Oh man. I needed earplugs for this one. Just so much screaming and everyone talking over each other. The look of horror on Neil Patrick Harris' face during Watch What Happens Live really spoke volumes about the insanity that unfolded during this hour and a half of vocal adrenaline. Because of all the screaming, it's hard to take anyone's side on anything... and perhaps after my RHONY-induced migraine subsides, I'll be able to process who is right and who is just trying to get more screentime. But for now, here are the superlatives and all-around most insane moments of the night.
Highlight of the Night
Jill calling Alex a fucking bitch straight to her face. Could I get the uncensored version of that as my ringtone?
The Don't Speak Until Spoken To Award
This goes to Cindy, who basically sat like a lump until Andy addressed her specifically. Then she kept waiting for a break in the yelling (like that was ever going to happen). She did get her yell on, but then immediately resumed sitting quietly on the couch like a well-trained housewife.
Whatever Your Hair Color, You're Still Horrible
The whole Team Brunette vs. Team Blonde thing is ridiculous, complete with the women even splitting into couches accordingly. Particularly when it turned into team vs. team squabbling. Why would Alex forgive Sonja but still hate Jill or the Countess? Because of peroxide? That's ridiculous.
Someone Doesn't Understand the Point of Reunions
"I'm not going to scream like an animal, like they all do." - Cindy.
Someone Thinks This Is a Competitive Eye-Rolling Competition
I counted no fewer than five actual full eye-rolls and at least that many eyebrow lifts, and twice as many bugged out eyes... all done by Alex. I'm worried that she's going to need an optician to put them back in her head.
Runner-Up for Quote of the Night
"Would you wear a dead man's suit at a wedding?" - Ramona Singer, everybody.
Quote of the Night
"Sonja, was your vagina rude to Kelly?" - Andy Cohen. Genius.
Apparently Sonja's toilet had been clogged for two weeks before she decided to call a plumber. Her excuse? She was waiting for it to soften. Man, the look of horror on Jill's face was priceless as Sonja explained how she stuck her hand in the toilet (after two weeks!) to retrieve a blackberry.
Panting Or Laughing? You Make the Call
Alex got in some sort of "witty" retort to a remark that Kelly made, and was so proud of how she jumped in with her comment that she started panting because she was either frustrated, or like hyperventilating with laughter at just how clever she is. And she wonders why people worry about her.
A Magazine Says It, So It Must Be True
I love Kelly and appreciate that she genuinely believes that she's a nice person. But she should have known that if she told the other girls that she was picked as one of the five nicest celebrities by Cosmopolitan that these hyenas were going to run all over that.
TMI, Part 2
How many times exactly do we have to hear about Ramona getting her period and why that gives her a youthful glow? I don't need to know exactly how frequently she menstruates, and I still don't understand why she had to pee on a stick on a boat.
Andy Finally Cracks
After hosting dozens of these, it was really only a matter of time. He basically just had to scream "Shut Up" repeatedly. Usually he laughs it off, even when he's in the middle of a wrestling match, but here he just seemed to want to go home. The extended version he showed on the after-show further demonstrated his utter impatience with these ladies. We feel his pain.
Check out this bonus footage from the reunion:
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