TLC
Host: Sister Wives' Kody Brown, as he's had plenty of experience juggling (and conjuring in) craziness.
Setting Decor: A flashy stage inside of a hospital room, with the floor covered in garbage and piles of wedding dresses.
Gimmick: Kids' Pick, where all of the children born/showcased this week choose their favorite piece of news.
First Guest: Kat Von D for a live tattooing segment on someone obsessed with Jesse James.

CBS
Host: Julie Chen.
Setting Decor: Les Moonves' house.
Gimmick: What's Julie's Take?, where Julie talks about everything from herself to... well, that's pretty much it, actually.
First Guest: No one, they'd just waste precious airtime.

VH1
Host: Dr. Drew Pinsky.
Setting Decor: A blinged-out psychiatrist's office.
Gimmick: Celebrity Loveline, where the doc gives unsolicited advice to a star going through relationship trouble.
First Guest: Renee Graziano to tell us all about Season Two of Mob Wives. Yes, we would absolutely watch this.

The CW
Host: Tyra Banks.
Setting Decor: A dimly-lit high school classroom decorated with antique one-armed fainting couches.
Gimmick: The 411 -- extremely exclusive celebrity news delivered by a call-in from Kristen Bell.
First Guests: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Maggie Q and Rachel Bilson, because then someone will tune in, right?

FX
Host: Kurt Sutter.
Setting Decor: A garage that doubles as the headquarters of an outlaw biker gang.
Gimmick: Rival of the Week, where Sutter highlights the best celebrity feuds and discusses who should set who on fire.
First Guest: Mrs. Sutter herself, Katey Sagal.

A&E
Host: Gene Simmons.
Setting Decor: Also a garage, but this one's just mostly filled with crappy old furniture and dead cats.
Gimmick: Whatever it is, it'll be KISS branded and end in the word "Wars," we'll tell ya that much.
First Guest: Barry Weiss, who will be doing a rare glove giveaway.

Spike
Host: Adam Carrolla, assuming his schedule isn't packed, as usual.
Setting Decor: The quintessential man cave, complete with empty beer cans scattered about.
Gimmick:In each episode, two random MMA fighters will have UFC death matches mid-show.
First Guest: That month's Maxim cover model. Bikini-clad and well-oiled, of course.

ABC Family
Host: A in the form of a giant computer screen with text messages appearing as eerie questions that each guest must answer over the course of the show .
Setting Decor: Spencer's bedroom.
Gimmick: The Sign, where each episode we learn one cool new bitchy phrase in ASL.
First Guest: The latest ABC Family character to have found out a shocking secret about themselves... it's cool, Spencer's room is freaking ginormous.

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