an egg, Gaga style, wearing a shiny suit and a jaunty scarf. He also had his Twitter "fans" write his opening monologue, which included introducing himself as James Van Der Douche, saying ""WTF am I doing here? Is this the 2001 NewNowNext awards?" and joking about his forehead. He also did some relaxing, with Carrie Fisher as his motivational whisperer and drag queens giving him all kinds of massages. The reality confessional bit didn't quite work, but at least it was quick.
The Winners Were Off the Beaten Path
Instead of the typical award winners, NKOTBSB won for Best New Indulgence (beating out Angry Birds), Bridesmaids won for must-see movie (like that's going to win anything else but Razzies) and the Cause You're Hot Award went to True Blood's Joe Mangiello, who rightly thanked his trainer and manscaper. Most addictive reality star went to Tabatha (for her salon takeoves) and she looked fantastic in the outfit Sandy wore at the end of Grease. Darren Criss (who accepted via remote) won the Brink of Fame actor award and Oh Land was endearingly delighted to win the brink of fame music awards. Lady Gaga was given this show's version of a lifetime achievement award, and Pretty Little Liars took home the TV You Betta Watch award, with Keegan Allen and Torrey DeVito on hand. The best acceptance speech came from Carrie Fisher, who was thrilled because "I only get awards for being mentally ill." She then thanked her fans and stalkers by telling them, "my D-cups runneth over." Princess Leia, everybody.
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