Corey (Audrina)
He is a possessive, controlling boyfriend who doesn't understand that Audrina has a job and/or a life, such as it is. He sent her 86 text messages in the span of a few hours - and she probably can't even read, so that's especially cruel. He basically wants her to sit at home and wait for him to be around, which would make this show even more tediously boring. Clearly, he hates us, so we hate him right back.

Bentley (The Bachelorette)
The man claims he would rather "swim in pee" than plan a wedding with Ashley. Yeah, he's a real charmer. He talked at length to the cameras about how he'd let Ash do all manner of censored things to him, but while with her, he pretended to be a sweet single father who was torn up about sticking around. Then he did the cornball thing of putting her on his lap and making out with her, and then telling the world that she was a boring kisser. She probably is, but why not just go home instead of griping about it? This show is enough of a farce as it is.

Brittany Starr (So You Think You Can Dance)
We're not sure what exactly she was trying to say, but she claimed that she was the daughter of Ringo Starr -- not the one from the Beatles, but another guy who likes to dress up like Sgt. Pepper and sold his name to that famous Ringo. Er, we think? And then she may have said something about being Lady Gaga's twin. She was a total waste of time, obviously couldn't dance at all and then exploited her goofy and likely demented father by putting him on TV.

John Jacobson (America's Got Talent)
John is better known as Double Dream Hands (he's a music teacher whose lame moves made him a minor internet sensation). He must realize that he's the butt of everyone's jokes, so going on this show and purporting to have talent was just a way to extend his five minutes of fame. It was annoying that he pretended to be shocked when he was told how awful he was. The producers also deserve a nod here, for giving into his delusions of grandeur and letting him have so much screen time.

Paris Hilton (The World According to Paris)
We didn't think we could find new reasons to hate her, but it turns out that after watching this pointless show, we can. The socialite calls herself busy, but is exhausted after pretending to paint for two hours. She lives like a slob. She is holier than thou about her assistant who writes scripts for porn movies (as if owing much of your fame to a sex tape is much more honorable). And that annoying baby voice? She turns it on and off in order to get out of trouble with her boyfriend. We'd die happy if we never heard her patented whine again.

Winner:
While Paris is like nails on a chalkboard and Brittany marred an otherwise great episode of SYTYCD, we've got to give this one to Bentley. On the one hand, we appreciate his honesty and the fact that he's good television; on the other hand, he's a douche that we want to punch in the face. And today, our violent tendencies win out.

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