TGIF, everybody! It's time to sort through all the human trash that was on reality TV this week and crown a king of the garbage heap. The following are my five nominees, plus this week's big winner. As always, this stuff is extremely scientific and cannot be argued with. Congratulations, top jerk!
Lynn Patridge, Audrina
I don't know if it's the bowling alley four-packs-a-day-since-I-was-12 smoker voice, the constant word slurring or the fact that she seems to openly hate Casey, one of her own children, but Lynn Patridge just emits trashiness like a beacon. She's the best thing about her boring daughter's unnecessary show, but that doesn't change the fact that she's a total nightmare.
Phillip, Survivor: Redemption Island
It may have just been some failed attempt at bizarre gameplay or something on Phillip's part, but come on, Special Agent. Steve wasn't being racist by calling you crazy. He was being accurate.
Laurieann Gibson, The Dance Scene
Why must she be so mean to our beloved Kherington? Why? And how is it within the purview of an assistant choreographer's job to buy Laurieann Gibson new weaves (last week) and wash her dogs (this week)? And why does she think silver underwear is appropriate daywear? She's almost as bad as Phillip in the panties-as-outerwear department.
Bethenny, Bethenny Ever After
I love Bethenny and I still think she has some valid points about Jason's parents being overly involved in their busy lives, but girl needs to re-laaaax sometimes. A malfunctioning oven is disappointing on Thanksgiving, but it's not an excuse to have a psychotic meltdown and start snapping at everyone who can still stand your high-strung ass. Sometimes I feel like we should be wearing "Free Julie!" buttons in these instances.
Gretchen, The Real Housewives of Orange County
These people. Last week, Donald Trump forced me to have sympathy regarding Mark McGrath (unacceptable), and this week, Gretchen Rossi forced me to feel bad for Slade. Slade Smiley, quite possibly the most disgusting person in Real Housewives history. It's unbelievable. But her constant berating of him about his weight in public and at home (not that it would be OK if he was, but he's not exactly obese here) was kind of exceptionally mean, even for Gretchen, who is one of the biggest bitches on that show. Then she yelled at him for asking her to stop, all "How dare you make me feel bad for being relentlessly cruel to you!" She was really in rare form this week. Excess fat just brings out the Tamra in her, I guess.
Phillip. Falsely accusing someone of racism is serious stuff! Give back the feather.
Your thoughts? Alternate nominees? Hopes for next week? Leave them all in the comments.
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