The Real Housewives of New York is back! By all accounts, this is the best one of this franchise, but it's currently in a state of transition without Bethenny. And it definitely was weird to not have her there last night, but the good news is that Alex has lost her damn mind, so it's not like we'll be without an instigator this season. And how nice is it to have a Real Housewives that knows what the hell it's doing? Last night's premiere had more entertainment value than the entire series of The Real Housewives of Miami and more conflict than the over-long, 18-episode boringfest that was The Real Housewives of Atlanta last season. So Bethenny or no, welcome back, New York ladies. In light of the events of last night's premiere, let's run down the current states of each of these crazy winos.
With Bethenny gone, Alex is seizing the opportunity and inserting herself into all the drama gaps she left in her wake. Fighting with Jill already? Over nothing in particular? Check. Sidling up to Ramona early so they can have a huge falling out in time for the finale? Check. Starting shit with LuAnn that results in the Countess remarking on her "Herman Munster shoes" (amazing) in the season trailer? Check. I'm sure she'll end up fighting with everyone at some point, like Bethenny always did. The difference is that Bethenny was a pro at this stuff and Alex is a painfully inelegant amateur. Oh, and it goes without saying that the modeling crap is ridiculous.
Nice to see Jill is still doing that thing where she's a saint in her talking heads and the same old catty bitch in reality, never aware of the disconnect between what she says and what she does. She just had to be nosy and insulting about Cindy's fertility and she just had to take Alex's weird confrontation to that "Alex is at a party that's so above her station" awful place. Though she did have a point about Alex and Ramona wearing white to that wedding. Even Sonja would have bitch-slapped them for that, and Sonja's a (slutty) saint.
In just one episode, she terrified the young women of the nation's workforce, stuck her finger in someone's wedding cake like an unruly toddler, obliviously talked shit about someone who was within earshot, facilitated not one, but two awkward confrontations between Alex and Jill and had something ridiculous catty to say about Jill in her talking head before we even got started -- yep, she's still the greatest Housewife of all time. There is no denying this.
She can't fool me with her lucid moments of craftily calling Alex ugly and saying "Alex and Simon will come to the opening of an envelope." Those were great lines, but the real Kelly still came out of the woodwork a few times. Jill: "I feel like I'll be in a metal can for 17 hours." Kelly: "What's the metal can?" Aww, there's our girl.
LuAnn has landed herself a comical French boyfriend and seems to be very happy now. I'll be ignoring LuAnn entirely until she starts remarking on people's "Herman Munster shoes," thank you.
Sonja doesn't fight. When everyone else is fighting she just giggles, jokes about how her top could fall off at any moment and orders more champagne. She basically dates everybody else's feuds' hunky younger brother, and she's a nice break from the drama without being boring. She's the anti- Kandi Burruss, basically, and that's why I still love her, even though her cougar shtick is admittedly getting a little old.
This Cindy Person:
Obviously, she's trash, so this is quite promising. She describes herself as "edgy" and "rock 'n roll" -- no adult describes themselves this way -- and she exhibited notes of Rock of Love when Ramona pissed her off at that wedding. Let's hope she's a reality TV watcher and knows what's expected of her. We don't want another Lynne Curtin situation here.
Your thoughts on the premiere? Tell us below!
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