When Ryan Murphy revealed to The Hollywood Reporter yesterday that Rachel, Finn and Kurt would not be returning to Glee in Season Four because he wanted to keep the show realistic, we had to do a double-take (err, double-read, I guess) . "You can keep them on the show for six years and people will criticize you for not being realistic," he said, "or you can be really true to life and say when they started the show they were very clearly sophomores and they should graduate at the end of their senior year." In any other context, we might applaud this sentiment, but in this case, it's just plain delusional. Glee could claim to be many things that we'd let slide, but realistic? Glee hasn't been realistic since day one -- in fact, part of why it was so unintentionally funny (and now just consistently frustrating) is because of how unrealistic it was. For example, here are ten utterly unbelievable things that have taken place on Glee -- but keep in mind, this is just a small sampling.
10. The "Umbrella/Singing in the Rain" Number
Budget has always been the main problem plaguing the Glee Club -- it's why Sue Sylvester wants to take them down, it's why they can always barely afford transportation to competitions and it's why Principal Figgins spent the first two seasons threatening to put an end to the club. But guess what they do have enough money for? Matching trench coats, umbrellas and the sudden appearance of a rain machine in the auditorium. That's right, pouring rain for the sake of a number no one will see. Which means they also had the money to take care of the damage likely done to the stage. (They must have made more from that pot brownie bake sale than we thought.)
9. No Parents at Performances
The only parents we really know of are Burt Hummel, Kurt's dad, and his wife Carole, who is Finn's mom. Neither is ever seen at competitions, even though they have two sons in Glee Club. Remember "A Night of Neglect," when the Glee kids couldn't get anyone to come to their benefit? Where were all of their parents? As far as we know, Rachel has two gay dads that are very supportive of her ambitions (there's a stage in her basement), but we've yet to see them show up. Quinn and her mother reconciled when Quinn had her baby, but we haven't seen her since. And every single other Glee Club member somehow does not have parents that we know of.
8. Sue Sylvester Still Has a Job
Remember when she blackmailed Figgins? Made Coach Beiste dog poop cookies? Tried to shoot Brittany out of a cannon? Sue (much like Will Schuster, for other reasons) would be fired after any one of these offenses, but she somehow still has a job and is still terrorizing students and teachers alike. No matter how well her cheer team does, Sue staying at McKinley is one of the most unrealistic development on all of recent TV.
7. Unprepared for Nationals
Not even Mr. Schue would let his Glee kids leave for New York without at least one song prepared. Even more unrealistic: the fact that a bunch of high school kids could write songs like "Light Up the World" and "Pretending" in a matter of hours in their hotel rooms (while they weren't as good as "Loser Like Me," they were still professional-quality tunes). While we're sure there are young, talented songwriters out there, there's just no way this could ever happen. (Side note: the girls' dresses at Nationals were Betsey Johnson -- totally affordable! -- and not one parent showed up.)
6. Terri the School Nurse
Terri quite literally showed up one day and just decided she was McKinley's nurse. Not only is this completely illegal -- she had absolutely no health training -- she also just fed the kids pseudoephedrine to keep them "alert" and suffered no consequences for it. We're pretty sure this would mean jail time in the real world. Another unrealistic Terri storyline: faking her pregnancy for months on end (and Will taking so long to realize). She's got a visible baby bump and he has yet to touch it or even look at it? Alrighty, then...
5. Finn Magically Knocks Up Quinn
Speaking of pregnancy, Finn believing he could impregnate Quinn without having sex with her was entirely unrealistic. Finn is stupid, but he's not that stupid. No one is. There's enough middle and high school sex education classes for him to know that getting pregnant from kissing in a hot tub is not possible. Especially when you keep have bathing suits on. (Yep, they both did, and Finn still believed he got Quinn pregnant. And Ryan Murphy thinks the actor's age is the unrealistic part?)
4. Dr. Feelgood
While John Stamos' stint as Emma's dentist hubby was awesome, his willingness to nitrous oxide-up his patients was as unrealistic as it gets. There's absolutely nothing wrong with Santana's teeth, but she asked for a cleaning so he can put her under -- and he obliged. (We won't even get into Brittany and Santana meeting up in each other's anesthesia-induced fantasies to enact the same Britney Spears music video.)
3. Those Sets!
Another budget complaint: the Rocky Horror Picture Show's the elaborate set (a working elevator), costumes (the girls' maids costume was literally identical to the movie's) and props (where did Carl get a motorcycle?). The Glee club can't afford a ramp for Artie's wheelchair to get him on the bus to Sectionals, but they can meticulously recreate Rocky Horror on stage?
2. Kurt's clothing
Kurt's dad Burt is a mechanic, but Kurt somehow manages to afford Alexander McQueen sweaters and Marc Jacobs blazers -- designer clothing -- for his daily outfits. Is there a fashion charity out there in Ohio?
1. No "Memory"
And finally, perhaps the most egregiously unrealistic moment: Rachel, a musical theater expert extraordinaire and worshipper of all things Barbra and Patti, DID NOT KNOW that Cats had ended its Broadway run eleven years ago. Just. Not. Possible.
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