- The bride's brother must give her body a thorough once-over before the wedding. Hey, you can't let a stranger do it -- that would be creepy. A scalding hot bath afterwards is not required, but it is recommended.

- Acceptable gifts for the royal couple include jewels, dragon eggs (petrified or otherwise), horse jerky and sex manuals. The Beckhams have already indicated on the registry that they will be giving a box of snakes.

- If anyone sees the bride in her wedding dress before the ceremony, they will be pushed out of a tower window. No exceptions.

- Only the Queen is allowed to ask the bride if she's had her period yet. Also, Dame Helen Mirren, since she is the official Hand of the Queen.

- Guests will be divided into the bride's side of the family and the groom's side of the family. Bastards must sit between Sir Elton John and Simon Cowell.

- A large wolf will protect the bride during the ceremony, mauling anyone who makes an attempt on her life, as well as any unauthorized paparazzi.

- Fight-dancing will be performed with musical accompaniment by Sir Paul McCartney, and the wedding will not be deemed a success unless there are at least three disembowelments.

- The honeymoon will be spent on a pile of rocks, with a view of the water but no shelter to speak of.

- As payment for his new bride, William will lead an army to re-conquer her homelands -- in this case, the small village of Chapel Row -- and install his brother-in-law as king. Fair's fair.

- Thank-you notes will not be sent, because there is no word in their language for "thank you."

What else should the royals take from Game of Thrones? Let us know below, then see the Westeros reality shows we want to see!

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