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The CW recently announced that we'll be treated an all-star season of America's Next Top Model next fall. That's right, they're bringing all the really crazy bitches back. Well, contestant-wise, anyway -- we sadly doubt that Janice or Paulina will be included in the festivities. Anyway, this is a fantastic idea, although some of the enjoyable personalities from earlier seasons might be a bit long in the tooth to viably compete for the completely useless title of "All-Star Top Model" (the show started in 2003, after all). Here's our wish-list of who we hope they'll cast:
Adrianne Curry - Cycle 1:
While she's a senior citizen by modeling standards, we'd like the original winner to stop banking on Brady Bunch bucks and get back in the modeling biz. And because someone will probably punch her for talking so much about her famous-ish husband.
Elyse Sewell - Cycle 1:
We're curious to see if she's super-thin, but also curious to hear her take down other people in the confessional. We miss people that pull absolutely no punches and who rail against people who pray.
Ann Markley - Cycle 3:
Look, she destroyed brownies with a knife in order to prove a point. If she's willing to destroy delicious brownies, who knows what else she might do?
Tiffany Richardson - Cycle 4:
She's the only person more obsessed with her weave than Tyra, and the outspoken gal was one of the few nervy contestants to ever tell Miss Banks that she was unhappy with her ouster, causing Tyra to lose her shit. We can only hope and pray that we'll get to see Tiff vs. Tyra, round 2.
Lisa D'Amato - Cycle 5:
Where else are you going to find a contestant willing to pee in an adult diaper?
Jade Rodan - Cycle 6:
Our made-up vocabulary has been lacking since she's been gone. Even Tyra can't compete. We really need her to "dwelve" into this season.
Isis King - Cycle 11:
She was the show's first transgender contestant and got ousted because she had some trouble tucking underwater. Maybe she can go to RuPaul's Drag U before the season starts.
Marjorie Conrad - Cycle 11:
She was part of the group va-jay-jay shaving bath, and she also turned into a drunken lush when she ended up drinking in Holland. She'll be the life of the party.
Natalie Parker - Cycle 12:
It takes a strong girl to turn the others into her personal slaves. We can only imagine how Tiffany would take to that.
Laura Kirkpatrick - Cycle 13:
From the season of the shorty, she was just adorable and sweet and we'd love to see her rock it, not to mention listen to her charming Southern accent some more. And, unlike the winner of her season, she doesn't have a bloody eyeball.
Angelea Preston - Cycle 14:
The girl slept in the Port Authority bus terminal, for goodness sakes. She wants this. For that alone she should get yet another chance. And because we need some more hot Buffalo dance moves to add to our repertoire.
Naduah Rugley - Cycle 14:
If for no other reason than to get her away from the odd cult she was born into. She really needs saving.
Alexandra Underwood - Cycle 14:
To see if lightning -- or pendulums -- can strike twice for this fiercely real girl.
Alexandria Everett - Cycle 16
:
She's a stone cold bitch, and you really can't have a Top Model all-star season without one.
Who would you like to see back? Sound off below.
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I would love to see Melrose, Natasha, Joanie, and Heather back.
Wow. No Raina on that list? No Shandi? Or Analeigh? No Jaclyn (from this current cycle)? I know more of the Diva types are needed for Drama, but at least a few real contenders who got shafted should be on too.
Adrianne's inclusion on an AS season has between 0 and zero % of happening. She hates Tyra and Tyra has returned the favor to the extent that Adrianne's image isn't included in the credit-montage of past winners (they start with Yoanna).
And I'm sorry but if Melrose is not part of an AS season, that would be an unforgivable omission. Whether they're going by talent or drama produced, she's one of the greatest contestants in ANTM history.
I'm team Analeigh, man. Unless she's off doing a movie, I need more time with Cycle 11's sweetheart. Besides, she and Marjorie are kind of a team.
I'd also love to see Shandi Sullivan. Love me some Evil Shandi.
As long as they leave Catie Anderson at home, though, I'm probably going to be satisfied.
They should include Alison, the GINORMOUS EYED girl who was the runner up for her season, she was hilarious and so insanely interesting-looking.
Tyra yelled at me because she was upset that I wasn't taking my elimination seriously, not because I talked back to her.
Natasha would be funny to have back. And Kim Stolz (the lesbian!) too! And of course Kacey.
I can't remember who pretty much any of those hamsters are.
Alison Harvard though (big eyed girl of awesome). She was robbed. She should have won instead of whatsherface (really can't remember). Also, the cycle the most forgettable fatty to ever compete and win to prove a point should be rectified with a Lauren Utter.
Could we just have a blonde bitch season? Melrose, Alexandria, Renee, Jenah, Jade, etc.
JADE!!!! How could it possibly be an all-star season without the Beautiful Bi-Racial Butterfly & Undiscovered Supermodel?
I like a lot of these picks, but I would definitely add Shandi (You had sex?!?!), Cycle 7's twins, Cycle 8's Brit-t, Cycle 9's Heather and Alison of the ginormous eyes who totally should've beaten the alien queen in cycle 12.
The entire concept is pointless, since the ones who are successful models wouldn't touch this show with a ten foot pole. Ann has better things to do with her time, like getting real jobs.
The show will certainly be comprised of all the busted, deluded, old bitches who never had a chance at modeling in the first place, like Domanique and Thalia.
Ann is busy rocking the covers of numerous One Hanes Place catalogs with a giant bra and a sneer.
I find it interesting that after years of pounding it into viewers' heads that models become elderly and unemployable past age 25, they're doing an "all-star" cycle. I do agree that ALT and Jade need to meet on my television ASAP, though.
the wonderful Annaleigh (still the best I've seen on the show), Raina and Allison, all of whom were completely screwed out of winning when they were CLEARLY the best of their cycles.
If they put a low rent piece of human garbage like Angelea on there again, I'd put my foot rhough the TV. Raina singlehandedly saved that season from "Americas Next Piece of Ghetto Trash". save that stuff for Bad Girls Club.
of course, if I'm gonna kiss her butt, it would be better if I spelled Analeigh's name right. Sorry dear.
What about Toccara and Dominique C10? :))
Jade made the best reality TV I had ever seen back then. Even still, I don't think anyone has come close to her insanity - not the Jersey Shore people, not the Project Runway contestants, just...wow.
Oh, nostalgia
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