Hey everybody, welcome to the very first officially summer edition of heinous reality star bashing! This week runs the gamut from misogynists to terrible mothers to drunks (the most reliable nominees in the world) to crazy ladies scaring me with dolls. Let's get right into it: five nominees; one most horrible winner.
Josh Duggar, 19 Kids and Counting
In addition to his creepy gushing about how he just loooooves birthing classes and the fact that he made his eight-months pregnant wife go on a Duggar cross-country book tour in a damn bus, he also got bored during her lengthy -- and painful -- labor at home and decided to take a nap while his mother and sisters stayed up to deliver Anna's baby on a toilet. (Speaking of, how would you like your husband to insist that your mother-in-law deliver your baby? Nice thought, isn't it?) And TLC would still have you believe they are the romance of the century.
Phyllis is a doll hoarder. Her house is full of nothing but thousands of terrifying dollar store dolls, which is already upsetting enough for me (seriously, I'd rather take my chances with the feces and expired food hoarder houses), but to make matters even worse, if that's possible, Phyllis has designated one of the rooms in her house to be the "doll hospital," where she spends her days and nights dismembering "sick" dolls and Frankenstein-ing new dolls with all of their parts. Which means those doll carcasses are not only disturbing to look at, they're probably also pissed. That is the stuff of horror movies.
Yolanda, 16 & Pregnant
This week's teen father had a particularly dysfunctional family, headed by his mother Yolanda, a drug addict prone to fits of boundless rage. She told her son she wished she had aborted him, and then tried to fight his pregnant girlfriend, shouting, quote, "I'll fuck her up; I don't care if she's pregnant!" So: she's both mother and person of the year.
Adam and Ty, The Challenge: Rivals
Ty for being an egregiously obnoxious ass to everyone in his path, and Adam for resorting to violence to shut him up, and accidentally annihilating Mandi in the process. Though to be honest, Ty was so irritating that if the Mandi collateral damage hadn't happened, I'd have probably let Adam slide for smacking him.
Kris Jenner, Keeping Up With the Kardashians
Kris is always awful, but she gets double points this week. First, for that whole ridiculous incident involving her thinking that she's entitled to a key to Scott and Kourtney's house so she can barge in unannounced every day like some walking monster-in-law cliché. And second, for pushing yet a fourth daughter (Kendall, who is only 15) into show business clearly against her will. Kim may have taken Kendall on that New York modeling trip, but Kris arranged it and has been managing -- and forcing -- the poor girl's "career." Is no Kardashian/Jenner child allowed to pursue a non-show business path? The answer seems to be no, and that's all Kris's doing.
Yolanda. As much as I hate dolls and Josh Smuggar, even they are not as heinous as someone who tries to beat down a pregnant child.
On that happy note, have an awesome weekend, everybody!
See TWoP's editors discuss their picks for this summer's best reality competitors in this segment airing on the New York Nonstop news channel:
View more videos at: http://www.nbcnewyork.com.
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